Sic Transit Gloria Mundi
by TheWalk
Summary: Two weeks is all you have to spend in the healing center, so why has Hermione Granger been there for two months? And why does Draco Malfoy care? Serving their alloted times these two unlikely people help one another in ways unimaginable.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter or any of the Harry Potter characters

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A/N: _sic transit gloria __mundi_is a Latin saying used during Papal coronations, used to remind the Pope that although he now has all power, he is still a mortal man. The correct translation is _thus passes the glory of the world_

* * *

Hermione Granger stared with such fixed determination at her peas, if she blinked even once she would cry. So she stared until her eyes began to dry and sting; until she was sure her tears had left her. Then she blinked once, stood from her seat and retreated to her room. 

As she walked down the cool antiseptic hallways her stomach turned at the familiar plastic smell she had associated with the hospice. She had been here for near two months but they would not let her leave. Harry and Ron had come and gone and both had been declared fit to go on. But not Hermione Granger, for there was something defiantly wrong with her.

She was mentally unfit. She couldn't see how she was supposed to be completely right in her mind, after the last year few people were in their right minds. But the healers said she was repressing memories, they told her she was hiding what happened from herself and that it was unhealthy.

Hermione was not hiding anything from herself; she was hiding it from the healers. Nobody needed to know everything.

She opened the door to her private quarters and slammed it angrily after her. She wanted to cry again. She was so frustrated with the damn healers. Why couldn't they leave her be? They didn't ask Harry or Ron to recreate what had happened during the final battle. So why were they asking her?

Oh, but laughable. Hermione knew of course, she was the smartest witch of her year.

She was a woman, hence weak and hence utterly breakable. She knew deep down all the healers wanted was a story they could sell. What was the golden trio doing last year? What happened during the final battle? Hermione Granger tells all!

But she wasn't letting on. She was better than to simply tell everyone. They had made a pact, what happened last year stayed between them, all of it.

Sometimes Hermione wished she could tell someone, she wished she could have told her parents what had happened to her…but she kept it inside, because it was better to have it rot her away slowly than to let the whole world know.

But they refused to let her leave, they claimed another two weeks was in order and Hermione would give them those two weeks. But afterwards, if they didn't release her she was owling Harry and telling him to get her out of there.

The only good thing about being in the hospice was the lack of reporters. They were not allowed within the grounds. Hermione had received owls from Ron and Harry where they told her they were being relentlessly tormented by reporters. She would reply wising them the best, and promising once she was out they would get together like old times.

She dropped softly onto her bed. Like old times…

Old times were gone, as much as they all wished they could get together and run about wildly, it was too late. They had all seen so much that…innocence was impossible. She could see Harry's eyes clearly in her mind, the hurt behind them was so clear last time she met with him. He was damaged severely. Hermione knew Ginny could never help him, not to be the way he was before.

Harry's eyes and her scars. Although most had faded she could feel them. Sometimes she would just ache everywhere, her body felt as though it were on fire. Burning her, and there was nothing she could do, no one to call. She didn't need to give the healers more reason to keep her here.

She lay back soundlessly, two more weeks and she would be free. Only two more weeks of this antagonizing hell and she would be back with her family and friends. If she kept reminding herself, it would go faster.

* * *

Draco Malfoy's nose scrunched in disgust as he entered the establishment. He couldn't believe he was here. "Why am I here again?" he asked the pretty healer at his side with disdain.

"Because Minister Shacklebolt said you have to be. You need proper assessment, if you are healthy and well, you will be out in two weeks" she explained as rehearsed. "So why wasn't I asked to come earlier?" he asked.

The healer rolled her eyes, "Well, we know you well Mr. Malfoy and since we only had a few suites we decided to wait for an open one before inviting you here, we know you would expect nothing less" she said coolly, her dislike for him clear. Malfoy just shrugged, he could have cared less about a suite.

He had slept on dirt and had eaten all kinds of things for the past year, there was little left to faze him. But he let the healer lead him on. He decided this might be kind of nice, a rest from the tirade of idiots at his door with pens and papers. He needed a little break.

After all, he was more than sane.

After last year much had changed for Malfoy, his father had been killed by Granger, his mother was now six feet under too and he had told all the death eaters to screw off and had left them. It was possibly the weirdest moment of his life. Leaving his parents, what he knew, what he had been raised to become; only to go to the other side. To run to Potter and Weasley and openly tell them everything was something he had never expected himself to do. And they had accepted him with open arms.

But that was where things went downhill. Granger disappeared suddenly while on guard. They spent months looking for her but to no avail. Then by pure luck Fred Weasley saw a red flare from a wand in Sherwood Forest where he had been searching for wounded. Granger was there and barely alive.

He didn't know what had happened to her, only Potter and Weasley knew that, but he knew whatever happened was because of him. It was too perfectly tied to not be connected. She was taken because he switched sides. And she was lucky to have gotten out alive.

He was guilty; it was a new sensation, but something he was coping with. His mother turned out to be right in the end anyway. She had always told him that he wasn't meant to be a death eater. She told him that there was too much of her good blood in him for him to be really evil.

Despite it all Draco still felt vile, because here he was, completely alone. His parents were dead, the people he had considered friends were dead or in jail, and the people he had been cruel to for years he could never expect them to be his friends. They had accepted him, but he didn't feel it was right to take Potters friendship after all he had done to him.

The healer led him to his door, pointed at it and silently walked away. He opened the door and was greeted with a lavish sight; he sighed deeply and entered the suite. Only two weeks, not that it mattered, there wasn't much to do when he left anyway.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry Potter or any related characters.

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The clock ticked at an impossibly slow pace as Hermione waited for it to strike seven. At seven she could go to the library. By seven everyone else had retired to their rooms so she would be guaranteed privacy. At least there was no curfew here. She was aching for a new book, she had finished the one from yesterday already. 

That is all she had been doing since her arrival, reading non-stop. It wasn't a departure from her usual schedule; but it was different because here it was the only thing she had left. She turned on her side, pulling her pillow with her and gazed fondly at the picture she kept by her bedside.

First year Christmas time…Harry's insecurity, Ron's acne and her teeth were of comfort to her as their faces smiled and waved at her. Things seemed so much simpler back then, back when they were ignorant.

She closed her eyes and tried to remember her first encounter with the two boys, it came difficultly but in her mind she had a blurry vision of a flustered Ron attempting a spell to turn Scabbers yellow. Afterwards…she had fixed Harry's glasses, and then they sat silently and awkwardly on their way to school. Just the simple memory was getting her teary again.

She blinked her tears away and turned her thoughts to another side, avoid any reminiscing.

She wondered what Ron was doing at this moment, who was he with? Probably his family, they would all be seated at the large table right now eating the dinner Mrs. Weasley had prepared; Harry probably in attendance as well, loved enough to be born of Mrs. Weasley.

She missed Ron a lot. Quite a bit really, more than she seemed to miss anyone else. He had promised her he would wait for her to get out of the hospital, she had cried when they had told her that she had to remain, but Ron held her hands and told her he would wait for her. Hermione had laughed and asked whether it was because he loved her or due to the fact that no other girl would take him.

He had laughed in reply and answered, "And that's why I love you Hermione, because no other woman would ever put up with me the way you did, seven years of silence would have been too much for someone else". She sighed and turned away from the picture, she felt absolutely alone, for the second time in her life…

* * *

Draco Malfoy slipped out of his room and headed down the hall deciding to do a bit of exploring. After searching his more than well apt quarters he was wondering what the rest of the place looked like. He was a little upset that people still regarded him as the bigheaded cretin he used to be. But years and perhaps even centuries could not change a well proved viewpoint. He knew he pretty much deserved whatever abuse was coming to him. 

Just because he had had a momentary spasm of heart didn't mean that he was suddenly an angel. No, he was a boy of eighteen, still as confused and naïve as he was two years ago, but he didn't let on.

He would walk left; it seemed like a good direction.

Healers passed him on his adventure but none talked to him. The most interaction he received was a couple of dirty looks. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and continued down another narrow corridor. These rooms seemed to be offices of some sorts; he noted the names on the plaques. None seemed familiar to him. This establishment was brand new, directly made for people affected by the war. Since St. Mungo's was full of physical injuries they needed somewhere else to keep all of the lunatics.

And here he was, now another resident lunatic. But it made little difference to him; it was either being here or being in his mansion. And both were just as lonely and cold. No friends, no family, just him now.

He turned another corner and found a hallway much like the one he had just exited. And one more turn and again a similar hallway. It was like a goddamn maze around here. He was getting lost and confused, he couldn't remember from where he had come. His stomach turned unpleasantly at the thought of having to spend the night in a deserted hallway. He began to wander again.

* * *

Hermione's clock finally struck seven; she got off the bed and went to her closet. She pulled out jeans and a sweater and grudgingly pulled them on, there was no walking around in pajama's here. Well, she was sure she could if she wanted to, but why give the male patients something to look at? She grabbed her completed book and headed out the door. 

Draco was starting to panic, he had been walking around for at least ten minuets and he hadn't run into anyone. Where the hell was he? The building had not looked that large from outside, so how was he lost? And where were all the personnel? He groaned softly and leant against the wall, he was never good with directions.

Should he keep walking? Might as well, standing still would do him no good. He began to walk down another hallway, this one looked familiar. But who was he trying to trick, they all looked the same, if there had been any distinction he would have been able to get back to his room by now. He damned the stupid healers for not giving him a tour of the place. Had they expected him to figure it out on his own? Well here he was learning, but completely lost, and totally miffed. He sat down in the middle of the hallway and groaned loudly, hoping someone could hear him.

At the end of the corridor a girl walked past. Draco blinked twice before he was sure it wasn't a hallucination. "Wait!" he yelled scrambling from the ground and eagerly running down the hallway, when he made it to the end he saw the girl turn right. He frowned at her retreating figure wondering how she couldn't have heard him.

Following silently he kept her within his sight but far enough ahead so that she didn't notice him. She turned corner after corner and Draco was steadily becoming dizzier. Finally she arrived to a large set of doors at the end of a hallway, she pulled them opened and slipped inside. He debated following.

This was the only person he had seen in the past twenty minuets, if he lost her he'd never make it back anywhere. Silently he slipped in after her.

It was a giant library. Rivaling Hogwarts or even his own. He couldn't see her but he decided to sit down before the fire and wait for her to return. It looked nice and cozy, better than the damned hallways. He only had to pray that there was one set of doors in and out.

Hermione pulled out _Glomar the __Greedy __Green_ and decided that this would suffice for tonight. She had never read about him in history, and he seemed interesting. Hermione was probably the only student in the history of schools that found the goblin war teachings interesting. She walked slowly through the aisles enjoying the feeling of being surrounded by books. She could make a home for herself in any library. The library was much more pleasing aesthetically. The deep woods, rich fabrics and large fireplace all reminded her of Hogwarts and long nights studying in the library.

She came out into the open area and stopped dead.

She could see the back of a head in one of the chairs. Hermione squirmed in her spot. Damn it all. She didn't really get on well with the others here; or rather she ignored them because they all wanted the same thing. To know what happened last year.

She couldn't leave any other way; she would have to pass them whoever they were. She wondered how quickly she could slip past, would it be fast enough to avoid confrontation. She groaned loudly. Louder than she had anticipated she would.

Draco Malfoy turned in his seat at the sound of utter frustration. His eyes widened and suddenly he felt very ill at ease. His palms were sweating and his tongue had become swollen lying dead in his mouth.

The same effect seemed to have occurred to Granger, because she stood in her spot silently. Her eyes wide and mouth slightly open she looked like she was seeing a ghost. His eyes just roamed across her, she looked improved since he had last seen her, but not by much. She was still as common as ever. Not ugly, but common.

He wanted to say something witty but it wasn't coming. "Ummm" was what actually left his mouth. And he regretted it the moment it did.

"Malfoy" Hermione said edgily, her voice having returned. She gazed at him intently, he looked better than when she had last seen him, still as arrogantly royal as ever. But his aristocratic features remained. "What are you doing here?" she asked stiffly, still not moving from her place.

"I expect for the same reason as you Granger" he replied coolly, her tone was less than appreciated. Last he had checked they were on the same side, even if they weren't friends.

"Right, so you're here for a book?" she asked shortly, now she was just plain confused as to what he was doing there and when he had arrived.

"Sure" he replied with a shrug being completely vague.

She had actually meant to ask him why he was in the hospital but had chickened out in the last moment. Now she didn't know what question would have been worse. She almost wanted to talk to him; Malfoy was they only person she knew here. Even if she hated him, he was a familiar face to her and almost comforting in a way. But she didn't let herself think that he would want to be in her presence.

If nothing else could move her from her rooted spot the simple fact that he was Malfoy, an arrogant prick who hated her for all of their school years should have been enough to do it. But still she remained still, gaping at his form.

"Are you going to stand there forever?" he asked with a smirk, his eyebrows rising playfully. He wanted to see her riled up, it was one of the things he so missed from school.

Hermione gave a sound of indignation and walked towards the door, "Don't worry Malfoy, I'll leave you alone. I wouldn't presume that my company is satisfactory for you" she snarled her face contorting with anger.

Malfoy leant back in his chair as the door slammed; he had done a good job and was pleased with the effect. The look on her face was priceless, and slightly upsetting. He felt only a twinge of guilt for being rude. But that was life; he was Malfoy and she Granger. He was superior, she inferior, just as simple as the world was round.

And then it hit him like a bag of bricks, if she left he might as well rot here forever. He quickly jumped from his chair and ran out of the room. She was at the end of the hall he had gotten lucky, "Granger wait!" he yelled after her. To his surprise she sped up and quickly turned the corner. Was she running from him?

He began to run after her.

Hermione was near sprinting, she wanted to get rid of him, she didn't want to see him now, she couldn't look at him…

She was running frantically taking random turns; finally she stopped dead when she realized she had no idea where she was. She didn't recognize this hallway at all. The doors had no signs anywhere…a second later she was turned on her heel by an angry Malfoy.

"What the hell was that about Granger?" he spat angrily squeezing her shoulders. His face was inches from hers and he looked less than pleased.

Hermione looked him right in the eyes and spoke ever so clearly, "let go ferret". He quickly dropped his hands from her shoulders. "Why are you following me?" she asked angrily stepping away from him her eyes fixed to his cool ones.

"Because I don't know how to get back to my room or anywhere for that matter" he sneered crossing his arms. Hermione just shook her head gently, "You haven't changed a bit" she muttered turning from him to take in her surroundings.

"Thanks" he muttered back angrily. "So which way?" he asked casually as though he had forgotten the past few minuets.

She could feel her blood boiling. She was not in the mood for this; she didn't want to be lost with him! It was all too much. Hermione let out a frustrated scream slamming her book on the ground with such force the bang resounded through Draco's head.

Draco jumped away from her; he was startled by the sudden display of rage. "Uh" he said softly unsure of what was going on. Granger turned to face him; her eyes were brimmed with tears "I have no idea where the hell we are! I'm fucking lost because of you! And all I want to do is go back to my room so I can smash something!" she cried loudly advancing on him.

Draco stood as though petrified. What was he supposed to do? Was she really as angry as she seemed? Should he say something to her? What could he say? She looked ready to just explode; he could swear her whole body was shaking.

Hermione was staring at her feet taking deep calming breaths, when she had finally regained control of her emotions she bent down and picked up her book. She gave Malfoy a fleeting glance that read as hurt and brushed past him going the way they had come. He silently followed her.

He followed her silently for twenty minuets watching as she would mark the walls with a gold crosses after they had passed them. Eventually they began coming across their crosses; running in circles like rats.

"I just don't know" she whispered softly, more to herself than to anyone else as she stopped suddenly. Draco stood beside her, "Wow Granger, a first for you" he mocked with pleasure, his exasperation causing him to be snippy.

She didn't reply at all. Instead she sat down on the ground by his feet and opened her book. Draco glared down at her, what the hell was she playing at?

"Get up!" he demanded, he might as well have stomped his foot for all the good it did. She ignored him; her eyes were firmly glued to the book in her lap.

"I want to get back to my room" he said in a voice that was bordering a whine. When she didn't reply he nudged her with his foot.

"Tough shit" she muttered turning a page. He couldn't believe her. She was just going to sit there and not move at all? Now he was contemplating spitting on her head to get her up.

"So we're going to just stay here?" he asked skeptically folding his arms again. Hermione looked up coldly; "Nobody spoke for you" she seethed and then looked back down to her book.

"Fine, I'm leaving!" he said stepping over her body; he was finally fed up.

"Bye" she said lightly not even glancing up. He scoffed at her, for he didn't know what else to do, and turned the corner knowing that with every step he took he was only getting himself more lost. But pride would not allow him to stand there next to Granger. Pride would keep him moving even if it was in the wrong direction, just as it had many times before.

* * *

Hermione leaned slowly around the corner, making sure he was nowhere in sight. She turned the other way and began to walk slowly. Now that she had rid of him maybe she could find her way back alone. Maybe what she had done was cruel, but she wasn't about to debate the matter at all. 

Eight thirty, it had now been an hour since she had been wandering. She wondered if Malfoy had found his way back yet. She had tried to open the doors but they were spell proof. And there was no one! No one! It was an uninhabited area. She couldn't believe it; the whole thing was all too surreal.

* * *

"Fucking hell!" 

She could hear Malfoy somewhere nearby to her right, so he hadn't had much luck finding a way out either. Then his footsteps came towards her. Hermione smiled to herself and decided to play with his mind. She quickly sat down and began to read her book again.

The moment she was in his sight Draco felt like crying. Was it relief? Or was it because he had failed to get out of the damn corridors on his own. Deciding to swallow his pride for the time being he approached her.

"Had fun reading?" he asked with a smirk as thought it was _all_ going according to his plan.

"Yes" was her short reply. Draco grumbled in annoyance from the lack of retaliations he was receiving and then sat down next to her.

"What's the matter Malfoy? Couldn't find your way back?" she asked lightly; licking her finger and turning the page.

"No" he replied turning his head from her "I decided I'd rather sit here and annoy you" he added turning to face her now. She looked up into his face, complete shock written all over her features.

Had she expected him to leave? He had done it once and it didn't bode well for him. He would wait for her to do the work for him. Hermione's brows furrowed and she looked as though she was in deep thought. "No" she said turning back to her book.

Draco frowned; "I didn't ask you anything" he scoffed rolling his eyes. "No I will not let you use me as your slave, why don't you find a way back and then return for me"

"Yeah right" he jeerer slapping his knee; Granger was hilarious.

"A girl can only dream" she sighed, but she expected no other answer to her question.

"I have no sense of direction" he admitted "I couldn't find my way out of a one door room" he sighed leaning his head against the wall.

Hermione chuckled, "I'm not surprised" she said softly.

Draco made an ugly face in her direction, "Whatever Granger" he muttered.

"Whatever Malfoy" was her reply.

He sat and stared at his watch and wished he hadn't left his wand in his room. Not that it would do much good in a situation like this. His stomach grumbled, although…he could have turned Grangers damn book into a sandwich.

"Hungry?" she asked with amusement. She never turned from the book but he could sense she was smiling to herself.

"Yes" he said angrily, "I'm starving"

"I'm sorry princess, but unless you want to be manly and take some initiative to get us out of here, you'll just have to starve" she said happily.

Draco chewed his lip angrily.

"That's not a pretty face" Hermione said shaking her head, her lip twitching.

"Well neither is yours" he barked back. She looked less than pleased at his remark, but he never expected that she would smack him so hard on the arm. Correction, she punched him in the arm.

"OW!" he yelped jumping away from her "What was that for?" he asked incredulously.

"For being a git" she replied tensely.

Draco growled at her baring his teeth, she was so infuriating! He wanted to rip out her throat right about now.

"Woof" Hermione said softly as she leant towards him, daring him to fight back. He lunged knocking her book out of her hands and pinning her to the ground.

She shrieked loudly having not expected Malfoy to lower himself to touching her. God forbid!

He stared at her with a weird look on his face; it was too awkward for Hermione. She pushed him off and scrambled to her feet walking quickly down the hallway.

"Where are you going Granger?" he yelled after her still on the ground.

"Away from you!" she yelled back.

"Oh come on, it was all in good fun" he teased climbing to his feet and following her. She turned back and saw him following her so she sped up. "Not again" he groaned to himself "Can't run Granger, I have longer legs, I'll catch up" he threatened but he was loosing ground.

"We'll see" she said, then suddenly shot into a quick sprint flying around the corner taking Draco by surprise. His legs quickly jumped into action mode and he followed.

She was quick and turning every corner meters before him, he ran even faster gaining ground on her. "I've got you Granger!" he yelled as he was a mere meter behind her. He leapt for her, but she stopped.

He collided with her and sent them both sprawling on the ground. "Ow" he groaned as his knees hit the hard floor. Hermione was on her stomach and her book was a good few meters ahead of her. Draco quickly got off her, "You okay?" he asked extending his hand to her. She ignored it and stood on her own, "Of course I am" she said with mock sincerity. He quickly stuffed his hands in his pockets, if she didn't want his help he wouldn't give it.

"Why did you stop?" he asked looking around, but not seeing anything familiar.

"I don't know why I stopped, I just did" she said unsurely. Draco gawked at her, what the hell did she mean?

"So you made me run into you for no reason?" he asked skeptically. She turned to him, "I'm sorry you had to touch me, but it wasn't pleasant for me either" she snapped. He just shrugged; he hadn't actually meant to insult her.

"Do you recognize anything?" he asked looking at the doors around them. "Hmm…" Hermione sighed walking slowly down the hall, "A little" she admitted.

The continued to walk for a bit more until Hermione heard people talking nearby. They sped up in the direction of the sound eager to not lose their only chance of being saved. The turned the corner and both gave a gasp of relief scaring the two healers standing in the hall.

"What are you two doing?" asked the redhead.

"We got lost" Hermione said embarrassedly, her eyes slid to her shoes.

"Well I'm not surprised; the Block area is a complete maze. We like to joke that it's worse than the department of mysteries" the man said with amusement.

Hermione laughed in relief, "I can testify to that" she smiled "Which way to the suites?" she asked.

"Just go left at the end of the hallway until you reach the offices, I'm sure you know how to get to the suites from there?" Redhead said with a small smile, the woman was staring right at Draco. He suddenly felt uneasy; her gaze was very…desiring. He stepped behind Hermione, as though she could shield him from the female healer.

"Thank you" Hermione said graciously and began walking down the hall. The healer continued to smile at Draco until they had turned the corner.

"She looked ready to rip you out of your pants" Hermione said lightly as they headed to the office. Draco nodded, "It was scary" he admitted. But Hermione laughed, "Am I to understand that Draco Malfoy, the biggest slut of our year found that scary, there must have been worse moments…like Pansy?"

"I wasn't a slut, and Pansy wasn't all that bad" he said softly stopping in his tracks. Hermione stopped and turned back to him, "That's what I heard" she said with a shrug.

"People talk, but it's not true. I'm not a slut at all really" he said, almost pleaded. He wanted her to know the truth. She scoffed, "Right next you'll tell me you're a virgin"

He said nothing.

Hermione's mouth dropped open. "Huh" she said softly "I'm just going to leave that comment as is" she continued walking. Draco followed behind her sheepishly, he didn't give anything away. Besides he wasn't a virgin, but he wasn't exactly the sex god everyone had made him out to be. He was only eighteen. Those things took time.

Hermione walked with him right to her door. "This is my place, I'll assume you have a suite too, and of the five others I'll also assume you know which one is yours"

"Number four" he said looking to the door next to hers. "Oh god" she groaned "You're my neighbor" she opened her door and turned back to him; "I guess I won't be rid of you as I thought I would" she smiled.

He smirked back, "Is that good or bad?" he asked.

Hermione's eyebrows rose, "I guess we'll just have to see" and then she closed her door.

* * *

Draco went to his own room and immediately headed to the bathroom; he needed a long bath, and then a heavy meal. His first day wasn't exactly what he had expected, but he wasn't sure if he hated it. So Granger was here, and even though they weren't on the best of terms, he was almost hopeful that he wouldn't be as lonely anymore. 

Hermione collapsed on her bed. She was dead tired. So Malfoy was here too, it almost made her smile. Regardless of the fact that he was an idiot, maybe she wouldn't be so lonely for her last couple of weeks. She needed a good meal and a bath, and then sleep. Could Malfoy be a friend? She wished so but somehow she knew it was unlikely, if nothing else at least there would be interesting conversations.

* * *

**A/N: **Please review if you like it. I'll post the next chapter as soon as I get some feedback. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter or any related characters.

* * *

"I am so bored" Hermione groaned as the blood began to rush to her head "I am also talking to myself" she amended. She was lying on her bed with her head hanging off the edge staring at the wall. She was dying here. It had gotten so bad that she didn't even want to read.

She could feel the blood rush unpleasantly to her head. She felt dizzy and light headed. Someone had once told her if she hung upside down for ten minuets and then quickly flung her head back up she would faint. She could try…there wasn't anything better to do anyway.

She squinted at the clock on the table; she had another five minuets to go before she could try.

* * *

Draco bounced the ball on the wall and caught it as it came flying back at him. He was bored. There was nothing to do here. He had gone to his assessment this morning and his doctors had said he seemed fine, but that he might have had deep emotional trauma that he was hiding. He had laughed. They had said the meeting was over.

It was a joke. Of course he was damaged, scarred for life. He didn't need some half-wit doctor to tell him that. But he didn't plan on telling them anything. He was only here because Kingsley had told him to be. He had come into the building with all intentions to keep his mouth shut. Two weeks in and out.

It was nearing twelve; tea would be in about an hour… he could…

But would he?

She wasn't exactly mad when they parted…

Okay, fine, he would go and get Granger for tea. She was the only damn person in this whole building that he felt he could even remotely trust. It had to do with knowing her for so long and probably with fighting alongside her. Everyone else here, well…they weren't here for the same reasons as he and Granger were. Few of the others here had actually fought. Rather they had been tortured or traumatized by the war in some other way, and the rest…well; they actually belonged in the establishment.

He dropped his bouncy ball on the floor and got up off his ass. He considered changing, but he looked fine. There was no reason to worry about looks here anyway. Who would care?

He made sure to grab his wand and then he went next door.

* * *

Five, four, three…A knock? Hermione's head flew up before she could stop herself. Her eyes swam in her head and a loud pang echoed in her ears. She shut her eyes and fell back on the bed.

Another knock. "Come in" she said loudly placing her hands over her face. What a stupid idea, she hadn't fainted at all. The only thing she had managed to do was give herself a migraine.

"Ohhh" she groaned loudly.

Draco entered her room. She was lying on her bed with her hands over her face. It was an amusing sight. He closed the door behind him and leant against her wall.

"Yes" Hermione said trying to sit up. It must have been the combination of head rush and seeing Malfoy, but it sent her back on the bed knocking her out cold.

"Granger?" Draco asked walking over to her. He leant over her, she was asleep? Would she actually fall asleep with him here? Maybe to spite him. He gently touched her. No she was out cold. What was she doing? She looked flushed, maybe she was sick? Maybe he should wake her up…his fingers tightened on his wand.

No, he'd let her wake up on her own. This seemed like it would be an interesting story to hear when she came about. He pushed her over on the bed and sat down next to her grabbing the book on her nightstand. _Weald's Witching Ways_a romance novel? Huh really… he began to read.

* * *

Hermione could feel the pain in her head again. Had she actually fainted, had it worked? Weird, the real question should have been why she bothered trying. She was an idiot. She sighed and kept her eyes closed. Her brain needed time to readjust.

Something moved on the bed next to her. Was she still dreaming? She could smell cologne, nice cologne too…

Draco looked down at Granger; she seemed to be coming about. He could already taste how wonderful the embarrassment on her face would be. She groaned and opened her eyes; she blinked twice before she noticed him.

"Oh fuck me" she groaned turning on her side.

"Well, I think I've already done that, I am in your bed" Draco said with a smirk. She was just too easy to let go.

"Seriously?" she said sitting up and then clutching her head.

"No. Not _yet_ anyway. I came into your room to ask you if you would like to go to tea, and you just passed out on your bed. It seems like an interesting story, care to tell?" he asked putting the book down.

Hermione crossed her legs Indian style and gave him a good hard look. Her head was still spinning, but it didn't cover the shock of Malfoy on her bed.

"Don't look at me like that. I could have just left you, but I did the nice thing and waited for you to wake up" he said in a hurt tone.

Hermione just continued to glare "Right" she said.

"So…" he said with a small smile, "Are you sick?"

"Erg…no" Hermione said tersely, if she told him what she had been doing he wouldn't let her live. But if she didn't tell him, he would persist until she died. There was no easy way out.

"Well…" she began softly "ah, no, I don't think I can tell you, it would give you too much pleasure" Hermione said firmly.

Draco laughed, she looked so resolute, her lips tight and face unflinching. "So you're going to leave it to my imagination, because I can think of some great ways to explain it" he said slyly. He watched her redden and pout angrily.

"You are on my bed" she said ignoring his last comment.

"Yes I am. And I probably will be again" he said with a smirk.

Hermione growled in frustration, she pushed him angrily and said "Do you ever act normal? Must everything be sexual for you?" she asked. Her push was weak, she barely moved him but managed to slip off his arm and fall right across his lap.

Draco quickly acted; he lifted his knees, grabbed the book and placed his arms across her back. He had accidentally caught one of her arms between his legs.

"Can I get up?" Hermione asked softly. It was getting awkward very quickly. What the hell was he doing?

"Hmmm…no" he said lightly. This was fun, she was sure to get mad. But hey, he wanted the damn story and he would get it.

"What?" Hermione said angrily trying to get off his lap, but his elbows would only dig into her back. She collapsed on his lap again "Why not?" she asked.

"Because you wouldn't tell me your story, and until you tell it to me you're not getting up" he said laying out his rules. Hermione gasped in anger. What was he doing? Did he honestly think he was going to get it out of her like that? Well, it wasn't even about the damn story anymore. She just wasn't going to be weak and cave.

"Fine" she said coolly. She crossed her arms around his leg and dug her chin into his hip. "Ow" he said loudly, but he didn't move and neither did she. Hermione could play the game just as well as he could.

Forty minuets passed before Hermione began to tire of the game. She could stare at a wall for only so long. Malfoy seemed to be fine though, he was reading her damn book. She needed out. But how to do it; she could try to make him uncomfortable. It was actually a disgusting thought on her part, but it might work. But it might not, how could she beat him at his own game?

Hermione shifted as slightly as his arms would allow, she smiled to herself; proud of her own ingenuity. Using only one finger she traced small circles on his thigh. Soft and slow and she waited for his reaction.

Draco's eyes shot down. What was she doing? He was breaking out into goosebumps, he had to stop her. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"Nothing, I'm bored" Hermione said lightly, inside she was laughing hysterically.

"Well, stop it" Draco said uneasily. He didn't really want it to stop, but if it didn't…

"Make me" Hermione said testily.

She was smart, he knew it. If he tried to make her, he would have to release the pressure on her back and she could escape. She was testing him, trying to make him uncomfortable, but he could do the same to her.

He turned one hand and rested it on her bum.

Hermione's circle stopped. His hand was on her arse! Oh no. No no, she wasn't going to give it up, she was a contender in this game and she would win.

"That's nice" she said with no emotion. Waiting for him to read into it.

"Yes I think so too" was his reply. She couldn't see it but Draco was grinning his face off. Granger was absolutely hilarious. She wasn't just brains and wit. She was a funny perv.

Hermione moved her fingers from the outside of his thigh to the inside switching arms, just where his legs where bent. Every circle she drew her elbow would brush right between his legs.

Suddenly his legs tightened on her arm, she could no longer move it.

"You won't win Malfoy, so you might as well just give it up" she said simply.

"Why, I have you trapped and whatever you're doing to torture me is more pleasurable than you know. So I would suggest you stop, because if you get me riled up, I can't say what I'll do" he grinned.

Gross. That was not the desired effect. She didn't need to get raped right about now. She resorted to begging "Please let me go" she said softly turning her face on the side towards him. Her cheek resting on his hip; she made sure to pout.

Draco looked down at her; he knew he wasn't being very nice. But then again he wasn't very nice. Maybe he could still get something out of it. "Maybe if you promise to kiss me; then I'll let you go" he said with a smirk.

"Fine" Hermione said with her own smirk. Draco loosed his grip on her and raised his arms. Hermione got off his lap and stretched reaching high above her head. Her muscles were killing her after a near hour in that weird position.

Draco cleared his throat and tapped his lips. He looked ridiculous, but cute. But no. She wasn't going to kiss him; she had Ron waiting for her. And when it came down to it, he was only a Malfoy. And that wasn't enough.

Hermione scoffed, "I promised you a kiss, but there was no mention of when" she said getting off her bed. "I'm going to go get lunch, you can come with if you don't sulk" she said teasingly walking to her door.

Draco then scoffed, "Please Granger, I can get a kiss from you whenever I really want. _If_ I really want it" he said casually following her.

"We'll see" Hermione said.

* * *

"I'll just guess, someone told you if you hung upside down for ten minuets and then flung your head back up you would faint" Draco said suddenly while Hermione was buttering her biscuit. She dropped it in her lap.

"I'm right aren't I?" he said smugly.

"If you knew what I was doing then why did you make me suffer?" she said coolly picking up her biscuit.

"I didn't make you suffer, I had some fun with you, and I wasn't sure of what you were doing but then I remembered that I had tried it too" he said simple taking a bite of his apple.

"So you did it too" Hermione said casually, there was no way he could tease her if he had done the same thing too. It would only make him a hypocrite.

"Yes, when I was seven" he amended with a laugh.

"Whatever" Hermione said simply, she was blushing furiously.

"Whatever" Draco replied.

"Don't copy me" she said with disdain "what are you? Two?"

"I'm not, on both accounts" Draco replied coolly. If this was how every day went he could get used to it. He hadn't had so much fun teasing Granger since sixth year.

"You said whatever" Hermione replied. What was his problem? Why was he always being annoying? Couldn't he find someone else to latch on to?

"So did you?" he said in mock confusion. He really was having just too much fun for his own good.

"But I said it first" Hermione pouted putting down her food and glaring at him.

"Nobody said you own the word Granger, so I can use it as I wish. Whatever. I think I'll use it to finish every sentence from now on. And stop pouting; it stopped working when you were eight. Whatever" he said with a smirk.

He was so aggravating. "No you won't" Hermione said, "You'll forget soon enough. Your brain capacity is too small to manage remembering to do it every time"

"It's a free word Granger, I will use it as I please and there is nothing you can do about it. Except maybe pout. But that won't make me stop saying it. It might only get you in my pants. Whatever" he said coolly.

"Oh please" Hermione said off-handedly. He was too much for her. Ron and Harry were never this perverted around her, it was something she just wasn't used to. But she had to remind herself that this was Draco Malfoy. He said those things all of the time. It was his stupid arrogance. Sometimes though…sometimes she wondered if the rumors were true. He denied them to her. But maybe that was only to get her to like him… the whole female population of Hogwarts bragged about getting randy with Malfoy. But was there anything to really brag about? To her he seemed childish and plain. Using his perverted wit to get by in life.

"Hey, you know you want to get with this. So stop denying it to yourself and just take it. Because Granger, I happen to think you're not that bad looking at all. And you're pretty funny too. So I would have no problem doing the deed with you. Whatever." he said with a smile looking straight ahead.

Hermione stopped chewing and turned to stare at him in disbelief. Fine, he wanted to play that way, they could. "Oh, while I'm very flattered, I'm worried that you just wouldn't be enough for me" she said lightly.

"Ohh, being rude now are we? I assure I am larger than a roll of gallons. Whatever" he said with a wolfish grin, he was reeling her in.

Hermione frowned at him "You are so infantile" she said unperturbedly. She was getting tired of the game.

"Hey you were the one who tried to make yourself faint. You're the one who started this whole conversation with your…stupidity. Whatever" he said bringing up a good point. Hermione flushed she had no response to that one. It was true; basically she had started it all. She had only herself to blame in the end.

"Just shut it and eat your apple" she said in frustration.

"I will; whatever" Draco smiled.

* * *

**A/N:** Please read and review. I'll try to get the next one up soon. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter or related characters

* * *

"Walk in front of me Granger; whatever"

"Why?"

"It gives me something nice to look at; whatever"

Hermione groaned loudly and walked ahead of Malfoy, but far ahead. She was three meters away from him. He had been annoying her since tea and she knew it wouldn't be coming to an end soon.

Draco was smiling to himself, she was funny. He wondered how long he could go on with this until she jinxed him. His eyes actually traveled to her butt for only a moment, _only_ for a moment. He was without sex for three days and already he was considering everything that moved. He was a perv around Granger, but he didn't really mean it, it _was_ Granger. But…she was a woman, meaning she had a vagina, meaning she was good enough for him. He felt even guilty thinking that way. He and Granger were actually on much better terms now than they were in school.

A year of moving camp, hideouts and staking deatheaters together, it made people closer. He knew she was better than him; not that he didn't want her. It would be a fun conquest. But…he knew if he tried anything on her Weasley would have his balls. He frowned and sped up after her.

"Where are you going Granger; whatever?" he asked catching up to her.

"Outside" was her clipped reply. She cast a quick glare at him and then returned her eyes forward.

"Oh come on, you know I'm only joking when I say things like that; whatever" he said trying to lighten the mood. He was failing.

"I know. I spent a week with you waiting for Barkla to crawl outside that hole in Piccadilly. I can't believe the idiot would hide in the busiest street in London. Anyway, I remember everything you said to me; _clearly_" Hermione said coolly heading for the patio doors at the end of the hall.

Draco grimaced, he had forgotten about that. He wasn't very nice to her for that week. But he had wanted to shop and they weren't allowed to be seen! There was no way to repair that now. "So you shouldn't be surprised then; whatever" he said arrogantly.

"Surprised? That you're a jerk? Oh, I'm not" Hermione said lightly with a smile. She pushed open the glass doors and stepped into the lovely June weather.

Draco made a face behind her, damn know it all. "It's charming once you get used to it; whatever" he promised her sarcastically.

"Right, well when I feel like being harassed or ridiculed, I'll come to you first" Hermione said heading for an empty table on the patio.

"I'm glad you feel that way; whatever" Draco said following her and shielding his eyes from the bright sunlight. Damn summer weather… he missed winter already.

She sat down at the empty table at the right end of the terrace and he sat down next to her. "Will you follow me around eternally?" Hermione asked with a sigh propping her chin on her hand and glaring at him.

"Only for two weeks" he grinned, "and then we'll both be out and you can have Weasley follow you around everywhere; whatever"

"If I'm lucky" Hermione muttered bitterly.

"What; whatever?" Draco asked, she was muttering under her breath again. That aggravated him; he hated having to ask people to repeat themselves.

He decided to ignore her hidden comment and move on to another conversation. "When did you arrive, a few days ago; whatever?" he asked her casually looking out at the clear fields that ran on forever. It was a pretty piece of land, good for investing.

"Umm April" Hermione said quietly speaking to the vast open rather than to his face.

"Pardon?" Draco asked, for he honestly had not heard what she had said. He had to ask her to repeat herself again. How annoying.

"April" Hermione said facing him.

Draco stared back at her dumbstruck. "Two months?" he asked to clarify. He had completely forgotten his vow to finish every sentence with 'whatever'.

"And a little more" Hermione added.

"Why?" he asked in confusion.

"They haven't deemed me fit to leave" she said honestly.

Draco frowned and looked at the clear blue sky. Why was Granger here still? What has she done? She should be gone by now. Long gone. There doesn't seem to be anything wrong with her, so why is she here?

"What do they ask you during meetings?" Draco asked feeling something wasn't quite right.

"What the Order was doing, what I was doing during last year" Hermione answered.

Draco nodded, "I'm sure you already know what's been going on, but now I do too. Did you tell Weasley or Potter that the staff is harassing you for information?" he asked.

Hermione shook her head, "I don't want them to worry"

"I'm sure they're worrying anyway, you've been here for two months. You need to tell them what's going on and then they can get you out" Draco reasoned.

"I know, but I want to do it myself" she said simply.

"I don't think you can. You are under the healers care here, they control you. Although it feels as though the healers are working for the Prophet or something" he told her.

"No one controls me" Hermione said scathingly. She knew it was a weak answer.

"But you're still here" he reminded her.

"Right" Hermione sighed tiredly. "Don't worry, its fine" she muttered waving her hand weakly.

"Who said I was worried?" Draco said with a smirk. Did she honestly think he cared? He was just interested in her situation. It gave him something to think about and keep himself from getting bored.

"Right" Hermione muttered getting up.

"Where are you going?" Draco asked her standing after her.

"I'm going to the middle of that field" she said pointing into the vast expanse of nothing.

"Why?" Draco asked with a grimace.

"Because then you won't follow me" she sighed.

"Then you are wrong" he smiled hearing a challenge.

"We'll see" Hermione said her eyes scanning his bare legs. Stupid boy was wearing shorts; well we'll see how far he gets. Hermione walked down the patio steps and out into the tall grass.

"How far are we allowed to go?" he asked walking beside her, his hands in his pockets.

"As far as the boundaries let us, when we can go no further, we'll know" she said with a shrug.

"Here's another question" he began.

"You sure have a lot of those" Hermione sighed.

"Shut it Granger" he said and then continued, "How far do you intend to go?"

"Until I loose you or you get eaten by a bear" she said lightly.

Draco stopped walking and stared at her in disgust, "You are really vile" he grumbled.

Hermione just shrugged and continued walking.

"Why do you really want to lose me?" he asked her after another few minuets.

"Why have you stopped saying 'whatever'?" she replied testily.

"Because I got bored of it, now answer my question" he said kicking a snail shell on the ground.

"Because we shouldn't be nice to each other" she replied simply heading into even deeper grass. Draco looked back; they were pretty far from the resort already. He was fine as long as it was in view, but soon it would disappear. He wondered if she knew how to get back. They had already both proved a lack of direction skills.

"First, I don't think we're that nice to each other. I still say rude things, and you're still a cold-hearted bitch. Second, what's wrong with us being nice to one another, _hypothetically_ that is, assuming we were? We're adults, we might as well get over old school grudges" he reasoned trying to keep up with her. But the brambles were cutting his legs. Damn shorts.

"I know. But after everything the Malfoy's have done to me…" Hermione began softly. Memories came flooding back; she tried to push them away.

"I know my family is…well, I'm ashamed of them to say the least, as is the whole wizard population" he began thoughtfully.

Hermione scoffed, he had no idea what his family had done to her. Nobody knew, and she wasn't going to be telling anytime soon. She took a right and began walking towards the gathering of trees.

"But, it wasn't easy for anyone. I'm not holding a grudge against you" he concluded following her blindly, not even bothering to check where they were going anymore.

"What grudge would you have to hold?" Hermione asked bitterly pushing past the small trees and walking into the shade of the forest.

"Well, you've always been better than me, and because of you I received a good number of beatings for being second best. And you hit me in third year" he added as an afterthought. He followed her into the dense package of trees; his feet crunching the year old stale leaves.

"I'm not sorry for being smart and getting you in trouble, and I'm even less sorry for hitting you" Hermione replied briskly.

"I wouldn't expect anything less" Draco mumbled looking around. "So where are we going? Because this doesn't look like the middle of a field to me"

"I said I would keep going until I lost you, and since getting cut up wasn't enough for you, now I'm searching for a bear" Hermione rattled on walking deeper into the trees.

"Hold it Granger" Draco said grabbing her arm and pulling her back to him. "As funny as that all sounds I wouldn't deny that there might actually be a bear or few here. So please let's go back into the open. I would much rather bleed to death from lacerations on my legs than get mauled by a bear"

"Are you a wizard or not Malfoy?" Hermione asked him with a smile poking him in the chest. He actually looked nervous. Hermione was trying to not laugh at his expense, but it was really tempting.

"Knowing that you are intentionally trying to kill me doesn't make me feel quite at home with you" he sighed looking around. Everywhere there were trees. He couldn't tell from which way they had come.

"Don't worry, I'm trying to make it look like an accident" she smiled pulling away from him. When he stood resolutely in the same place with crossed arms she decided to force him. "Come on" she added with a roll of the eyes, she grabbed his hand and continued to lead him into the leafy forest.

"It is nice that you are holding my hand, but I still feel like you're trying to lead me to my death. Or at least to somewhere that we won't be able to return from" he groaned.

Hermione just smiled and continued to walk. She knew exactly where she was going. She had found the place accidentally; well…that was a lie. She had read about it in a history book of the grounds and had spent a day looking for it. But she was sure she was the only visiting it currently.

Draco liked the feel of her small hand holding his, all of her fingers could only wrap around his three middle fingers. He decided he was going to let her lead him to wherever, be it his death or something nicer.

He watched her hair bounce in its ponytail. Spots of light would catch her hair as they continued to walk, little rays pushing through the leafy canopy. Then he looked at her neck, shoulders and back. She had already caught some sun and was browning nicely. Then her tight ripped jeans, they left little to the imagination, especially the rip on her left, right below her bum. Weasley was doing well for himself.

Draco needed to find a girl and soon. He needed to get married by twenty five, even though he technically had time, he wanted to find the right wife. Obviously he could just pick a girl to marry. But even though no one else would ever know, he was somewhat of a hopeless romantic himself. But he was more realistic, he knew he would never fall in love at first sight or some bullshit like that. All he was asking for was a capable woman who could come to love him, bear him children, and at least love the kids. And she must bring back respect to the Malfoy name.

He vowed to begin the search the moment he got out of this damn place. Only thirteen more days; woot.

"We're almost there" Hermione said tightening her grip on her fingers and speeding up.

"You're going somewhere?" he asked incredulously.

"Duh" Hermione spat rolling her eyes.

"I though you were just walking randomly. I had no idea you had somewhere special to take me. Will I like it?" he asked, edging her on.

"I'm sure you will" Hermione said pulling him through some blueberry bushes. He hoped his clothing would not stain.

He came out on the other side and gasped in approval. "Very nice Granger" he smiled. There was a small oval pond with a clear stream running into it. Green grass on all sides, a small opening at the top, where the trees were bare and the sun came through. There was a small wooden dock too. And fruit everywhere as seen by the blue stains on his white shorts now.

"Cool…" he said walking to the water's edge.

"It will be great for swimming soon" Hermione sighed.

"Why not now, I don't know about you, but I won't be here for much longer" Draco asked with a frown.

"It's cold" Hermione said lamely.

"No it's not; its twenty-five degrees outside today. I'd say that's warm enough" he laughed.

"Fine, then you go swimming" Hermione said sitting by the water's edge on the dock and crossing her arms. He wouldn't do it. The water was cold and Hermione expected him to have more sense than that.

"Fine" Draco said sensing a challenge, and he wasn't going to give up. He pulled off his tee-shirt and kicked off his converse. Hermione just gaped at him.

"Are you serious?" she asked removing her shoes and rolling up her jeans. She let her feet dangle in the water. It wasn't cold…

Draco said nothing but smiled silently to himself. He placed his shirt, wand and shoes beside her and jumped into the clear water. Hermione shrieked as it splashed back up at her. "Jerk" she muttered looking at her wet clothing.

"I'll have you know the water is perfect" Draco smiled bobbing up and down. Hermione rolled her eyes and ignored him. "Why don't you join me Granger?" he asked swimming towards her.

"Well, if I've never heard a worse idea…" she muttered.

Draco swam a few laps around the small pond. It was surprisingly clean, rocks lined the bottom and there were no fish anywhere. It was odd, it couldn't have been natural, it must have been man or wizard made.

Hermione frowned and kicked her feet letting the water splash around, it looked tempting…but she didn't have her swimsuit, and even if she did. She couldn't prove Malfoy right.

"Come on" Draco said swimming towards her.

"I don't think so" Hermione said softly.

Draco grabbed her ankles, "you can either join me…or I can make you join me, fully clothed" he threatened.

"You wouldn't" Hermione gasped trying to pull her feet away.

"Want to try me?" he asked pulling her closer to the edge.

Hermione just glared at him, daring him. Draco took that as another challenge. He jerked once and Hermione came sliding off the dock and into the water.

To say she was infuriated would have been an understatement. Hermione's head came back up from underwater and she glared angrily, "I'll kill you" she said jumping at Malfoy. She grabbed his head and pushed him underwater. He decided to let her think she was winning, he would just hold his breath. After a minuet Hermione stopped holding his head underwater and she let go.

Malfoy bobbed back to the top, Hermione stared at him open mouthed. "You have got to be kidding" she groaned.

"Malfoy stop it" she said smacking him. There was no response. Had she actually drowned him? "all my life I never…" she grumbled trying to pull him to land, she gave up and pulled her wet wand out of her pocket and levitated him onto the grass, she let him drop with a thump, thinking if he was faking it would snap him out of it.

Draco was trying to not laugh. His stomach felt as though it was going to explode but he kept his face straight. He wanted to see what Granger would do.

Hermione sighed and crawled up to the wet Malfoy. "If you're dead I'll kill you" she muttered to herself. Draco laughed inside, keeping his comment about what she said to himself.

He could feel her fingers on his neck checking his pulse, he stopped breathing for effect. "You're alive so just get up" she said smacking his chest. "Don't play games with me" she said shakily. She groaned in frustration and hit his chest again.

He did nothing. Now he was getting to her. "Please get up?" she asked almost whining. He knew she was now panicking.

"Oh god, what cruel joke is this?" she sighed straddling him and placing her locked hands on his chest. She began CPR.

Draco wasn't sure what she was doing, but it must have been some muggle rescue thing. It hurt to say the least; it felt like she was going to break his ribs. Then he felt her pinch his nose. Next her lips were on his. He was so shocked he almost began to laugh, it was nice. Then she began breathing air into his mouth. That was extremely uncomfortable. Whatever she was doing must have only worked if the person had actually drowned.

And again the chest things, then the lips... He couldn't help himself, she was right there, why not? He grabbed her around the waist and pulled her down on him. Hermione squealed in surprise. He kissed her hard pushing his tongue into her already open mouth.

Hermione pulled back and glared at him. "How dare you?" she asked angrily her nose centimeters from his. Draco just smiled. "It's not funny; I thought I had killed you. I felt so horrible" she cried.

She wasn't even mentioning the kiss; Draco wasn't sure what to think about that. "Why would you do something like that, scared me half to death…" she was almost on the verge of tears now.

"Granger, take a breath" Draco said grabbing her wrists, "It was only a joke".

"A horrible joke" Hermione amended tearfully.

"I'm sorry" he said feeling awkward about her crying, he let go of her hands, later he would wish he hadn't.

She sniffled and looked around shaking her head in disbelief; then she punched him right between the legs. Stars swam in Draco's eyes; he wasn't quite sure what had happened. Hermione got off him and began to walk away.

"I hope you intend to kiss it better!" he yelled at her when he regained his voice and the pain subsided slightly. "Ow" he muttered getting back up and grabbing his clothing and wand, then he followed her.

Hermione was walking far ahead of him, but so long as he could see her it was fine with him. She hadn't even looked back once to see if he was following. She must have been really mad.

Then she turned suddenly before the end of the trees and stormed back to him, "And how dare you kiss me?" she asked hitting him on the arm.

"You kissed me first" he said defensively, unsure what he had really done to deserve all of this hitting.

"I was trying to save your life!" she screamed.

Draco frowned at her, he grabbed her again pulling her to him and pressing his lips on hers. He wanted to see just how mad she was.

Hermione was completely taken aback, that would be number two. She wasn't sure what to think, but she knew she wasn't fighting it. It wasn't all that bad, his lips were soft, she had been kissed by worse people…

She ripped away from him, "And again!" she yelled in frustration. Draco just smiled at her.

She walked a few meters away but turned back, "Well are you coming or not?" she asked hands on hips.

Draco caught up to her and she let him walk beside her all the way back.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Harry Potter or related characters.

* * *

"Right… and where do your scars come from again?" Dr. Roberts asked staring at his clipboard and tapping his foot against his chair. Hermione rolled her eyes, not this again. The room felt as though it was revolving around her. The clinical smell and stark white walls were closing in on her again. She swallowed loudly and gathered the familiar words onto the tip of her tongue.

"From my work with the Order and the final battle" Hermione said shortly, her eyes skirted to the large clock on his desk. She still had twenty minuets in the cold office. It felt just like it did back then, her heart racing, her mind trying to trump her body. Never give in.

"What work?" he asked squinting at her and pushing his glasses back up his nose.

She could barely breathe; she took in a deep shaky breath and looked back to the clock. Only two minuets had passed. She needed to get out now. "Alright" Hermione said standing up in her chair and startling the doctor "You listen to me now; I have been here for two months, unless you can give me a concrete reason as to why I'm still here. I'm going to get the ministry involved. Because you are not helping me, you're wasting my time" Hermione said advancing on Dr. Roberts. The words flowed off of her tongue; having been said to her mirror many times before they cam quite easy.

"Aggressive behavior" he muttered scrawling something on his clipboard. He gave her a meaningful glare, warning her to back off.

Retreat? She would rather have lunged at him and ripped out his throat with her teeth than have retreated. But her choices were limited. Hermione screamed in frustration and stepped around him loudly. She ripped open the door and exited, crashing it loudly behind her. She was beyond infuriated. She wanted out already. What did she have to prove by staying here? Nothing. She wanted to return to life, not squander time here. She would never get the time back.

She marched back to her room with full intent to write immediately to Harry. She ripped open her door and sat down at her desk so roughly her chair creaked loudly. She grabbed her quill and ink, as well as some parchment. And then dropped it all from her hands like hot stones. She just couldn't bring herself to ask Harry for help.

It was all she did, the poor girl who couldn't save herself. That's all anybody ever saw her as. Harry and Ron were the hero's, she was the groupie that followed them around everywhere. If only they all knew what she had had to suffer for the sake of their triumph. If only everyone knew how much of herself she had given away, and how much had been ripped from her.

_"Come now Granger, we wouldn't want any pretty__ mudblood __bones__ to snap"_

_"Try it__; please__" __Hermione seethed from the ground. __It__ was difficult to keep up her angry jabs when the pain in her side was causing stars to burst behind her eyes. __She needed to throw up; instead she swallowed the bitter bile and continued to glare wrathfully. _

_"No, I'd only be giving you what you wanted. I have no hurry. They won't find you, then again, why on earth would anyone even be looking for you? I have much time to slice you open and drain every little bit of blood. __Time enough to tear you apart, limb by limb…__Unless you are willing to tell me…__"_

_"Over my dead body"__ she whispered clutching her bleeding side tightly. But the blood continued to pour from in-between her fingers. __She could feel it drying and caking along her side. _

_"How cliché, I already told you Granger, I'm not going to kill you. Killing you would be too easy for me and you. No, you'll learn there are many things worse than death" _

_Hermione looked down to hide the pain in her eyes. __She didn't look__ up again until the door slammed;__ then she cried__ for vulnerability_

And she was crying still. Hermione wiped her eyes quickly. She was not helpless and she would get out of this damn place even if it took forever. But she would do it alone. If she had to, she would break out. How hard could it be? She had her wand…

* * *

"Hermione? Hermione, are you listening to me? Woman?"

"No" Hermione whispered pushing around her dinner solemnly.

Draco frowned at her, she was different today. As though someone had placed a tube in her side and drained her of life. He didn't know how much longer he could continue to watch her push around her potatoes on her plate. She jabbed one with her fork, and then scraped it off on the side of her plate. "Are you not hungry?" Draco asked kindly. There was no other way to approach her but with compassion. He didn't want her to turn cold on him.

"I guess not" she sighed pushing her plate away with a sour look upon her face.

"Do we have a curfew here?" he asked her suddenly.

"Sort of, but nobody really enforces it" Hermione frowned, "Why?" she asked turning to him. What could he possibly be scheming now? If it involved trouble, it would not sit well with Hermione at all. She wasn't in the mood for causing hassle; as much joy as it would have brought her.

"I was wondering if you wanted to go to the pond with me this evening?" he said lightly, hopeful for a positive response.

"I don't know, I'm awfully tired" Hermione yawned for testimony.

"I won't be able to find it on my own, and I definitely won't remember my way from yesterday" Draco reasoned. "Please come with me, I hate being alone. You're the only person here that I can stand" he said truthfully. He was pulling out all of the stops to get her to come with him.

"Alright" Hermione said with another sigh. She turned to Malfoy and smiled weakly at him, he really wasn't so bad. After a little growing up, he had become bearable. Almost enjoyable. "What did you mean when you said I was the only person here you could stand?" she asked suddenly.

"I meant what I said. You are the only person in this whole building whom I can spend time with without wanting to stab out my eyes. Most of the time anyway" he added flippantly.

"Most of the time" she smiled in return, "That's exactly how I feel about you"

Draco stood and waited for Hermione to do the same. "It's almost seven, go get your swim suit and a towel and meet me on the patio at ten after" he said with a mischievous smile.

"We're swimming?" she asked with a frown.

"Yes, and unless you would prefer to take a dip fully clothed, again, you should put on some swimwear" he said poking her in the arm.

"Alright" she said resignedly walking away. What was Draco doing? And why wasn't he following her? Didn't he need to go to his room? Didn't he need his swimsuit too? She couldn't really work any of it out at the moment. She was still lost in her memories.

* * *

She tried so hard to keep them down. She yearned to swallow them whole into some deep pit in her stomach. Yet, they would surface of their own accord. And when they did, her whole world would crumble. Last night she had dreamt about what had happened, she had woken in a cold sweat sobbing. She hadn't had a nightmare in months, and now they were coming back. She didn't know what to do about them. Talk to someone? Who? She had told no one what had happened, not even Harry or Ron. She couldn't have. She felt so filthy and undeserving after it all. If she had told anyone, she knew they would have turned from her. No matter how she helped the cause.

She entered her room and shut the door behind her. She dropped her key and wand on her bed and went to her dresser to pull out her only swim suit. She wasn't sure if she wanted Malfoy to see her in the skimpy two piece. She had brought it for swimming in the pool they had inside the building. And yet she had not gone once. She undressed and pulled it on. Then she grabbed a dress from her closet and pulled it on top. She threw her clothing in the hamper and made sure her room was clean. She didn't know how late she would be returning, and Hermione preferred to sleep in neat areas. She pulled her hair back into a tight pony tail and then grabbed a towel, and then she grabbed another, just in case.

She snatched her key and wand from the bed and exited the room; locking it behind her. Deciding at that moment, that she would not think tonight. But she would let her instincts just guide her. They were dusty from lack of use, and were always nice to pull out once in a while. She just hoped they were up to the job.

* * *

Draco met her on the patio with a picnic basket in his one hand and a towel in the other. He grinned at her surprised expression and widened his arms beckoning her to him. Hermione cautiously stepped towards him.

"What is this?" she asked reaching for the basket; but he hid it behind his back.

"Dinner" he said simply "Come on, lets go"

"So is this like a date or something? Because you're already putting out; you filthy whore" Hermione joked as they traipsed through the tall grass. She let her fingers run softly along the tops of the tall blades; tickling her palm. She felt an ease with the fresh breeze that swayed the grass and cooled her head.

"If you want it to be; it can be a date" Draco said seriously following her side closely. His hands were wet with sweat. His chest contracted painfully, yearningly.

"You would have to _like_ me for this to be a date" Hermione said matter-of-factly. She smiled at him like a Cheshire cat, signaling to him it was now his move.

"I've dated a lot of people I haven't necessarily liked" Draco admitted, he knew this wasn't the best time to be honest, but what was the point of being secretive around her? She barely believed anything that came from his mouth, so it might as well have been the truth.

"Well it's a good thing this isn't a date" Hermione said quietly looking across the field to where the sun was just beginning to sink into the grass. Purple and blue clouds swirled around the large orange and red globe, like a Shirley temple on drugs. The grass was also tinted with an odd orange hue making everything around her absolutely delicious.

"I thought it might be a date" Draco smiled nudging her into the tall reedy trees.

"Oh, why would you think that?" Hermione asked now walking in front of him. She didn't want Malfoy to see her face, for she was blushing terribly. She knew he was just teasing her. It was what he did. Saying dirty and odd things that were often misconstrued by her own ears and mind. But Hermione never received this type of attention, and it meant something to her.

"Because I admire you and I kissed you yesterday. Twice. So that should be enough _proof_" he rattled on, following her absentmindedly into the dense forest. "And I allowed you to get us lost in the maze that is the 'block offices'. And I wasn't even really mad at you for that…and you punched me in the gems. You should be satisfied that I'm even talking to you. For you've done some pretty vile things to me" he grinned swinging his basket widely.

Hermione did not reply to him, instead she continued to walk ahead. He tried to stay as close as possible, it was impossibly dark in the trees and he could barely see her in front of him, even though he could still see blue sky in the gaps in the leaves above.

She led him through the familiar blackberry bushes and they stopped short on the other side. The pond looked so peaceful; as though it was a watercolor painting. The water still and painted with streaks of yellow, catching an impossible reflection from the sun. Hermione dropped her towels on the grass and walked to the edge of the pond. She leant forward and looked to the bottom. The smooth round stones were glistening.

"Come and sit" Draco called her.

Hermione turned back to him, surprised to see he had already laid a blanket. "I am a considerate and thoughtful man. Look what I have done for you. I have brought you food, I know you're hungry, I just don't know why you couldn't eat earlier" he explained opening the basket.

Hermione sat down gingerly on the purple blanket and peeked inside the basket. There were fruits and croissants, nuts and cheese, along with grape juice. "How very kind of you" Hermione said quietly; was she in the twilight zone?

Maybe he was trying to hard? Was it noticeable? Did she notice it? Of course she did, she probably thought he was a blithering idiot. Well, what the hell was he doing? Courting a girl that he really had no interest in after all. Little interest that was. Maybe a bit more then...

He took out the food and laid it before Hermione, eager to watch her eat something. She reached for a peach. "I love peaches" she smiled tenderly as she moved it from hand to hand. Draco watched her delicately brush her fingers along the furry hairs. His eyes avidly followed to peach's way to her mouth, she bit into it, earning a gratifying crunch. The sweet juice dripped down from the sides of her mouth to her chin, she wiped it away casually. He had wanted to wipe the juice away with his own hand. Like he had once before.

Hermione could feel him staring at her, but she didn't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing that she cared. So she kept her eyes straight ahead upon the water. She was perplexed by Draco's actions, and disturbed by his closeness. He disturbed her and all of her life; it was something she was just beginning to recognize. He had made her who she was, right from the beginning. And even later when they had forgiven one another, he had continued to push her…and then they had...

They sat silently and munched for twenty minuets. Draco ate his pear like a ghost, lying back on the blanket; his head supported by Hermione's two towels. The sun continued to set until the sky above them was a dark blue, and the stars could barely be seen twinkling above.

"Granger, I mean Hermione?"

"Yeah Draco?"

"Do you reckon we'll ever really manage to move on?" Draco asked with a frown; in the pondering mood suddenly.

"Yeah I reckon" she said simply throwing her peach pit far off into the grass. What had brought about such a question?

"I'm not sure I'll be able to. I might get used to it, and I might force my way past the memories…and yet, I'll never manage to move on. There are many things I think will continue to follow me. And some I wish would catch back up with me" he said pointedly to her. The stars were getting clearer by the minuet and the sweet scent of evening was closing around them.

"Perhaps. I'd love to forget some things, but there will always be something else to remind me…" Hermione whispered drawing her knees to her chest and placing her chin on them.

"Yeah" he agreed "But do you really want to forget everything that happened?" he asked with a frown.

"Sure" Hermione frowned herself; her eyes traveling to his lying form. Taking in the curve of his body, the way his bangs flipped at the ends, and how his cheeks were always pink. All things she remembered.

Then he sat up and sighed, "Let's swim" he said with a big smile instantaneously lightening the profound atmosphere. His smiled was wide and cracked around the edges, but Hermione appreciated it all the same.

"Lets" Hermione grinned back beginning to stand. They stripped their clothing away, throwing the shreds of fabric on the blanket. Hermione walked to the waters edge and slowly lowered herself into the pond trying to not notice his eyes on her body. Draco opted to just jump in.

Hermione gasped as the water splashed over her head drenching her hair. Draco resurfaced with a silly smile, "that was fun" he said.

"For you" Hermione muttered wiping the water out of her eyes.

"Yes, I didn't really consider how much fun it would be for you" Draco laughed swimming towards her. He stood before her, able to reach the floor easily. Hermione, on the other hand, had to put effort into staying above water.

"Can you smell it?" she asked looking around. A soft wind was wafting a sickly scent over the surface of the water and across the trees.

"Summer. It's almost here" Draco replied inhaling. "It smells sweet and warm, the air is thick and heavy with memories that will last a lifetime…" he smiled.

"How poetic" Hermione laughed splashing him.

He moved closer to her, Hermione frowned at his advances. "Can I kiss you?" he asked seriously.

"Usually you don't ask, but now I'm worried" she replied with a crooked smile. He continued to wait for her answer patiently; it seemed Hermione could not weasel out of this one with lame jokes.

"I don't know" she frowned rolling her eyes.

"May I ask why?" he said coming even closer and wrapping his arms around her, rendering her unable to get away. Hermione frowned at him; she didn't have an answer as to why. But she just didn't want him to kiss her; it felt like she was giving something away…

"You'll hurt me" she sighed knowingly.

"I promise to not bite" he said gravely.

Hermione couldn't help but to laugh, for being considered the biggest playboy of their year, Draco Malfoy was incredibly naïve. She wrapped her arms around his neck and smiled wryly, "That was not what I meant".

"Goodness sake Granger, all I want is a kiss…am I really asking for too much?" he frowned in frustration. Hermione had no reply. "As a matter of fact, you still owe me a damn kiss. So you kiss me" he said coolly.

Hermione gawped unappealingly. Was he sober? She had no reason to kiss him. And that was when her brain shut down and her instinct took over. There was never a reason; sure there were basic motives; but why did you do it Hermione? Because I wanted too…but why did you want it? Because it would make me happy. Pleasure was always the goal.

Hermione pressed her body right against his, her fingers combing through his wet hair pushing it away from his face. She stared at him inquiringly, would he hurt her? Oh yes, more than likely. But could he make her happy? Would Ron make her happy? Ron would make her happy. But would Ron give her what she needed? She couldn't know. Hell, she didn't even really know what she needed. But at this moment, all she craved for was human touch. And all she knew was the she was pressed up against Draco Malfoy, near naked and she had the greatest desire to swallow him whole. To just eat him up, because she was sure he would have tasted just like sugar.

Hermione pressed her lips to his with a savage desire. Her finger traced down his neck and across his shoulders. Her heart beat painfully. She pushed her tongue inside of his mouth and ravaged him. This was not her brains doing. But she did not regret what she was doing. He tasted sweet with pear and grape, and was warm around her. She wanted every little bit of him at that moment. All of him, if she could have melted into him it would have not been enough. She desperately wrapped her arms around him trying to make any space between them disappear.

Finally she pulled back, stunned at her own actions. She could feel Draco's arms shake weakly under her bum. He was staring at her as though he had never before seen her. "Oh" was all he said, his swollen red lips opened ever so slightly. Sucking in air feverishly to cool themselves from the wrath of Hermione.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what got into me" Hermione whispered hanging her head, shame creeping along her spine to her flushed cheeks.

"No, don't be sorry" Draco smiled releasing her back into the water; his whole body shaken. Hermione felt the cool water envelope her again and diminish the blush along her body. Her lips were burning painfully, but satisfaction hung heavy in her chest. Draco swam away from her with a coy smiled.

Draco smiled at her. So that was Granger? There was a real person behind the books. There really was someone to get to know. He had never been so helpless with a woman before, and yet if he had to, he would let her do whatever she wanted to him.

He dove to the bottom of the pond and picked up a stone; then resurfaced. His empty hand raked through his wet hair and he considered his treasure. A beautiful gray pebble. Simple, but smooth and perfectly round. He swam over to Hermione and offered it to her wordlessly.

She took it from his wet hand and admired it as well. It was lovely and simple. She then turned her hand, shocking Draco, and let it drop into the water. They watched it sink to the bottom patiently.

Draco looked up at Hermione and smiled delicately. At that moment Hermione felt something she hadn't before. It was difficult to explain and it came to her in a memory of childhood.

She used to sit for hours molding plasticine as a child. And at the very moment that she and Draco locked eyes when the stone dropped…She was reminded of how she used to thrust colours together. The crimson and yellow then the azure and green. Forcing them to mold to one another seamlessly.

Her mother would scold her relentlessly for ruining the plasticine; she would remind Hermione that later she would not be able to separate one colour from the other. She would tell Hermione that forever now the plasticine would remain an ugly lump of shades.

But what the colours made together was what was so beautiful, not repulsive like she had been warned. But rich soft rainbows that she could never see herself wanting to break apart, how the red and yellow swirled into a beautiful orange, a sunset like none in reality…forever molded, unable to tell where one began and the other ended.

She was plasticine.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter.

**A/N:** This is somewhat of a filler chapter, I usually hate them but I decided it would be better this way. Then chapter seven will make more sense. Because in the next chapter we get some interesting action happening. And a few characters make their first appearences!

* * *

And he was a magnet.

"Pretty" Draco murmured softly. His brain felt fuzzy and his nerves were so receptive that his whole body felt as though it were on fire.

"Yes it is" Hermione smiled. Her eyes were still on the shimmering pond bottom watching as the colours changed with the sunset. They faded from yellow to orange, now to pinks and purples. She could no longer tell where the grey pebble landed, or which one it was.

She looked up slightly surprised to see Draco was watching her. Hermione smiled at him and closed the distance between them "Don't say anything, okay?" she said placing her fingers over his lips "Don't ruin the moment with a pick-up line".

"I won't, only because I know that you can read minds" he grinned back taking her fingers off his lips and placing them on his shoulder. "Did you…" he began softly; unsure of where to begin.

"Did I what?" Hermione asked with a teasing smile. She pressed herself to him and sighed, she looked at him carefully and purposefully.

Draco's face was not hard, but all traces of his previous smile were gone. "Did you feel _something_?" he asked.

Hermione frowned, "Something? You'll have to be more specific than that" she said hesitantly.

"I just felt…you'll laugh at me" he chuckled dropping his head. He couldn't go on; she would mock him for being an idiot. It wasn't worth ruining the moment, Hermione was right.

"No, I won't laugh, you can tell me" Hermione said seriously, she moved her fingers across his shoulder and up to his chin. Draco turned to look at her and she beamed positively.

"I just felt this weird knot in my stomach, and my mouth went dry and things went…different. Like… I don't know how to explain it. It was like, two magnets, normally unable to contact…" he faltered into thought for a moment.

Hermione nodded in understanding, "Go on" she said gently.

"Well, it was like that. Can you imagine if those magnets pushed and broke the laws of physics and suddenly collided? It would be colossal, it would be disastrous. Like an atomic bomb going off, a star being reborn…defying of all laws…but gratifying" Draco finished unsurely.

The small chat ended there. Hermione did not know what to say next. Draco had expressed her every emotions eloquently. Where she faltered he did not.

What planet was she on? Everything felt like in a dream; everything impossibly beautiful for them. The emotions stirring in her stomach were tugging her into two different corners. Hermione wanted to leap at Draco again, she wanted to devour him. But she could not breathe with him in such close proximity. Would she have to be able to put such emotions into words, just like he did, before she could honestly explain them?

"What?" Draco asked with a frown. She had that odd calculating look upon her face again and it was scaring him. He hated not knowing what a person was thinking.

"I…- we should be getting back" Hermione said with a false smile. She took her hand off his shoulder and felt goosebumps wash over her body. She swam from him and to the dock to pull herself out.

Draco sighed and watched her get out of the water and walk over to her clothing. She dried her bathing suit with her wand and began to pull on her dress. He didn't understand what was wrong. What had he done, said, not said? He shared his raw feelings with her and she ran. Perhaps he was coming on to her too fast. Maybe he was toying with her. But he didn't want Hermione to think that. Yeah he was having fun with her, but he didn't want her to think he would just drop her like a rock when he got what he wanted.

That would have been an unfair assumption; for Draco did not know what he wanted.

Draco noticed small fine white lines across her back that he had not seen before; the moonlight was making them glow on her tanned skin. They were long and crisscrossed. Battle scars. They all had them. Some were emotional, others physical but the common trait between everyone who had fought for freedom. He wanted to touch hers.

Draco pulled himself out of the water too and walked over to her, "You okay?" he asked putting a gentle hand on Hermione's shoulder.

"Yeah, I'm fine" Hermione said quietly shrugging off his hand. She was avoiding his gaze with fervor. There was certainly something off with her at the moment. He just couldn't place what had caused this abrupt change.

When he touched her at that moment Hermione was sure that her body was going to break. The touch of his hand was enough to shatter all of her bones and resolve. He just reminded her of everything she didn't want to remember. Malfoy was her living reminder of why she was still in this damn hospice in the first place.

Draco decided to not push it, he had been pushing her since he had arrived here and maybe it was too much for Granger. "What's really wrong?" he asked.

"I just…" Hermione began lamely; she could not put anything into words. She was sure whatever came out of her mouth would sound idiotic. "I just…how can you express what you feel like that?" she asked turning on him suddenly.

"You mean what I said about…"

"Yeah, the whole magnets speech. It was amazing, and it made sense to me. You expressed in words exactly what I could not. I just feel like maybe…maybe I'm not feeling this right if I can't explain it. How can I possibly feel _it_ when I don't know what _it_ is" she sighed.

"Feeling it _right_? Granger, there is no way to feel something _correctly_. Most emotions cannot be but into words, but I was just struck with a sudden poetic streak. I can barely put everyday words into an order people will understand, there is nothing different about how you feel from how I feel" he smiled sweetly. "You might not ever be able to put those feelings into words, what is important is how you express them with the things you do" Draco place a hand on her shoulder again, and this time she did not shrug it off.

"Beautifully put" Hermione laughed softly "Let's go now".

Draco dried himself with a towel and pulled on his tee-shirt and converse. Hermione packed up everything into his picnic basket silently and carefully. Draco could see that she was thinking about something very important, her brows were furrowed and she was chewing on her lip. He stood and they silently trekked through the bushes and trees.

They held hands loosely, so as to not loose one another in the dark. The forest was impossibly dark, and tiny splotches of light littered about the ground, like spilt milk. The feel of Hermione's hand in his was not more than that of a ghosts, her fingers barely scraping his palm.

There were many heavy thoughts floating between the two of them, all encompassing and unbearably thick reflections choking them. Draco liked Hermione, always did. He never really hated her, he always liked her. No matter what he might have said or done in the past. But was his _like_ enough to be a valid reason for what he was doing? But it wasn't just him, Hermione was to blame too. It wasn't a one sided kiss, not a one sided touch. And in the end, he was not making up what he felt. It was true.

Did she like him? Yes, sure, why not. But what was _like_? It was not like the love she felt for Harry and Ron, but nothing could possibly compare to that love. And it was not the lust she had felt for Viktor, and it was not giddy heart she had presented to Oliver Wood. No, there was something truly frightening about not being able to understand what one felt for another. She knew what she felt, but it was different to know and to understand.

They entered the wheat field. The sky was pitch black and splattered with little white flecks, like a paintbrush aimlessly falling upon a black canvas. It looked like a scene from an old black and white picture, silent and cinematic.

Draco grabbed her hand and led her to the middle of the field, Hermione was not protesting so he kept going. He stopped when they were right below the moon. He then took the purple tablecloth and threw it on the ground. They both lay back silently crushing the stalks of wheat and simply stared above. Forgetting where they were initially headed, it seemed neither truly wanted to go back into the cement building.

A wind rustled the grass and blew across them, cooling thoughts and bodies. "Tell me Granger. Tell me what happened" Draco said quietly. He waited patiently for her reply. He knew she had heard him for she closed her eyes at his words.

The wind blew again before Hermione replied, "I don't know that I could" she admitted with a cynical smile.

"Why couldn't you?" Draco asked with a frown; he raised his head to look at her. Grangers face was composed and eyes wide and glazed. He could see the sky reflected in them. "You can, I won't tell anyone" Draco promised.

"No, I just…I wouldn't want you to think any less of me than you already do" Hermione sighed turning to him. She was positively serious and it worried him.

Draco was shocked, "I don't think poorly of you. I hold you very highly above others; in all honestly. Always have Granger, and you need to know that. Just because I act like an arse and often say rude things, it doesn't mean that I believe them" he explained, "It's just how I was raised to work". He sighed and ran a hand through his wet hair, "And I should be worried about you thinking little of me, because I would deserve it" he smiled.

"I did" Hermione admitted. "I used to think you were a horrible person. A truly mean person, for all of the things you had said and done to me. I was hurt, and a part of me still is, those things don't just pass" Hermione said.

Draco felt horrible, "I know. Every time I said something especially vile to you I was just passing it on. After my father would beat me, or do something particularly cruel I would come to school with a vengeance and would only have it in my mind to make others suffer as much as possible. Like I said, that was how I worked. My mother was gone most summers, on vacation, with family. Wherever, so it was usually just me, and sometimes I was blessed with the presence of my father. It was a pretty dismal life" he swallowed loudly and Hermione could hear the emotion in his voice, "It wasn't really until I betrayed my father and joined the Order that I realized what true friendship was. Even though I as still reluctant to take it, it was being offered. To me of all people! It was a sad time in my life too, it was when I realized everything I had been missing" Draco finished on a low point.

Hermione nodded and smiled, she placed a hand softly on Draco's cheek. "But you can start again now, and you can have all of those things you didn't have before" she said quietly. She wanted those things too; thinking ahead would help her forget what happened in the past.

"I guess, thing is…I don't know what I want" Draco winced. "I guess I want a job, a wife, children, a real home, but I don't know where to start" he smiled thoughtfully. He didn't know where to start, now that he was free, now that he could do whatever his heart desired without anyone telling him otherwise, Draco did not know where to begin.

"I'd go by the order you just listed those things in" Hermione laughed uneasily. She was too close to him right now. Hermione knew better than to assume this little fling was going to last. But they were already talking about the future and it scared her. Nothing was moving in the right order. Weren't they supposed to express how much they liked each other first? Then slowly move ahead. All they had done was shared _what_ they felt. Not _how_ they felt.

"We're straying from my original question" Draco said, suddenly dead serious. She was clever; Hermione was avoiding the question with impeccable skill. He had almost missed her actions, but no, he would not let her go that easy.

Hermione could feel the dread creep down her back like a disillusion charm. "What was that?" she asked weakly.

"I want to know what happened to you during the battle" Draco said simply. He caught her line of sight and held her eyes for a long time, "I really want to know, and if you won't tell anyone else, you might as well tell me".

"What reasoning is that?" Hermione asked huffily. She did not feel like talking about things she worked so hard to forget. Talking about such things was pointless, what happened could not be changed. It had happened and it would remain with her forever. Hermione had learnt that talking about things, did not always help to heal.

"Because, if you think, that I think little of you what do you have to lose?" Draco asked with a smirk. He had her there; there was no way she could possibly argue this one. He loved to one-up Granger, if for no other reason that her reaction.

"I shouldn't have to tell you, no matter how good your reasoning is" Hermione countered coldly. He was pushing; he was pushing too far too fast.

Draco sat up angrily, "Stop being a damn baby Hermione! Just fucking say it already. I'm waiting, we're all damn waiting to hear what you have to say!" he yelled.

"No you are not; you are just like the rest of them. You just want to know now. You want to be one of the privileged none to learn how I came about the information so you can pull me off of my damn tower!" Hermione replied just as viciously.

"Get off your damn high horse and admit your secret isn't all that amazing. Just say it! Besides remember, I don't really care about you, so what would it matter?" he yelled in exasperation; he grabbed her shoulders and shook her. She was making it so difficult for him; all he wanted to do was help her.

Hermione felt cold, her mouth had dropped open. How dare he use her own words against her like that? "No, I suppose what happened to me is not important. And I am not proud of the things I have done. Those you know about, and even those you don't. I just had some tough times; my un-amazing _secret_ shouldn't be forced upon your ears. Like it's even some damn secret…" she finished quietly.

It was Draco's turn to regard her sadly, "Granger, we all had hard times during the war, I want to know about that month you went missing and then you were found in a forest barely alive" he asked clearly "You can't fool me Granger, and you can't make me stop asking. You can sugarcoat it with Potter and Weasley; you can hide it from them because they love you. And they don't want to see you in pain, but I'm indifferent. I really just want to know what happened, no matter how much pain it might cause you to tell me" Draco disclosed frostily.

"You don't mean that?" Hermione said softly. How could he be so cruel? She had begun to think he was truly kind. And then to turn the tables on her like that...

"I do, I want to know what happened, and even if it causes you pain now, it might save you much pain later. And just because I'm not scared you have you hurt does not mean I dislike you. It means I like you more. I'm not like Potter and Weasley; you can't pull the same crap on me that you pull on them. I want to help you Hermione, if your friends can't help you, if the healers here can't…maybe I can try" they sat silently, pondering the words he had spoken before the silence was broken with a carefully asked question "Have you told anyone Granger?" Draco asked seriously.

"No" Hermione said truthfully, "I just came back with the information and nobody asked what had happened. You think I'm hiding this from everyone? No…" she became quiet suddenly, "No one even bothered to ask me what happened" she whispered.

"What do you mean?" Draco asked in confusion.

"I mean what I said; nobody damn asked me where I was. Nobody asked me what happened. No one fucking cared" she said turning onto her back again and staring up at the sky to blink away tears.

It was Draco's turn to gape. "You mean that?" he asked.

"I mean it. Everyone was so pleased with my information that they forgot to ask me how I was" Hermione said resentfully, her tongue was thick and Draco could hear the tears in her voice. "I learnt to push it away and hide it, I figured if nobody cared enough to ask me what happened, then why should I go about telling people if they didn't care" she cried.

Draco pulled her onto her side and wrapped his arm around her waist, "I'm asking you right now" he said seriously. His stomach was twisted with knots and he felt sick, he couldn't believe that no one had even cared enough to ask her where she was and what had happened. It was impossible to imagine Weasley and Potter forgetting Granger so quickly.

But yet again, in the midst of receiving Grangers info, they probably forgot. It was her knowledge that had helped them win the war; it was her sacrifice that had saved them all in the end. And nobody appreciated that.

"It killed to me think that no one cared. How could they have all missed me for a month and not even gave a damn thought to where I was? Was anyone looking for me? Was I even important enough to be found? I thought about leaving so many times that first week I was back" Hermione sniffled. "They all disappeared into their little planning room and forgot about me. And no one ever asked. No one asked why half the bones in my body were broken, or why I was bleeding. No one asked about my cuts and wounds… it hurts to be forgotten. And I'm still forgotten here. It's like I don't exist. Harry and Ron have continued on in their lives. For me time has been suspended. It feels like no one really cares" she whispered into his chest.

"Hermione" Draco whispered, he ran a hand through her wet hair gently and held her. Because he did not know what else to do. He had never imagined that this was the truth. He felt guilty now for assuming that she was a spoiled brat who just didn't want to tell…

"After a month, then the war… I guess I just figured that it was my burden and I should deal with it. It was unrecognized by others, but it was mine. And I know. I know what happened and I can understand it, and I can appreciate myself" she concluded.

"If you told me, I could appreciate you even more than I already do" Draco sighed placing his chin on the top of her head. He was still in disbelief about the whole thing. He tried to recall those days…he had been busy planning with Potter. Come to think of it, he hadn't even seen Granger for nearly a month after they brought her back. He saw her on the day they went into battle.

"I…" Hermione looked up at Draco. He was waiting, and she knew he could keep persisting until she told him. She wanted to tell him, and she knew she would. But not yet, it was too soon. "Not tonight. Okay?" she asked desperately.

"When?" Draco asked desperately. Now that he knew more, he so desperately wanted to share what she knew and felt. He felt guilty for crimes he did not commit. Weasley and Potter should have been there for her, they should have been there for her yesterday, and today too…instead they let her think she's forgotten.

"When I can collect all of the thoughts in my head and make them come out of my mouth. I'm afraid if I tried to explain it to you now, you wouldn't understand, and I wouldn't be able to finish what I began. When I am able to tell myself what happened, then I will tell you" Hermione promised.

Draco nodded, "Alright, but I won't forget Hermione. I have the memory of an elephant. I'll wait for you. But I require only one thing" he asked.

"Yeah?" Hermione replied shakily. She was worried about what he would ask from her. Hermione sucked at keeping promises, especially those she did not feel the obligation to keep. She swallowed hard.

"I want to know first, I asked first. Please let me know first" Draco smiled sweetly.

"I can do that" Hermione assured him securely. Perhaps this was one promise she could keep.

* * *

Hermione kissed Draco goodnight and opened the door to her room. She went straight to her desk and pulled out a sheet of paper. She could do it. If she could not say it, she would learn to write it as best as she could.

_They had attacked Hogwarts again for the second time in the week. Both sides were quickly loosing people. The deatheaters and the Order knew that they could not continue in such a manner. If they did, both would be out of forces by the end of the month. But so far there had been no breakthrough into Voldemort's whereabouts. _

_He did not attend battles, now that all of his horocruxes were destroyed; it was too risky to be in the line of fire. Voldemort expected his deatheaters to capture Harry and bring him to their lair. Not likely. _

_Hermione took down another deatheater attempting to run from the Hogwarts grounds. She couldn't keep going, but it seemed the fight was over. _

_"Harry! Harry where are you!" she screamed painfully, she had lost him. Hermione stumbled over the dead body of Dolton and ran towards the edge of the trees. She couldn't see or hear any of the Order. Where had they all gone? _

_Hermione stopped at the edge of the forest and stared out ahead into the small field before them, dead bodies were littered everywhere about the grounds of Hogwarts. And this was not even the final battle; this was no more than a weekly attack. And it was the worst one to date. _

_About here there was complete silence. Not even the chirp of a bird broke the eerie solitude about her. _

_"Harry?" she called weakly__ leaning against a tree. Hermione grabbed her side; she had been cursed with an unknown spell. But it was defiantly dark for it was beginning to spread through her. Hermione was slowly going numb; she could barely feel her wand in her fingers. _

_She could not apparate, and Hermione most surely could not walk back to the castle, she would not make it. She raised her wand to send a patronus to Harry. __But her arm stopped dead in the air when she heard a branch crack behind her. Paralyzed with fear Hermione shut her eyes and prayed that it was all in her head. _

_"No... no Potter, afraid it's just me darling" _

Hermione sniffled and put her quill down. That was enough for one night. Maybe tomorrow she could continue. She stood from her chair and glanced at her clock, it was almost one in the morning now. She might as well have gotten some sleep, for it seemed her days here were going to get more eventful.

Hermione walked past her door and saw a small piece of parchment slipped underneath. It had her name upon it in familiar perfect script.

She bent down to pick it off the floor, slowly she unfolded the parchment, anticipation eating at her. Hermione smiled contently as she read the note. Slowly she walked over to her bedside table and placed the note beside her picture from first year. Harry and Ron waved at her from the frame. Then they craned their necks attempting to read what she had stuck in their frame. Hermione just beamed back at her from the frame, happy as she was now.

It seemed that all the therapy Hermione needed was wrapped up in those four simple words, Hermione decided she would keep the note until it fell apart from old age. Four words, so simply put by the master of eloquence.

_"You are not forgotten" _


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Harry Potter.

**A/N:**If you are not familiar with British slang, you might want to pop open a British urban dictionary or something. I had a friend from North Dorset help me out with this chapter. Lol.

* * *

"Fuck you!" Hermione screamed standing and throwing her clipboard with all her might at Dr. Roberts' head. Lucky for him she missed by a mere centimeter. Instead of smashing into his head, the clipboard hit the wall with a clash and fell to the floor along with some chips off the wall. The papers floated to the ground silently and the room compressed in an instant. Dr. Roberts' was sitting in complete shock in his chair. His mouth slightly open and his face contorted in disbelief.

He cleared his throat and looked back to his own clipboard in his hands. He placed it in the drawer of his desk for safekeeping. "Well…" he muttered inaudibly. "And I thought we were making progress" he said dryly.

Hermione's chest was still heaving with rage, "Asshole! All you do is call me out. You want me to break down; you want me to sob my head off. You are sick. You are not helping me at all!" Hermione roared. She was done with sitting and looking pretty.

"I'm trying!" Roberts yelled back angrily. This girl had given him enough grief for a lifetime, he hadn't wanted her as a patient, no one had! But he was stuck with her until he received that damn information.

"How! By telling me that I'm pathetic? By telling me that no one else cares but you? By calling me practically dead because no one visits? How is that helping me? You are hindering me…" Hermione cried sinking back into her chair.

He wanted to help her. He wanted to do his damn job, but he knew what his orders were. Roberts understood how low he was going to get the information. And for what? So he could get money from the Prophet when they printed her story? Yes, that was why. And he wanted that money, he needed it. He honestly could not muster up even a speck of shame for what he was doing to Hermione. It was sickening all in itself. "I apologize Hermione; I really am trying to help you. But I'm getting frustrated with your lack of progress" Roberts answered coldly, his face had slipped back into its cool calculating mode.

Hermione sniffled and stood quickly. She could see right through him, as transparent as mesh. "Don't lie to me. Do not act condescendingly towards me. I am no idiot. I know what you've been doing from the beginning, but for some daft reason I've remained here. Anyway, I'm fucking done. You'll be lucky if I don't press charges for the _emotional damage_ you've caused" Hermione said with a sneer as she walked out. She stormed straight back to her room.

* * *

"My head" Hermione grumbled rolling over in her bed. She felt as though she had been run over by a Quidditch team. The clock on her wall said two o'clock. Hermione had missed breakfast and lunch and by the time she showered, and dressed it would be three, so she could just go to dinner. Naturally she would have to get out of bed first, but well…that was a matter of time.

She rolled over once more and sighed deeply into her pillow. She didn't feel like getting out of bed, she felt simply okay at the moment. Hermione had walked to her room and had written to Harry in a rage about how she was being treated. And then she had actually sent her owl. Usually she ended up throwing them away, but this time she sent the owl. If Harry received the owl today, that would have been wonderful. It was about time she had woken up.

Hermione had also ignored Draco for the whole day. She wasn't sure what to say or how to feel around him. There was an ache in her stomach that left Hermione feeling uneasy. The ache came about every time Draco crossed her mind. She had ignored his knocking on her door. But eventually guilt overtook her, so Hermione left a note under his door asking him to join her in the evening. He was so close t

Hermione took a look at her picture on her beside table, and then re-read her note for the millionth time that day. She then crawled out of bed and went to the bathroom. She showered, brushed her teeth and dressed. She felt a tab better now, at least fresh. Surprisingly Hermione did not feel even a tad built of remorse for what she had said to Roberts. She had wanted to say the words forever. And so she had. Now Hermione felt somewhat relieved. At least knowing she had made an effort to get out of the damn place.

A knock.

"What do you want?" Hermione screamed to her door, irritation was washing over her.

"It's me 'Mione!" Harry yelled through her door.

Hermione jumped loudly. She had not expected Harry to come so soon, or even at all. Hermione pulled her wet hair into a bun on the top of her head and ran to her door pulling it open.

"Did I disrupt you?" Harry asked stepping into her room awkwardly.

"No" Hermione said simply closing the door behind him. It was typical Harry, hair strew about his face, glasses dirty, but smiling and handsome. "It's been a while" Hermione said kindly she threw her arms about Harry's neck and hugged him tightly.

He returned the hug in relief. Harry had expected Hermione to kill him when the door opened. He had not visited her in weeks and she was still embracing him. This was why he loved her so much; she had a heart of gold. He released her reluctantly.

"Yeah sorry about that, I've been busy lately, applying to school…" he stopped at the heartbroken look on Hermione's face. "I've applied for you too" he added quickly.

"What did you put me in for?" Hermione asked moving closer like a child beckoned with candy. Her face was brightened with a giant smile. Harry could breathe easy for the moment.

Hermione could taste the idea of school on her lips, she wanted school so badly. She lived for school…it made her whole body tingle to think about the future and what she could be.

"I put you in for Auror training, Healer training, and International Relations in the ministry. Is that okay?" Harry asked unsurely pulling pamphlets out of his jacket. "Saying your name was enough it seemed. I didn't even have to do paperwork. So I assume you're accepted to all three, and it's your choice as to which one you would like to attend" Harry explained beaming with pride for his friend.

"Oh thank you!" Hermione squealed throwing her arms around Harry who gladly accepted her hug again. This meeting was going much better than he had expected. He felt like Hermione was truly back, he felt like the girl hugging him was the same one as two years ago.

"I just came by to see how you were doing and to see about that owl you sent" Harry said softly, concern crossed his face.

"About that Harry. Listen, I…I think they won't let me leave" Hermione said with a glower.

Harry nodded, "I've suspected as much, I mean it's ridiculous, you've been here too long for no good reason. They're harassing you for information is what you said?" he asked sympathetically.

"Basically" Hermione sighed with relief.

"I'll have you out by tomorrow, I'll get Kingsley to pull strings, get Aurors in here to check out the place and then you'll be back home with us. Where you belong" Harry smiled giving Hermione a third hug; this one felt most sincere.

"I can't wait" Hermione said honestly. She wanted to be living again, she wanted to see everyone and to be free to leave and come when she pleased. And most importantly Hermione wanted to go back to school.

"That was all I really had to say" Harry said quietly looking about her room. His face was flittering about, thoughts flying behind his eyes like paper. Hermione frowned.

"No, what else Harry?" she asked with a sigh.

"Uh, well, nothing really" he frowned.

"Harry you would be long gone by now had you nothing else to say to me. So just come on out with it and say it" Hermione frowned crossing her arms.

"Ron's sort of moved on" Harry said sadly. He truly looked heartbroken at the news, as though someone were breaking it to him and not him to Hermione. "It…it is really confusing. I guess I just wanted him to wait for you. I wanted you to be together. Like we planned" Harry said miserably.

Hermione smiled knowingly, "No, like _you_ planned in your head Harry. Ron and I were never together, we said we would try after the war but that was it. To be honest I don't think Ron and I are meant for a relationship that pushed friends".

"You seem more okay with this than me" Harry said with a wry smile.

"It happens Harry, people drift. And Ron shouldn't have to wait on me, as I shouldn't have to wait on him. If Ron and I are meant to be, as you think, it will happen. If not, then that will show itself too. We've all changed Harry, maybe we need to run amok and figure out who we are" Hermione sighed with a smile.

"Who have you met?" Harry asked with a ridiculous grin.

Hermione gasped in shock, "I haven't met anyone I didn't know before" she answered truthfully, although discretely. Harry was more perceptive than she gave him credit for.

"Alright" he said in disbelief "I don't believe you, but the least you can do is let me meet the person when you get out. And one more thing…please tell me they are not in the serious condition ward?" Harry asked.

Hermione smacked him hard "Arse! Of course not!" she laughed.

"Okay, I need to get going, Ginny and I are going shopping" he said with a roll of his eyes. Harry walked to the door and Hermione followed him.

He turned to face her and give her his critical eye, but everything about her was perfect. For a moment, standing there and simply looking at Hermione, with her knowing smirk…it felt like back when things were right. He knew, and he understood everything she must have suffered for him. But there was no way to express gratitude of that enormity. The glory was sweeping and fleeting, but whatever and however Hermione had managed to help him was not forgotten.

"Thank you for visiting Harry and for helping me out of this hellhole" Hermione said opening the door for him.

"Yeah, anything for you Hermione. You know I love you and I would do anything for you" Harry said softly. He hugged her tightly a last time and kissed her head, "Hermione, thanks for helping me save the world, I owe you more than I probably owe anyone else, even though I don't tell you very often. You should know it anyway. You should know you mean the world to me, and to Ron. Without you…we would only be compassion and brawn. Compassion and brawn are not enough alone, don't forget" he then let her go and walked out her door with a small wave.

Leaving Hermione standing at her door feeling warm all over. Were things coming together for her? It seemed as though she was finally going to leave this damn place and get started on life. Just a day and she was gone from here forever. Harry said he cared, he had not asked her what happened, but he acknowledged that something had. Eventually, someday he would ask.

As for Ron moving on, Hermione didn't have a rational explanation as to why it didn't bother her. Hermione loved Ron, but perhaps she was getting her loves mixed up. As she had told Harry; if she and Ron were meant to be together it would happen in the end. If not, then she would find another as would he.

She must have really been growing up. No jealously, not hatred towards this girl Ron was now interested, was this adulthood? Hermione actually felt happy for them and she hoped to meet the girl when she got out.

Hermione hugged herself and smiled. Perhaps she had moved on herself…she thought about Draco. How his simple touch could send racking waves through her body, how his kisses felt like they belonged only to her. Hermione had been holding herself back all this time, out of fear. Perhaps she was letting herself move ahead now. And that was the necessary first step to beginning life. No fear, no regrets for the decisions made, you can't go back, what's the point of staying in place...so you might as well go forward.

* * *

"Hey" Hermione said softly seating herself next to Draco on the patio bench. He had not been in the dinner hall, so Hermione assumed he would be outside. She was glad she was right; otherwise she'd have to go back to his room.

"Hey" he replied shortly.

"I want to thank you" Hermione said staring out into the field. She squinted happily as the sun assaulted her eyes.

Draco turned in shock, his angry guise falling from him like a sheet, "what on earth for?" he asked with curiosity.

"For showing me you cared, and making me see that things are not miserable. For not babying me and telling it how it is, and for making me face the things I've been ignoring" Hermione said quietly but without doubt.

Draco nodded, "You're welcome" he said uneasily. He didn't know what to say to something like that. He had never considered he _helped_ her. Draco just thought he was being nice, it just seemed like the right thing to do. He felt guilty for acting a baby; he had been peeved that she had ditched him all day. "Should I be charging now?" he asked with a sardonic smile, lightening his own mood.

Hermione laughed, "I would go to you for therapy everyday, willingly too" Hermione admitted. She turned her head to him and smiled softly. He was staring straight ahead into the large field, his face emotionless but thoughtful. The sun was bathing his face in soft light; his edges were blurred and touchable. Hermione placed her hand on his knee gently.

Draco turned to her and sucked in a deep breath. The light bathed her body, softly sweeping about her. Hermione seemed fuzzy in his vision, but Draco was not worried, not in the least. He knew she would not fade.

"I heard Potter visited" Draco said lightly.

"Yeah, he's going to try and get me out tomorrow" Hermione said contentedly.

"Oh" Draco said hesitantly, he didn't want her to leave. But he knew it was selfish to think in such a way. But for some reason his heart was telling him that if Hermione left now, he wouldn't ever see her again. It was a horrible teasing thought, but it prevailed.

"It's about time, I need to move on" Hermione sighed.

"What will you leave behind?" Draco asked quietly, returning his eyes to the plain scenery. Letting the green and blue distract him, he focused his eyes upon the gold scattered throughout the field. And the gold even lower down where he and Hermione had crushed wheat stalks the night before. Unceremoniously destroyed nature's life to rebuild their own lives, he hoped that the wheat stalks had righted themselves. He hoped they had not been bent in vain.

"I want to leave behind this place, my insecurities, my judgment" Hermione said, "But I would like to take something with me if I may?"

"What?" Draco asked raising his brows.

"I'd like to take my new resolve. I'd want to take the beginnings of my future; I'll need your note. And naturally I'd put you in my bag as well. But seeing that you could not fit, I would have to take you by the hand" Hermione smiled squeezing his knee.

Draco sighed in relief and turned completely towards Hermione; concern clear upon his face, "I was worried you might have wanted to leave me too" he sighed.

"You're the only good thing that's happened to me since I've been here. And I wouldn't ever want to lose your friendship" Hermione said in distress. How could he even think that she would forget about him? He meant more to her than just that. And she was glad that she meant something to him too.

"Friendship?" Draco asked in surprise, not the word he would have used.

"For now" Hermione said taking her hand off his knee and placing it on his cheek. "For now it is all I can comprehend. I don't know what would happen if I let you in further. I don't know that I'm ready for that. And I wouldn't want to ruin anything for you by being me…" Hermione said sadly "I'm afraid that you would be disappointed when you saw my lack of emotional depth"

"Disappointed? By you?"Draco said in confusion. "Impossible; Hermione you have one of the biggest hearts I've ever see, you don't have to be with me for that to be noticeable. But if you want to be friends, that is okay with me. So long as we can be friends who share extremely passionate kisses" he grinned. Hermione knew he was alluding to last night.

"Alright" she said in mortification.

"Why are you turning red?" he asked poking and prodding further.

"No reason" Hermione said turning back to stare out into the field.

"So what should we do on our last night here?" Draco asked changing the topic for her sake.

"I don't know, we could get lost again?" Hermione suggested with a small smile.

"Right, well as much as I love you I don't think I ever want to live through that experience again" Draco grimaced.

Hermione froze, he said he loved her…but of course he didn't. It was just an exclamation, nothing more. She was being ridiculous. "We could go to the pond again?" Hermione suggested shakily, unable to pry the nagging word from her mind.

"Hmmm…I'm not in a swimming mood tonight" Draco frowned. He couldn't believe he had let such a little thing slip from his lips. Love? Hardly, it was just a saying, nothing more.

"Alright, then what do you suggest we do?" Hermione asked with a huff. All of her ideas were being turned down.

"Make love in the wheat field?" he asked wagging his eyebrows seductively.

Hermione gave him an incredulous look, "Tell me Draco, do _friends_ do that?" she asked.

"No I guess they don't" he said pursing his lips. "Let's just go eat and then sit in the field like we did last night and talk. I liked that" he offered.

"Okay, I can live with that" Hermione said standing and brushing her butt off. She craned her neck to see if she had dirtied her shorts. She didn't feel like walking around with a giant stain on her rear.

"Don't wear white shorts and you won't have that problem" Draco said with a smirk. He was enjoying the way Hermione was spinning about, unable to see her back. He could tell her it was clean, but to watch her was more fun.

Hermione stared at him in disbelief, "Advice Boy? Maybe you should take your own sometime" Hermione said shortly before turning on her heel and heading inside.

Draco looked down, and indeed he was wearing white shorts, which now had dirty brown lines across his rear from the wooden bench. He muttered angrily under his breath and followed her in.

"I feel so full" Draco groaned placing his hand on his stomach.

"I told you that second steak was a bad idea" Hermione said casually as she leant back on her elbows.

"Whatever would I do without you? Who would bathe me and feed me and change me?" he asked dryly laying next to her.

They were even lower down the field than last night, they were almost sloped downwards. Hermione wondered was what even lower, but unfortunately she and Draco were a mere meter from the boundary. This would have to be the edge "Don't you have a nanny for those kinds of tasks?" Hermione giggled.

"I'll have you know I haven't had a nanny since I was sixteen" Draco said in honest pride.

"Three years? Wow. You are such a big boy" Hermione muttered rolling her eyes. She couldn't believe he had had a nanny until the age of sixteen. No wonder he was such a damn prat.

"You sound like you don't believe me you silly bint" Draco mused with a small twitchy smile. He loved to call her out.

"How dare you call me a bint, you pillock" Hermione said in mock rage.

"Scrubber" Draco retorted.

"How many whore insults can you bring to mind? Tosser?" Hermione grinned.

"I cannot deny that, since I have run into you it is an often occurrence" Draco sighed amiably.

Hermione grimaced, "Um, gross much" she then sighed and observed Draco "I like being mean to you. It may be the one thing I excel at in comparison to you. Let's keep going"

"You actually want to fight, and you think you are better than I at insults? This young lady has delusions of adequacy" Draco muttered to himself "Alright" he said "you go first"

"Alright…how about…" Hermione chortled to herself.

"What?" Draco asked.

"No, its mean, it's not so much of an insult as a joke" she chuckled.

"That's the point Granger, now spit it out. I won't be offended, especially if it is some silly muggle joke" Draco sneered.

"Alright then… There's a smart blonde, and Santa Claus ... they both jump off a bridge, which one made the biggest splash?" Hermione asked; she was trying very hard to not laugh.

"Santa…the muggle fat guy in red? Christmas man?" Draco asked in confusion. Hermione nodded yes "He's pretty fat; I've seen him in muggle movies. Wait is this a trick question, is the blond fat too?" Draco asked in perplexity.

"Answer the question Malfoy" Hermione said in exasperation.

"Okay, Santa I guess" Draco said pursing his lips.

Hermione burst out into laughter "Neither... because they both don't exist!" she cried with tears streaming from her eyes.

Draco had to think it over and then it hit him like a ton of bricks. "That wasn't nice" he said simply. He was smart, not as smart as Granger, but he was still smart, and a blond. Hermione was on her side clutching her stomach and still laughing. He didn't have the heart to stop her; he loved to watch Hermione laugh.

"I'm sorry" Hermione sighed "I couldn't help it, it applies"

Well, that was the last straw. It applies? My ass…"My turn then…" Draco tried to find the rudest thing he had ever said in his life…he chortled "can I borrow your face for a few days? My ass is going on holiday" Draco said simply, pleased with his quick stab.

Hermione paused in her laughter to stare at him in disbelief, for a moment he was sure she was going to cry, he was just about to apologize when Hermione burst out into laughter again, her eyes swam with tears. At least the girl had learnt to take a damn joke "And you are Bambi with testosterone!" she cackled.

"_Bambi_?" Draco asked in confusion. He could only assume it was insulting, but he had no idea what a _Bambi_ was. "Anyway, I didn't mean what I said to you. You are very pretty; as I have told you before" Draco smiled turning on his side to face Hermione.

He wiped away her tears and laughed himself. "I haven't seen you laugh that hard…ever. Well, possibly that day in third year when I fell into a mud puddle, you laughed then. But, I won't mention it again. It was degrading" he muttered.

"And then you tried to pull me in too, as I recall what you said was 'mudblood, I made it cozy, now get where you belong with the pigs'" Hermione said in a sad tone, her high had disappeared and she came crashing back to reality. She had actually cried about what he had said later that night. But she had tried hard to save face in the moment.

"And then you reminded me that pigs were actually one of the most hygienic animals on the face of the earth and I was muddling their home; then you continued to laugh at me" Draco said poking her.

Hermione nodded quietly. "Hey Draco, do you still think that way?" Hermione asked timidly, she was afraid of what the answer could be.

"Think what way?" he asked unsurely.

"You know, that you are better than me because of blood?" Hermione said unsurely. She hadn't really wanted to go into this territory, but it appeared before her so she might as well have. She had wanted to know for years.

Draco didn't reply. Instead he stared at Hermione as though she had five heads. He was truly impossible sometimes, "Well?" she asked again.

"I don't know. I haven't really tested the theory" he admitted.

"What do you mean?" Hermione asked.

"Well, I haven't really had a reason to think that way since the war began. But…I don't know if I really believe it. I guess I sort of do" he confessed "You know, it's just that I understand where my magic comes from. And that makes me more confident and perceptive about it. I get it, you know. But for people like you, who are simply born magical. It makes me wonder how, why? What did you do to deserve magic?" he frowned. He hadn't wanted to answer, but she had asked. And Draco had no reason to lie, if she didn't like his answer, it was her problem.

Hermione was hurt, but she almost understood what he meant. That did not mean it wounded her any less. "So… I guess that makes you better than me… well then what does that make me?" she asked nervously.

"I don't know" Draco said, he was trying desperately to think of something charming or witty to say, but nothing was coming to him at the moment. He realized his long gap was not helping the situation. "Does this even really matter Hermione?" he sighed.

Hermione's face fell. It mattered very much to her. She couldn't believe his words. Hermione could not believe that he would lay her with her, that he could touch her and kiss her and still believe in his heart that she was not as important as him. It crushed her. "Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but you truly abuse the privilege" Hermione said lividly as she stood to leave.

"No. You are not walking away until we discuss this. I don't care how stupid you find me to be" Draco sighed grabbing her arm and pulling her back down to him. He had not gotten the chance to explain himself properly.

"Discuss what? Does it really matter any way? Whatever you could possibly say it wouldn't change the way you feel about me. I'll always come second to you Draco. I don't know if you are capable of liking anyone more than you like yourself, or even appreciating someone on the same level. And I don't know that I can handle that" Hermione said pulling her arm from him. She had so desperately wanted him to say that he didn't believe the pureblood bollocks; she had so dreadfully wished for it. But it seemed true that some people never changed.

"What do you want to know Hermione? Would I sacrifice myself for you right now if I had to? I don't know if I would. Why should I, you are not my wife, I do not love you. Your life is no more important than mine" he said just as angrily.

"That was not what I asked, but I think you proved me right. And I hate that. I just wanted to belive that you thought I could be as important as you. I wanted to know that you would not think that…that if one of us should die, you would be more worthy of life. But you seem to really think that way" Hermione said softy, she was close to tears. She moved as far from him as she could.

"You are a girl I'm getting to know slowly and the more I get to know the more I detest" Draco said maliciously.

Hermione's breathing hitched. "Are you trying to be a jerk, because you are getting much better at your insults" she spat.

Draco grabbed her hand and pulled her across the whole blanket to lay flush against him, Hermione struggled halfheartedly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I like you very much and you already know that. Listen, I'll explain this simply. While I may still believe blood matters, it doesn't mean I will still believe it in a few years. When I get more experience, when I perhaps fall in love…" he said.

"What does love have to do with it?" Hermione asked coldly, interrupting him callously.

"I think love may be a possibility between us Hermione. Don't you?" Draco asked.

"No" she replied meanly.

"You do. And while it may not be here yet I can honestly say that I have not felt the way I feel about you for another ever. Hermione lets put it this way, when you touch me I don't ever want to be touched by anyone else again. It does not matter who your parents were, because I can see their values instilled in you. My prejudice will fade, blood will always be blood, and we can all bleed to death from a wound to the heart. I think if you gave me a chance I could love you someday. And you could live out every woman's dream and change me" Draco smiled tracing the bridge of her nose with his finger.

Hermione was frowning "You sound awfully confidant" she pouted.

"Hermione, you can't understand, since I'm sure with your heart of gold, you've loved more people in your whole life than generations of my family have. What I feel for you is terrifying, the fact that I want to see you when I get out of here is scary too. I've never wanted to spend time with any girl. But I want to spend time with you, I have no problem just listening to you talk, and I respect your space. These are things that do not usually come with the package, you know that" Draco pleaded.

"I know" Hermione nodded. "I just worry about what you think when you look at me, do you see an equal, of someone lesser?" Hermione asked.

"I see someone superior to me in all aspects. I see a girl with beauty and brains, someone with compassion and bravery, a girl who struggles everyday and never cries. I see things I always thought I possessed, until I met you and realized what it was to be all of those things" Draco kissed her softly, as though to emphasize his point.

Hermione smiled a small smile, but a smile nonetheless. "Don't flatter me, I don't really own all of those traits, I fake most of them" Hermione admitted sadly.

"You've got it all in here girl" Draco said placing his hand on her chest, right on her heart "This is where it all begins. Now you just have to get it organized up here" he tapped her forehead gently and smiled.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter.

* * *

"Harry, are you serious?" Hermione asked crossing her arms in frustration. She wanted to tug at her cloths, to tear her hair, but instead she stood rigidly. 

"I just… I just can't do anything Hermione" Harry groaned tiredly rubbing his nose.

Hermione slumped down onto her suitcase and crossed her legs. She didn't know what to think, her mind was running frantically. "But…they've given my room away already" she spluttered.

"I know…I was sure you'd be out. But they said that technically you can't be released until they can mentally assess you, and you _have_ to be mentally fit" Harry explained "Kingsley is trying to pull the strings, but unfortunately, you're not the first item on his list, and medical care trumps the ministry's decisions"

Hermione might have screamed had she not be in total shock. Her bags were packed, there was another person in her room, and she was now sitting on her suitcase staring at Harry Potter in utter disbelief. "Oh…" she sighed.

"You'll just have to go into one of the shared rooms for a while" Harry said apologetically.

"How long is a while?" Hermione asked with an arched brow.

"Four days, then you get your assessment" he promised.

Then the world imploded.

"FOUR DAYS! I HAVE TO WAIT FOUR DAYS FOR A MEDICAL ASSESSMENT! I SEE THE DAMN DOCTOR EVERY MORNING, WHY FOUR DAYS?" Hermione screamed startling a few nurses walking by. Harry flinched but kept his ground. She was taking it fairly well, he had been expecting much worse.

"I don't know why four days Hermione. I can only assume it's for the same reasons you've been here for months. Listen, Kingsley agreed to the four days. But after that he's pulling you out regardless of the law or not. He's told the heads of medicine he'll take the case to the Wizengamot if you aren't released. So all you have to do is endure four more days" Harry said with a frown approaching her.

Hermione jammed her finger in his throat threateningly, "Listen Harry, four days is the end. If I'm not out of here by Monday morning, you will seriously regret ever introducing yourself to me" she seethed.

Harry nodded and smiled; "Monday then" he repeated. He wrapped Hermione in his arms despite her protests and kissed her head loudly "When you get out you can help Ginny plan the wedding" he grinned before walking away from Hermione's excited squeals.

* * *

"I don't know Granger, your predicament does not daunt me" Draco sniffled, trying hard to not grin. She was ridiculous. Hermione's lower lip was sticking out dangerously far and her eyelashes were fluttering as though caught in a gale. Hermione did not work the feminine allure too well when she was intentionally trying. There was nothing flirty about her. 

"Please!" Hermione whined placing her hands gently on his chest. Draco felt his skin tingle underneath his shirt; he retracted his earlier comment. Her fingers were barely touching him and he felt his guise breaking.

"How am I supposed to control myself with you around me, I am a man?" he asked with a raised brow.

"It's only four days" Hermione murmured looking at her feet. She had him in the palm of her hand. There was no way he would actually refuse her. Draco couldn't be so cruel to force her into one of those scary shared rooms. You never knew who you could end up with.

"I don't know" Draco frowned mockingly. Hermione would have to work for it; he wasn't going to just give in.

Hermione rose on her toes and kissed him lightly on the lips, "Will you leave me homeless. Will I have to go next door to Adams and ask him if he will take me in?" she asked with a smile.

Draco laughed and pushed her away. "Alright, when you put it that way" he sighed grabbing her suitcase and dragging it into his room, "But I keep my bed, you can take the lounge"

"Right" Hermione said rolling her eyes, and knowing fully well she would be in his bed and he'd be on the floor.

"I mean it Granger, and don't think we can share…I'm not that kind of girl" he grinned back at her. Hermione snorted with laughter.

* * *

"What are you writing?" Draco asked leaning over Hermione's shoulder. She had been sitting at his desk for an hour scribbling something. She wasn't exactly distracting, but thoughts of her kept popping into his head as he attempted to read his book. Well…her book. Nonetheless, he didn't like being left out in the dark. Whatever she was writing it seemed to be coming out furiously, she barely paused at all. 

Hermione covered the parchment with her arms; "You can't read it" she smiled softly to let him know she wasn't annoyed.

"Why?" Draco asked indignantly.

"Not yet, I'll let you read it later" Hermione promised.

_Another whipping, __another day. Hermione's knees were bucklin__g again__, but if she let go the chains would rip her arms out of their sockets. Not a wince, not even a small __cry. The__ first time she had been whipped Hermione had sobbed and screamed, but after many more to come, she realized that her voice was pointless and screaming was __exhausting_

_Hermione had yet to see her attackers. But she knew there were at least five. Different voices, different steps, different tactics. She had been chained to the wall for ages. __How many days had passed, Hermione could not tell__, especially due to__ the darkness of the chamber she was stuck in. So she counted the number of times she was visited. A week must have gone by__ at least_

_Her legs had cramped long ago and now they were just dead sticks. She had been standing for her whole time here. Her arms chained impossible high above her head__, her face smashed against the stone wall__. That was the worst punishment inflicted upon her. Eventually her legs would completely give and she'd end up breaking her wrists or dislocating her shoulders. _

_For now all she could hear were the grunts of the person behind her. And the fat sting of the leather coming down on her back. __It was numbing. But she would never tell._

_"Where is Potter?"_

_"Where is Weasley?" _

_"Where __is__ the headquarters?"_

_She never answered even one. Coming into the order Hermione knew what the expectations were. And if she had to die in order to save Harry, well…that wasn'__t even worth wondering about. Harry's life was so much more important than her own, and she recognized that. Not to mention Hermione would never be able to forgive herself should she spill. So she shut her lips tightly and took the brunt of the pain. _

_"Oh Granger…you could go…if you wanted to. __My love, all you need to do is to just tell me anything…anything at all" _

_His voice was muffled by a mask. But it was clearly a him, and it was such a familiar voice. But Hermione could not place it. Taunting and soft, the tone she used with Harry and Ron when they were being dense. Hermione could feel the smile in his __voice, she was sure it was a handsome smile__But there was no reply_

_A cool hand ran under her shirt and across her back. Hermione couldn't help but __wrench__ with pain. __She gasped loudly and pressed herself to the wall to get away from the invading touch. __The hand continued to move across her back, softly and sweetly, over her fresh wounds. "Hurts?" a rhetorical question. _

_A pair of gloved hands reached above her head to grab her arms. A moment later she found herself falling to the sweet ground. Her legs finally __having given up, they shook underneath her. _

_Cradling her torn and bruised wrists in her lap Hermione ventured to look up. Masked, __no surprise. She snorted loudly. __The man crouched down on the ground close to her, "You know Granger…there are things worse than whippings and beatings. You can only smash someone's bones so many times before you realize it doesn't work" they paused and Hermione could feel the piercing glare from behind their simple black mask "How can I break you Granger?" they asked softly__, again Hermione was sure they were smiling__ Whoever was behind the mask seemed awfully young, they spoke as though they were complimenting her rather than threatening. The words didn't fit._

_Hermione felt a shudder run through her body, "How to break Gryffindor's beautiful virtuous __child__?" they asked. Hermione lowered her eyes, hoping that her __dread__ wasn't noticed upon her face. Her whole body was aching, but not with the inflicted pain. Her body was aching for freedom, for survival, for distance from this person__, she was aching to run__. But she was frozen in her place. __They were too close, a boundary was being crossed. She could smell their cleanliness, their cologne, the mint on their breath. She was overtaken with a jealous ire. Her body began to shake._

_"Oh…are you scared?"__ they asked with a mocking tone__. Hermione was __absolutely __petrifie__d, but anger was swallowing her fear__. Nothing was adding up in her mind. __Nothing was making sense anymore. __"You are…I can see it on your face. You may be strong now, but what about when it's not your life in question Hermione, what then?" then they stood and walked out of her cell__ swiftly. __The door clanged loudly behind them. Hermione took in her surroundings. Black and lonely, she was alone…where were her friends? _

_Clutching her heart with her hand Hermione gasped __for an unattainable__ breath. __Everything was closing in around her. __Her skin had broken out in goosebumps at the use of her name, but her brain had ceased to function at his simple question. _

Hermione folded up the parchment and placed it with the rest of her papers in her bag, making sure to do all of this while Draco was in the washroom. Her trembling hands raked through her hair as she sat on his bed. It was just as bad to write the things than to say them.

The oddest thing though was that Hermione found herself writing in third person. Something about it made her feel distanced, it did not feel like her life. Instead it felt like looking down into a pensive, she had the control of her characters. It helped.

"You okay?" Draco asked coming out of the washroom and wiping his wet hands on his jeans. He could feel something was off simply by the curve of her spine. It was sloped downward.

"Yeah" Hermione replied softly, her eyes attached to the wall.

Draco sat down next to her and shared her gaze. The wall was not that interesting no matter how intensely Hermione was staring at it. He was secretly pleased Hermione would have to remain for another four days. It was a dirty thought, but he felt that while they were here things would be okay. They could connect.

What worried him was what would happen when she left. Would anything really continue? It was one thing to say it would, but when Hermione was bombarded with her family, friends, school…would she remember to owl him? Draco's heart pleaded to say yes, but his brain was far more rational. It was amazing just how many excused he could create for Hermione should she forget him.

"So…" he said unsurely.

"Draco…what was your father like?"

Her question startled him to his core. Hermione knew very well what his father was like. Why would she ask? "You already know" he replied guardedly. He didn't feel like going into the territory.

"I was just wondering how your life was with him…was he always a monster?" Hermione asked softly. There was no rudeness in her voice, but rather some bitterness that Draco could not place.

He didn't have the heart to leave her hanging. "For my whole life, yes he was a monster. My mother fell in love with him, so he must have been a good human being at some point. But when Voldemort came about…I don't think he was that awful yet. He didn't understand what he was getting into. He thought it was all righteousness, I don't think he realized the extent of Voldemort's philosophy. He didn't identify, but by the time he did…it was too late to get out. And frankly Lucius didn't care to leave the death eaters at that point" Draco frowned.

"What about at home?" Hermione asked.

"I don't remember much of my early childhood, but from the picture's I've seen I looked pretty happy with my mother and father…" he stopped talking. It was okay, Hermione knew what came next anyway. "Where do these questions come from?" Draco asked in a strangled voice.

A shrug of the shoulders, she was not going to answer him. It was remarkable just how tight lipped Hermione could be when the questions were directed at her. Where did it come from? What happened to the honest girl back in school who couldn't lie to save her hide? "Hermione tell me" Draco pleaded.

She shook her head, "I have nothing to tell you" she replied abruptly. Her voice was clipped and Draco could see the edges around her mouth harden.

"Nothing?" he asked in disbelief, and a touch of hurt.

"No…"

"Are you going to leave me like that?" he asked quietly, a small tremble in his voice.

"Leave you like what? Honestly Draco" Hermione said with a tinge of anger.

"Am I supposed to spew out all of my life stories and secrets for you to swallow up like the greedy bitch you are, and you won't tell me anything about yourself? You won't let me know who you are?" he asked heatedly standing up. His blood was pumping dangerously fast making him lightheaded.

"You know who I am" Hermione said evenly attempting avoiding his impending storm.

Draco stepped in front of Hermione and grabbed her shoulders tightly. She could feel his fingers digging into her flesh; suddenly everything felt so much more real, "No Hermione, I remember who you _were_months before. I don't know who you are now" he spat.

She looked up at him, unable to understand what he meant. "I…" she stumbled, unable to get her words out. His hands flew from her as though he had been slapped. The look on his face was terrifying. He was lost for thought, lost for words; he didn't know what to say to her. All he could do was shake with unreleased rage, his body trembling with fear of what he might do and later forget. Hermione watched sadly as his mouth opened and shut multiple times before he said anything.

"Hermione, do you honestly expect me to just _forget_ it? I told you you're not forgotten. And I meant it in every possible way. I won't let this go. I won't let you go until you tell me what fucking demons you have! How the hell do you ever expect us to be together if you won't be honest with me?" he yelled. He was in a rage and he couldn't stop it, his desire for release was taking over.

"I can't tell you, you couldn't possibly understand!" Hermione cried jumping off the bed and standing dangerously close to him. She realized he could very well deck her should he chose to "You wouldn't understand what happened…"

"THEN HELP ME!" Draco screamed shoving her back down on the bed roughly "DON'T BE A FUCKING MARTYR HERMIONE! YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE WITH ISSUES!" Draco took a shaky breath in, but he was unable to look at her offended and perplexed face. Hermione was not the victim here, if she couldn't trust him, he couldn't help her. He was the victim through and through.

"I…" Hermione didn't know what to say. Draco looked about ready to slap her silly. Hermione was overwhelmed with guilt; she hadn't realized how her silence hurt him.

"Help me" he repeated before turning from her. Draco stopped with his hand on the doorknob and spoke, but kept his back to Hermione, "So help me god, this will be the only time I'll ever walk out on you. But I just can't be here next to you…knowing that I can't help you, it kills me" his voiced waved for a moment, as did his resolve. But he left and closed the door behind him with a soft click.

Hermione placed her head in her hands and cried.

* * *

Draco stood alone in the wheat field and stared at the eerie amethyst sky before him. The moon was large and pink, barely visible behind the cherry clouds. In all his years on earth, he had never seen such a beautiful but foreboding sight. The colours melted flawlessly, from the orange line right at the horizon that dissolved into the pink. But high above the sky was already black, stars just making their appearance. 

He wanted Hermione, but if she couldn't tell him anything then he couldn't have her. He wouldn't have her. Draco didn't ask to know everything, if only she told him a single piece of information. If only she could have given him hope that someday he would know her fully. All he wanted was a morsel of hope. She wouldn't even give him that. He didn't want to get caught in the cycle.

How to stop himself from falling for her? It was impossible; he was already too far gone. He thought about her all of the time. Even though his thoughts of her were always upsetting and dark, Hermione was still on his mind. It hurt to feel so much for someone, and not receive anything in reply. Draco took her silence personally; he was no different than everyone else in her life then. Hermione had her own world and nobody was invited. Not even him.

If only he could have her vulnerable and honest. If only he could have Hermione's assurance that what he felt for her was _okay,_ that it was _right_.

The confused sky above shaped a hunger in him that broke his body with desire. He dropped down on his knees but kept his eyes above. If he couldn't have all of her, then he didn't want her at all. He didn't want a mixture of colours. He wanted Hermione, and he wanted her cohesive and reliable.

"Draco?"

He didn't reply, how would she like that?

"Okay, I guess I deserve that" Hermione whispered quietly. He couldn't tell how far she as from him. But he could smell her, so it couldn't have been that far. "I want to apologize…" she began.

Draco snorted loudly.

"I deserve that too…Draco I didn't realize how much my silence affected you. I'm sorry…but you just don't understand. And what happened back in that room was proof" she explained.

Standing slowly Draco attempted to calm himself. He turned to face her; she was a meter away "What happened back in that room was your selfishness and absolute lack of trust for me" he muttered "I'm trying Hermione, I'm putting out for you, I expect something in return. You just don't trust me".

"I trust you!" Hermione cried stepping forward. Her arms were stretched wide; she wanted him to run to her. She wanted him to see that she was wide open.

Draco stepped back cautiously, "Prove it" he asked.

"I don't know how" Hermione replied silently. She was bathed in pink light, her skin shone and all he wanted to do was run from her. She smelt of strawberries but he didn't want to smell it. Draco wanted to run. Run far away and never look back.

"Tell me everything" he demanded.

"You know I can't…"

"Then I don't want you"

"What?" Hermione asked gently, her ears had misinformed her.

"Wake up Hermione. I don't want you if I can't have all of you. Why should I destroy myself for what appears to be a lost cause. You have everything you please, but you won't have me" Draco said finally.

Hermione stood in complete shock, her mouth open and her eyes wide. Fingers trembling at her sides, the only sign of betrayal her body dared show. "Alright" she replied coolly.

"Alright" Draco said.

They remained in place, staring at one another and waiting to see who would move first. Draco's eyes were narrowed, he was furious. He couldn't believe her; he couldn't believe she would give up without a fight. He didn't matter to her. He must have not mattered to her at all if she was going to let him walk away. But if Hermione decided that she wanted him to walk, he would.

"What are you looking for?" Hermione asked. Draco didn't reply, he just continued to stare at her. "You have everything you need, you have everything you ever pleased, but you just don't have me" Hermione whispered shaking her head. She broke and turned away first, shoving her hands in her pockets and walking back up the meadow.

Draco watched her walk away sorrowfully. He shouldn't have assumed it would last. Nothing ever did. Not for him. He always asked for too much. Hermione just couldn't give him what he wanted, she couldn't feed his desire to know someone fully.

Hermione stopped walking and bit her lip. Was she going to give up? It felt like she already had. Why couldn't she just tell Draco everything? Every time she tried she seized up, her brain froze and her eyes clouded with memories. He didn't understand. He didn't know… No matter how he tried he could never understand how guilty she felt. How filthy she felt when she remembered what she had given of herself. How much she had lost, and how much she had left back where her nightmares lay. Draco did not know many times she had obliviated herself in order to overlook that short chapter of her life. He didn't understand that she took dreamless droughts nightly to avert the terrors that plagued her. Draco could never understand why she had done the things she had. No matter how much he said he cared for her…he still would not understand.

It was not her selfishness; it was not her desire to be a martyr that kept her from opening up. It was the possibility of loosing so much more if she did.

Draco wanted to share in her pain. Hermione didn't ask for that. All she wanted was someone to help her forget. And for the few precious moments she held him she did forget. All she could see was the beautiful man in front of her. She turned around and saw Draco still standing in his place, gazing into the sky above. He was beautiful.

He infuriated her with his knowhow, his wisdom made her want to rip out his throat. His touch made her want to cry with delight, and his promises light a flame in her belly that was full of love. Draco did not know everything. But he wanted to. He wanted to know it all; no matter how much it hurt. He was the selfish bastard who only thought to make it easier upon himself. All that Draco Malfoy wanted was what the rest wanted; he wanted to know her _mystery_. She was another conquest for him. Draco wanted her pain, he could have it. For she longed to rid of it.

"I FUCKED YOUR FATHER!" Hermione screamed angrily at him. Her voice broke and her throat ripped with passion. Her body heaved with the force it required to sound the words. Hermione clapped a hand over her mouth after the sound had faded; it continued to echo through the grass. The wind would blow the dirty words away eventually. But they would never be forgotten, oh no.

She heard him suck in a deep breath through his nose. His silhouette dark against the purple sky; Hermione could not even imagine what expression was on his face. She imagined she saw Draco nod before he turned away. But he turned away nonetheless and walked away from her. But this time, she could not cry.

Laughter bubbled from her lips. Tears sprang to her eyes; she was mad. Hermione was correct, but then again, Hermione Granger was _always_ correct. In this case she had desperately wanted to be wide of the mark. How beautiful it would have felt to be wrong.

Why hadn't Draco stayed like he promised? Had he not promised her that he would not think any differently of her? Had he not said he thought she was beautiful, wonderful, kind… why was he leaving her when she needed him most? He had gotten what he wanted, and now it seemed he was done with her. That was it. It seemed that Draco's promises were worth just as much as her honesty. "You're walking out on me right now" Hermione whispered to herself, hoping he could feel her words.

Tears now fell when laughter had died, but tears could do little to soften the pain. She was alone with the truth and nothing else to protect her. It taunted her with her own disillusions.

And what a pathetic truth it was. Only a morsel of the whole truth. Only a chip in her wall of rotten bricks. The bricks were loosened with four ugly words.

Hermione crumbled.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry Potter.

**A/N:**This chapter was inspired by the poem 'A Girl' by Ezra Pound. And if you readers read any of my other fics, then you are well aware that I adore Ezra Pound, and take any chance I can to quote him. And I briefly mention the idea of a 'thrall' in this chapter. I'm not sure where I read it first, but there are a few authors playing with this idea. So I won't credit it to anyone.

* * *

_**A Girl **_

_The tree has entered my hands,_

_The sap has ascended my arms,_

_The tree has grown in my breast_

_ -__Downward,_

_The branches grow out of me, like arms._

_Tree you are_

_Moss you are_

_You are violets with wind above them._

_A child - so high - you are_

_And all this is folly to the world._

_**Ezra Pound**_

_**

* * *

**_

The air was faintly dim; it had become cool and musky all at once. The wind blew as restlessly as the thoughts in Hermione's head, but smelt much sweeter.

Of orchids and sap.

Her reflections flittered about behind her eyes and proceeded out her ears.

Her heart still as a dead mouse in a morning frost, Hermione sat and picked at the grass by her side.

The blades of grass stained her fingers green. The dandelion milk smelt sweet and left her sticky, she was astutely aware of everything around her, and yet of nothing at all.

Where had Draco gone, but more importantly would he return? Did it matter? No, it mattered _how_ he would return. She had tipped the glass of milk, but not only had she spilt its contents, she had also shattered it. He was hurting. The pain had been painted across his face in fat streaks.

Oh how little he knew! How miniscule his pain was. Misery found in her little admittance. Misery more to come. He couldn't handle the prick, how on earth would Draco take the stab?

Hermione had near finished her story. There was so little to confess now. But when she finished, she would send the papers to him, regardless of whether he came back to her or not. He deserved to know. And he would be the first one she told it to.

* * *

_It was so simple. Just run in and grab it. It was so simple when he was downstairs. It was so simple, that it was dangerous. __Hermione's fingers clutched the stone wall tightly, her knuckles milky white with uneasiness. It was all there behind his door. The plans, the names, the dates…_

_She could run. She would have to. There would only be two min__u__t__e__s for her to manage to get __off the grounds. Two short minu__t__e__s for her escape in the midst of deatheaters. So she needed that information, and she needed it now. _

_If she chose to leave it, who knew how much longer she would have to act. How much longer she would have to bribe and spread about. _

_Zabini suspected. Ever since he had visited her in the dungeon, he had taken an immediate interest in her. __He wanted her, and they both knew it, just as Lucius Malfoy knew. __But he wanted her for her cunning, for her __devious __qualities. Zabini must have known just how much information Hermione had smuggled in the past week and a bit. But why did he choose to keep it a secret? Perhaps he considered her to be no threat. _

_Perhaps he chose to use it against Malfoy later so that he could claim her? _

_Hermione shuddered and leant against the wall. Malfoy was driving her slowly insane. He thought he was using her? No…silly man. Little did he know that with every nighttime visit to his room Hermione managed to gain another __morsel of info_

_With every kiss, touch, seemingly innocent enough, Hermione was pulling owls from his pockets. But his power kept him blinded__ so foolishly;__ what could a weak mudblood do to him? He assumed he had her under his thrall. Her weak demeanor, her soft touch and voice, he though she was falling for him. __He thought his kindness and attention towards her, his magic had her finally submissive. Well, Hermione was too stubborn in her hate to wither away for a man like him. His__ arrogance would only be his death. _

_Hermione flew around the corner and pushed his door open. Seconds, mere seconds. She ran to his large mahogany desk and grabbed all of the papers in her view__; the detail plans sat so innocently__. She folded them crudely and stuffed them in her cloak. Heart pounding she quickly made her exit, making sure to leave his door as she had found it. So that he would not suspect immediately. _

_Walking quickly down the halls, her shoes making soft clicking sounds, Hermione walked to where she would hide in the meantime. Glancing at her w__atch she saw she had three minu__t__e__s to get to her spot. _

_At exactly nine o'clock Malfoy would lower his wards in order to allow the deatheaters entrance for a massive meeting. At nine o'clock Hermione needed to make her escape. She needed to run__ two hundred meters in two minu__t__e__s to get past Manor grounds. Either she escaped or else she was dead. Hundreds of deatheaters, Voldemort himself would be in attendance __in a short time. If she was caught, there was no escape, and all had been in vain_

_Lucius would __not __dare__ to __tell Voldemort that Hermione had stolen the information. He would lie; he would claim he killed her. Perhaps he would attempt to convince Voldemort to change the plans. But Hermione knew Malfoy would not put himself in dange__r by admitting his foolish mistake__. While loyal to Voldemort, he was__ still__ most loyal to himself._

_Down the stairs and out the door Hermione stood outside on a small __veranda__. She looked straight ahead into the field of tree's two hundred meters away. That was her destination. __The cool wind __blew against her skin. A spring rain sent was just barely noticeable in the distance. __Rolling clouds moved across the pink sky. _

_Hermione's eyes flew back to her watch. A minute. _

* * *

People were calling one another not so far off. Nurses' yelling it was time for nightly tea. They lived in a separate world.

Hermione's mind paced. Perhaps it was better this way. To allow Draco to come to the realizations on his own. To _understand_ what she had said and not to have only heard it. It was so much more than _what_ she said. It was what her words had meant.

Never before had Hermione opened up to another person about the most troubling times in her life. And tonight she had. No matter what anger may have been raging through her words, it was simple to see that it was an offering. She had offered herself wholly to Draco with those words. And he had walked away from her outstretched arms.

Pulling herself off the grass, Hermione decided to retire to the library. She could hardly go into Draco's room now. And she refused to sleep with any other. So she would go to her books. Books rarely betrayed her.

* * *

The library was warm and empty. Hermione sat down in her favorite chair with a book and an apple. She sighed and looked at the large green ball resting in her fingers. Its weight was perfect. There was something so oddly comforting about it. Perhaps because it was the same weight of Draco's hand in her own.

She closed her eyes and imagined him before her. She could smell his sent; feel his nimble fingers along her collar bone.

Why did she act as though he had died? He was very much alive and probably no more than fifteen minuets away from her. But that inexplicable sense of loss still remained. Unshaken in its own belief.

Hermione frowned and placed her apple down on the table. She picked up the book in its place. The book was far heavier.

* * *

Draco threw the apple from one hand to the other. Enjoying the weight of it in his fingers; something about it was just right. The apple was beautiful, large and green, blemish free.

What was that silly muggle story? Eve and the apple.

He leant back against the apple tree and stared out into the field. He knew Hermione was still out there somewhere behind the stalks of wheat.

Probably on the soft grass.

Probably tearing at her hair for the things she had said.

But there was nothing he could do to help. Confusion and anger rattled his body. He could not understand how Hermione had gotten into a predicament that would have required her to sleep with his father. And that was the nagging thought.

Had it been a necessity? Was it a matter of survival, or was it something else. The idea bothered him severely. For it made him question why Hermione would have told him that. Of all of the other things she could have divulged, why did she find it necessary to share that truth? What did it mean to her? Was there something so significant about it that she felt it would destroy her?

And why had she said she 'slept' with his father? He had not raped her. So it must have been willing. The thought sickened him. The image of their bodies in his head was vile. He wanted only his hands upon her skin; only his lips were allowed to claim her own…

Did it come from her mouth only because it was connected to him? Did she suspect that that was what Draco had wanted to hear? For he had not desired to have known something of that nature. Her voice had broken, accusation rang through her tears. Hermione had been fighting back. Her words had been fighting words. She had meant to hurt him by saying it. And hurt him she had. Hermione had damned them both with those words.

He watched her shape rise from nowhere out far. She was returning inside.

Draco bit into the apple loudly; the juices ran down the sides of his mouth to his chin. He wiped it away with his hand and tore his eyes from Hermione's retreating form.

It was hard to believe that a righteous God had damned everyone just because a woman ate an apple.

* * *

She couldn't read. The same sentence had run past her eyes three times already and yet Hermione had not taken in its meaning. She wanted to desperately run to Draco, to find him and see what was wrong. But why should she have extended herself to him if he wasn't willing to return it. But she should read. But she couldn't concentrate. Bloody hell.

He had left her. It was clear. All of his talk, of how he would be there for her, how he was ready to listen, how she meant so much to him. All complete lies. He had lied to her. Why should Hermione have deluded herself? Draco was not interested in her, he only wanted to know. Well now he knew, and he could print that story whatever way he wanted. But she wouldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing it all.

Hermione threw her book angrily across the room. It hit the wall and slid down to fall open on its face. The spine now broken.

* * *

So he knew now, but what did it matter? He still didn't know everything. In fact Draco felt as though he knew Hermione even less now. Because no longer were thoughts of _what_ happened plaguing his mind, they were thoughts of _how_.

She repulsed him. There was still that issue too. Hermione disgusted him. He couldn't take her back knowing she was soiled now. He had concluded for whatever reason _it_ had happened, _it_ had at least happened willingly. She was filthy, forever tainted for giving herself up like that. And to a man like his father.

The reason did not matter. Draco had always assumed Hermione was stubborn, he had always assumed she would prefer death to ridicule and selling her body. What had caused her weakness? Perhaps he had overestimated her, what made Hermione stronger than any other girl? Why was she so special?

Oh he knew.

The fact that she had done it was what made her stronger. Rather than accept death, Hermione twisted her way out of where she was. When they had found her in that forest, bloody and torn, her shirt full of papers, nobody had bothered to ask how those papers made it there. Nobody had asked what she had done.

Hermione had come back with information that had helped them win the war. Her personal sacrifice was why they were all still alive. She was the reason for everything. She was the reason for the warmth in his chest, for the tears in his eyes, for the tremble in his hands when he saw her.

It may have taken a while. But Draco believed his mind to be at rest.

* * *

Hermione sighed and lay down on the grass. It itched and bothered her bare skin, but she ignored it. Her body felt on wire. Every single nerve cell was screaming at her. Every fingertip on fire, her body wanted her to react. But her brain could not handle it.

The library had suffocated her. It was probably the only time in her life that she found the library to be utterly boring. The walls had begun to close in on her and force her out. So Hermione had returned to her wide expanse.

And now she lay, and cried silently. Greif could find no other manifestation. So utterly hopeless, Hermione felt like she had truly lost him. What was left to her now?

She heard a soft crunching heading towards her, but she ignored it as she did the grass. Her heartbeat quickened, and her eyes fluttered. Hallucinations were nature's cruelty.

Draco sat down next to Hermione. In the dark, in the bare moonlight he could still see that she had cried. Rather, he could still feel her tears in the air.

Hermione turned to look at him. His posture was faintly insolent, his smile no longer frequent. But he was there, beside her.

"Do you hate me?" Hermione asked softly.

"No"

"Would you ever?"

"Goodness no" Draco smiled.

"Draco, I'm glad you didn't leave. I thought you would. In fact I thought you already had" Hermione said rolling to her side. She placed her hand out on the grass, his hand covered hers protectively.

"I needed to figure things out for myself, but I never intended to really leave you" he replied honestly.

"I suppose I still disgust you" Hermione sighed sadly. He probably thought her vile for what she had told him. Would his perception change when he realized why she had done it?

"No, how could you? Hermione…" he picked up her hand and gently held it in his own. Realizing the weight of her hand was reminiscent of the apple he had held earlier. It was the perfect weight. Light, but heavy enough for him to know it was there. The skin just as soft, smooth and blemish free. But in his mind flashed an image of an old hand covered in sunspots, held in his own. Elegant still, with a single gold band on the ring finger. He held that hand too.

"I don't know everything. And I never may, but what you did for me, for us all, will always matter more than what you suffered to get to there. That should only matter to you, which is your justice, not mine or anyone else's to have". His hand moved along her bare arm, softly stroking her skin, "You are a beautiful smart woman, and you did the right thing"

"Draco, you know what I was writing earlier?" she asked looking up unsurely.

He frowned at her; she looked hesitant "Yeah?"

"I'll want you to read it. When I'm done naturally, but you'll have to read it first…" Hermione said "Because I'm writing it for you"

"I'll read it, of course, is this a novel?" he asked still moving his fingers along her arm. Gently running them along her visible veins, causing the hairs to stand on end.

"It might be" Hermione smiled, thinking that it was a brilliant idea.

Draco moved his hand away from her arm and placed it in her hair. He stroked it down, smoothing the locks. Then his hands slid over her face. He wanted to memorize the moment; he wanted to memorize Hermione as she was right now. For there was a draft heading to his heart.

"Did you feel it?" Hermione asked placing her hand on his chest.

"Yeah, what do you think it was?" he asked in surprise.

"I think its life" she replied vaguely.

"Life?" he asked in confusion.

"It's my answer for what has no explanation" Hermione admitted with a laugh.

Draco's eyebrows rose in interest "Well, it sounds like a bloody good reason to me" he grinned. Hermione rose slowly to her knees. She placed her hands on his chest and stared at his face intently. How was it that he had helped her? How could it have been that this boy saved her from herself?

"What secrets do you hold Draco?" she asked gently.

"Perhaps I will write a book for you too?" he said seriously "Then you can know"

"Won't you tell me?" she asked.

"What would you like to know?"

"Did you even have to do something that you're not particularly proud of…but you did it for a good cause?" Hermione asked.

"Yeah…I left Pansy…" Draco said softly, his eyes had clouded over "During the final battle I left her to die. I loved her…she was the sister I never had. She had always been there for me, regardless of what was occurring in my life. Regardless of her devotion to Voldemort, she was still more devoted to me. She risked her life to become a spy for the Order for me. So that she could be near me…" he blinked tears away. Hermione reached up with her hands and brushed the stray tears from his cheeks, "She was cursed, bleeding, she cried for me to get her. And I wanted to. I wanted nothing more than to run to her and sweep her away to help. But I couldn't…Potter needed me. It was either help Potter kill Voldemort, or save Pansy. I sacrificed her for everyone else. Some days I still regret it. Some days I don't"

"Do you forgive yourself for her death, does it still hurt?" Hermione asked gently.

Draco looked up sorrowfully, tears still leaked from his eyes, but his voice remained even "I have now much less to care about".

Hermione leaned forward and gently kissed his lips. First his bottom lip, then his top. She kissed the trails of tears down his cheeks. She had never seen a man cry so dejectedly, it broke her heart. Draco wrapped his arms around her waist. "You know I've never told anyone that before" he whispered with closed eyes.

"I'm glad you told me" Hermione replied still kissing him gently "And I hope that someday you will have more to care about".

She moved out of his grip and lay herself down on the grass. Draco opened his eyes and smiled at her. A gentle wind blew again, shifting the few clouds in the sky further west.

He lay back as well, silently, for words were all spent now. His arm pressed against Hermione's like bricks, her head at level with his chin. He let his fingers graze her wrist gently. He was going to help her rebuild her walls.

* * *

**A/N 2: **I hope you all enjoyed this chapter even though it was short. But that was just the way it turned out. I didn't want to connect it with the next chapter, because it would have been rather vile. But...yes...I got a PM as to whether this would end happily...I have no comment. But, by the by, I suck at writing really happy endings...so...I don't know what to tell you all. We'll see eh? Perhaps it depends on how many reviews I get? 


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter. Draco's little poem is my own, so do not steal. But if you do I'll be flattered. Lol. The M rating really kicks in the next two chapters, so I hope you are ready. This is the last bit of fluff for a while.

* * *

Draco frowned at his words. That was not what he had meant to write. He had been attempting to write a truth. But only silly words escaped his quill and faltered these ephemeral thoughts. Hey, that sounded kind of appealing, '_only silly words escaped his quill and faltered these ephemeral thoughts__'_

He was no poet.

He groaned and set the quill down, turning in his chair to see the vision in his bed. Like static she flicked, for a moment she was there, another she was gone. Her hair splayed across his pillow, her sent owned all of his items. Draco cleaned away all of his papers and ink. He had decided that if Hermione could write a memoir for him, he could do the same for her. Or at least he would attempt to.

There was nothing eloquent about Draco's writing. His words fell short of what he felt; he could not write his sentiments. If it failed, at least he could tell Hermione what he confined inside with his lips and tongue.

Her words still echoed behind his eyes. Nothing was fine In fact; things were perfectly sour due to her confession. But he wouldn't lose her for such things. Not to say that these were trivial things, but perhaps pretended to be so in comparison to her desired company.

It was not for Draco to assume Hermione's involvements. Or to judge her, not until he had received the whole truth. Until then, he would have to reserve his nagging doubts and troubled thoughts. He had promised to listen to her, this was a promise that he could not take back. He was too far involved, to close to betray her now.

He cared for Hermione, perhaps more than he would ever let on. But at least he knew it to be true. Her compassion and strength emasculated and shamed him. But left him with a sense of awe.

Someday, they would be able to live peacefully with the knowledge that they had accepted their pasts. Together or apart, it did not matter, for Draco knew no matter where Hermione was he would have that little bit of her.

Draco could still not believe he had blurted his pain out so carelessly to Hermione. He had expected her to mock him, to ask if that was all. To make his pain miniscule beside hers. But she had done none of those things. She understood him and said nothing. She simply held him, which was enough.

Draco stood and walked over to the chaise. He had prepared a make-shift bed for himself upon the small couch. He sat down on it and sighed, rubbing his face tiredly.

"Come here" Hermione whispered from the bed. He looked up to see her lifting the sheet for him to climb in with her.

Her eyes were heavy lidded and sleepy, but she as awake as she had ever been. Awake to every possible notion and emotion.

Questioning naught, he entered his orchid's petals.

* * *

The morning mood was impossibly dense. There was still an air of unease surrounding both of them. No, neither had given up. But nothing was better; such matters did not simply disappear. You could not change the channel and watch a comedy. Instead, there was a battle ahead for freedom. Hermione's words could not be taken back, Draco's actions could not be excused, there was only forward at this point.

Hermione ate her muffin and Draco chewed his apple in thoughtful silence. "I have to go for a session" Hermione said standing and leaving her half eaten muffin on her plate.

"I thought you didn't get one for another three days?" Draco asked in confusion, his mouth hanging open and apple juice threatening to spill from his lips.

"Yes, but that one is done by a specialist. This is just another simple session with my favorite healer" Hermione sighed rolling her eyes. Her fingers touched his chin and pushed his mouth closed.

Draco nodded in understanding, "I guess I'll see you later" he said gently removing her fingers from her face.

Hermione nodded awkwardly. She wanted to kiss him, but she didn't think it was such a good idea at the moment. So she placed her hand reassuringly on his head, letting her fingers smooth his fine blonde hair. "Yeah"

* * *

The walk to Healer Roberts office was long and languid. Hermione's unfocused many times before she reached his door. She simply did not have it in her for this meeting. There was no fight left, for what was there to fight about? She knocked on the door lightly.

"Enter"

"Hello" Hermione said lamely as she entered and closed the door behind her.

Dr. Roberts looked confused at her unusual attitude. Usually she entered the room cursing her lips off and cheeks blazing with an untamable fire. Today, she was insipid, inside and out. She sat heavily in the chair across from his desk and her eyes fell to the floor.

"How are you this morning?" he asked leaning closer to her. He was truly confused by the sight before his eyes, what had changed in a mere day and a half?

"Fine" Hermione replied shortly.

"Fine?" he asked in bewilderment.

"Where's your clipboard?" Hermione asked drowsily. Failing profusely at an attempt to change the subject. His magic clipboard copied down all of Hermione words so that he could later analyze them, or rather attempt to sell them to papers.

"I've decided to give it a break, I though we could simply talk today. Just you and I, none of that pressure from the committee to figure things out" he replied honestly.

Hermione nodded, "What do you want to start with?"

"Perhaps with why you look and sound so morose this morning" Roberts said leaning back in his chair. He crossed his arms over his chest and frowned deeply.

"I told the truth" Hermione said tersely.

Roberts sat up quickly in surprise. A breakthrough, "Who did you tell?" he asked anxiously.

"Draco Malfoy" Hermione said softly, still in disbelief herself. The words sounded foreign on her tongue, "I told Draco Malfoy some of the truth"

"Only some?" Roberts asked.

"Yeah, accidentally. It was such a bombshell, but the words slipped past my lips before I could censor them. I hurt us both by doing it, but I can't imagine what would have happened if I had said nothing. I'm writing him a memoir, so he can read about everything if he chooses to" Hermione smiled despite herself. It sounded so silly to write everything when she could tell him. But she had to remind herself, that Hermione was writing her story for herself first, and for him second.

"That sounds like a wonderful idea Hermione. I'm sure he will appreciate it, as will you. And I'm glad you're being so honest with me" he said sincerely. All he hoped for was her recovery and exit from the dreadful place the hospice had become. And she was finally making progress, no thanks to him, but progress nonetheless. He wondered why Draco Malfoy was so important to her. And what truth could she have told him that would hurt them both?

Hermione shrugged, "I figured why not? I really don't have much more to lose, do I?" she asked sadly.

"Hermione, what have you lost?" Roberts asked shaking his head.

"I've lost friends over the whole ordeal. And not because of the things I've done or said. But because of the things they haven't done or said" she said evenly.

Roberts shook his head "They will come around; you have nothing to lose, but everything to gain. You will get your life back; these memories will release you when you hand them to someone else. And it seems Mr. Malfoy is an important person in your life" Roberts said knowledgably.

Boy, he didn't know the half of it. Hermione nodded silently. She pursed her lips and considered what the healer had said. Draco Malfoy was an important person in her life. He was the only person who pushed her to come to a conclusion for her own good. Where as others had simply terrorized her for their own gain, Draco had nothing to gain by pissing her off. He did it for her; such an act of selfishness from him was startling. She smiled to herself just thinking about him.

She cared about him. Perhaps more than she would ever let on. No other person had ever been so kind to her. He was hurting her for her own good. He was willing to let her go in order for her to realize herself. Hermione could have lost Draco last night, and they both knew it. But they remained. If he could deal with the first hurdle to come his way, he would be able to handle the rest.

* * *

_Hermione ran. No. She sprinted as she had never before in her life. She dared not look at her watch for fear of loosing time or papers. She could hear cracks come about from all over, most came from the front of the Manor. __Blurs of figures swam past her._

_She lost no time, hurdling herself through the passage of tree's Hermione dared not stop. Instead she ran for as long as she could manage. The branches tearing at her, attempting to slow her down, the darkness closed in the view around her. Hermione finally stopped and fell upon a tree stump. She had run straight for fifteen minuets. She could not see the Manor lights through the trees. She must have been far enough. _

_Gasping loudly, Hermione clutched her stomach. Cramps, her legs had cramped as well. This was the most exercise she had received in weeks. She gently stretched her legs but the pain would not subside. And what now? Where to go now? _

_She had run straight, so she was north…north of what? Malfoy Manor was unplottable. How on earth was she to know where she was…Kensington? Malfoy had talked of__ Kensington being the closest place for militia. _

_But where was Malfoy Manor in regards to Kensington? Hermione groaned loudly and placed her head in her hands. She had had so little time to plan. And there were no maps about Malfoy Manor. So she had no idea where she was. If it wasn't for the dismal weather, she would have questioned if she was in England or not. _

_And so it began to rain. _

_Hermione packed it all back up into her chest and hauled ass. She simply began walking north. She would have to hit something eventually, preferably sooner than later. _

_Back at the Manor, Lucius Malfoy was cracking._

* * *

Hermione placed away this sheet of paper too. Knowing that the last chapter would be the worst. The horrors she had live up until her escape were nothing compared to what came next, and the gravity of what she had actually done.

She wiped her eyes and leaned back in Draco's chair. He was doing his own little therapy meeting. Just three days, then she would be out. It seemed weird to even consider being else where from this place. This had basically been her home since the end of the war. Hermione assumed she would remain living with her parents until she received her Hogwarts credentials. She had never completed her seventh year, none of them had. So they would all be returning to do so. Then she could consider finding a place to live, a job…there was so much to consider.

Her eyes roamed over Draco's immaculate desk. He could have rivaled her for unhealthy neatness. She began to shift through his papers. It was wrong, and incredibly selfish of her, but Hermione could not stop herself. Most of his parchment was blank; others had little odd scribbles that she could not read. Letters, healers notes, government documents…

Her fingers ran across a used parchment, it was very long. She picked it up; it seemed to be a poem or something, untitled.

The door opened.

Hermione dropped the paper guiltily on to the desk. Reprimanding herself for even looking through his things.

"Hey" Draco said entering his room. He saw her staring at his desk and he followed her gaze to the paper. "Did you read it?" he asked nervously. He didn't really want her to see something so ugly and foolish, what would she think of him?

Hermione shook her head, "To be honest, I was planning to" she whispered in embarrassment. How shameful, going through his things. She had no right to.

"Don't worry about it, it just peaked your interest, besides I don't really need to hide this from you; it's important. Here" he said handing her the parchment back. He was frowning and biting his lower lip.

Her trembling fingers gripped it. He was giving her something important to him. Hermione folded the paper carefully. She would read it later. "Thank you" she smiled warmly.

Draco bent down and kissed her softly, his fingers on her jaw, "I can't express myself like you do, but I hope you appreciate it nonetheless"

"I will" Hermione grinned. The parchment was burning holes in her fingers. Causing her heart to beat erratically with excitement. It felt as though he had proposed.

"Let's get tea" Draco smiled brightly, easing the tension that had plagued them all morning. Hermione cracked into a wide smile herself, she took his hand and stuffed the parchment in her pocket.

"Lets" she agreed.

* * *

They sat on the veranda in the late evening, both holding their tea cups. Hermione was drinking earl gray, Draco's was peppermint. These silly thoughts ran through her mind. It was calming, it seemed right to only be thinking of stupid things. It left her relieved to let the darker thoughts remain behind.

All that was on Hermione's mind was the sent of sweet tea, Draco's cologne and the chirping of the birds all about them. The people talking about them set a wonderful hum in the background. This was the moment Hermione wanted to live fifty years from now.

To be sitting on a veranda, with tea in her hands and Draco beside her.

So she liked him more than she let on. Actually it was rather frightening how much she adored him. What courage, to call her out, and then to take her back. What kindness, compassion, even love she felt from him. But love was far off.

They had known each other but for a mere day.

Years had passed where they shared company, but Hermione had only learnt who the man beside her was yesterday. She had seen the torn soul that tormented himself for the death of a loved one; she had seen someone with bravery, and unfathomable heart.

* * *

_Hermione__ leant against another tree. There were even greater pains plaguing her body now. It was dark; she could barely see her fingers in front of her eyes__ and rain poured down her body__T__he sounds of the woods were causing her heart to skip beats. _

_Still she continued, walking slowly, attempting to keep herself in a straight line. Wishing it was light, wishing she had her wand. _

_Snaps sounded about her. Hermione stopped and held her breath. She could not hear anything about her; the pounding in her chest had caused her ears to pop with the pressure. __She could not hear anything but the gentle patter of rain upon leaves. __If she was to die right now at the hands of a wolf, that would have been irony. __But those snaps had sounded far more like apparition snaps. No, she was being paranoid. _

_The sound __never returned__ and Hermione continued carefully, trying to make as little noise as she could. _

_Morning rose to find her slumped against a fallen tree. Upon opening her eyes Hermione realized she still did not know where she was. It all looked impossibly similar to when she had begun walking last night, trees and trees. What forest was this? Hermione picked herself up. __Her clothing wet and muddy, her body starving for water and food. _

_Moving along Hermione made sure the papers were dry. It seemed they had been charmed to remain clean. She picked berries along her way. There had to be something ahead. There had to something, anything soon! For fatigue was setting in, and a flu was closing in about her. _

_Snap. _

_Hermione looked under her foot. No branch to be seen. _

* * *

"Draco, will you laugh at me if I'm honest about something?" Hermione asked loosely.

Draco frowned deeply at her, "Well that was odd phrasing. No, I would never laugh at you for being honest with me" but he sensed that this was different; there was something Hermione actually wanted to say regarding him. Why else would she suspect him of laughing?

"I…" Hermione stopped here and grimaced "perhaps this isn't the time or place"

"Alright" Draco replied sipping his tea.

"What? That's it? You're not going to force it out of me?" Hermione asked in surprise.

"Well…the consequences of that last time were not so pretty, so I figure if what you have to say is important. You will eventually tell me" he shrugged.

Hermione nodded. He was wiser than he let on. But she had hoped he would force it out of her. It was not the kind of thing she could say on her own. Without clarification of his desire to hear it, or the acknowledgment that it was real.

"Do you love me?" he asked with a smile.

Hermione choked on her tea. "What?" she asked setting down her cup and wiping her dripping chin. That was not what she had been wanting to say, but it was something in the back of her mind.

"I asked if you loved me."

Hermione didn't reply.

"Should I take your silence as a timid yes, or a definite no?" he grinned.

Hermione glared at him "I don't just _tell_ people I love them" she replied haughtily.

"No, that would be wrong, you have to actually mean it" Draco agreed with a nod.

"You have to know somebody very well, and for a very long time before you can come to love them" Hermione said wisely.

"I guess you don't believe in love at first sight" Draco asked casually.

"Why? Did you love me at first sight?" she teased.

"No, you were small, bushy, with large teeth. Not very lovable. And who says I loved you?" he teased in return.

"Oh nobody" Hermione replied somewhat sourly. What? Had she expected him to love her? No, she really hadn't. But she entertained the notion before sleep. Imagining what it would be to love and marry Draco, to have his children… "That would mean you'd have to be capable of love" Hermione smiled.

Draco laughed. "Fighting words there Granger. Fighting words. Let's say, if I hypothetically came to love you, after many more years of knowing you. Would you be able to return the affection?" he asked. The laugh had been lost in his question. It was a serious inquiry.

"Depends on when you come to love me. If I'm married with children, I'm afraid the affections will be sent back unopened" she replied honestly. Hermione's eyes averted his gaze; the topic was making her uncomfortable.

"And I can't love you now, because you don't know me very well" he clarified with a raised brow.

"Right" Hermione said.

"So technically, you won't fall in love with someone unless you have known them for eight years?" he asked.

"Why eight years?" Hermione frowned.

Draco shrugged.

She laughed, "Oh, I see what you are getting at. Stop toying with me Draco"

"I'm not toying with you at all" he replied seriously.

"Yes you are" Hermione replied coldly.

"Not at all"

"Then say it"

"Say what?"

"If you are not playing with me, say what you mean Draco"

"I don't think I can" he said sadly.

"Why not?" Hermione asked angrily, her teacup trembling on its saucer. Why was he leading her on, and then dropping her so coldly. It was confusing trying to understand what all of his hidden phrases meant.

"Because, I'm afraid my sentiments would be sent back to me unopened" he frowned sorrowfully, spitting her own words back at her.

Hermione felt as though someone had drenched her in cold water. Eight years, did he know her so well already?

"Eight years eh? Do you reckon that's enough to love?" she asked casually. Inside her heart was beating quickly, her palms sweating. There was an epic moment coming ahead.

"I think it's the beginnings of love" Draco amended.

"So…this, is the beginning of love?" Hermione asked with a sigh, dropping the hidden meanings and going straight for the meat.

"Yes"

"Well, I do hope this is the last time I ever have to fall in love, for it's quite a painful experience" she said lightly; lighter than she had intended.

"Men always hope to be a woman's first love, women always aim to be a man's last love" Draco quoted with a wry smile.

"Wilde" Hermione smiled "Too true".

"So I think I might love you" Draco said nonchalantly, he drank the rest of his tea in a single gulp. Hermione could see that the words meant more than how easily they had come out. He was practically quivering in his seat.

"I think I might love you too, but how do I know?" Hermione frowned. She worried that the conversation was far to light for such a heavy topic. It almost felt like a twisted comedy. Wasn't love supposed to be heartache, passion, wasn't it supposed to fling itself upon you unexpectedly? Sure there had been much heartache, very little passion, and oddly enough, this was not as large of a surprise as Hermione expected. Perhaps because she had been expecting it. Granted, Hermione hadn't been seeing this talk for quite a while more, but she knew it was to come eventually.

"Well, I suppose if we manage to survive each other's faults, hatreds, the fights that are sure to come, then we'll know it's love" Draco said thoughtfully.

"For now though?" Hermione said unsurely.

"Let's just say, right now our love is a noun, eventually it will be a verb" he explained grammatically. Hermione was impressed with his knowledge of grammar.

"You want our love to be an action?" she said, her lips tugging into a laugh.

"Yes, I want you to show me love, it is my demand" he said seriously, his face was as straight as death. "If you cannot show love everyday, in touch, words, simple actions, then it is not love. I should know you love me, simply by the way you pour my tea"

"Alright" Hermione said with a chuckle "I think I will read your poem now, and then I will turn my love into a verb" she said rolling her eyes. Hermione pulled the parchment out of her pocket, Draco watched her carefully all the while.

"Now take in mind, it's just something I scribbled down, it's not very good… don't be mad if it is horrid…"

"Draco, stop prattling and let me read" Hermione said reproachfully. His mouth shut tightly. He watched her unfold it and begin to read.

As she read the words he wrote, he could not speak.

She must have read it twice for it was a very short poem. Hermione looked up at him with an indiscernible look upon her face. "Oh Draco" she whispered looking back at the parchment "It's beautiful" he heard the splatter of tears upon paper.

"It is about you, so are you just being vain?" he asked lightly pushing her shoulder.

Hermione ignored his comment; she was reading the text again. "Do I really play with your heart that much?" she asked sadly.

"Everyday" he admitted "The first time you stepped on my heart was last year, when we were staking out Richards. It was dark, and you were complaining how you hadn't been kissed in ages. And I was trying to kiss you, but you turned away" he admitted.

Hermione looked like she was trying to remember the incident, "I'm sorry Draco, I had no idea. I thought you were simply teasing me again" she said in true apology.

"But everyday, you dance upon my heart. Play with me, and you have no idea. I know it's not fair to blame you, for you didn't know. But…last night, you tore me apart. And yet, even though I feel stretched to my limits, I feel so much better than I ever have before. It's weird Hermione. But I told you before, and you have to understand. Me seeing you everyday, and thinking about you when you're not around and especially being able to come back to you after what you told me…there's only one explanation for it. I care for you more than I care for your mistakes. And I think that it love. Being able to overlook the things that hurt you so deeply, only so you can see what lights your life" Draco explained looking down into his lap.

Hermione grabbed his face; she lifted and kissed him soundly on the mouth. "If you love me, I promise I'll love you…no matter how long it takes to get there, I'll be with you" she promised.

Draco laughed shakily, "I know. I know Hermione, and I believe you"

* * *

_Untitled (Hermione)_

_"__Her ivory fingers, sat on ivory knees, and drifted in a fitful fantasy._

_And s__o sinks the summer day, where colours change like __lovers__ wordplay._

_Petals fall upon a scorched ground, all the discontentment they surround;_

_Rounded girdle and bright-eyed tall stem__, an orchid sits beside me, _

_Does the nightingale die, for a lover's fleeting fancy?_

_Does love, and loves further lost,_

_Cover boughs with a timid frost?_

_The petals fall, for the cold, ruins their sweet gilded gold. _

_Only silly words escape __the quill and falter __these ephemeral thoughts,_

_The poison ink, the shattered vows, how the wicked parchment rots._

_Allow your pretty ivory hands, which sit on a pretty ivory heart, _

_And dance upon it, lightly splayed and apart. _

_But for a flicker, _

_To sit still,_

_And warm the coming chill."_


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Harry Potter.

**A/N:**The story is rated M for certain reasons. If you are queasy, don't like violence or explicate sexual language, you should not be reading this. Just don't read and then complain, I don't want to hear it. There is your warning, now proceed at your own discretion, and enjoy! But don't worry, I'm a flowery writer, whatever I do write, it won't be scarring.

P.S: I'm super worried about this chapter, because a lot happens. And I'm not the best writer of lovey-dovey scenes...so reviews would be nice and helpful!

* * *

_Hermione stopped breathing. She was standing a silent as a mouse, her one foot in the air, her body wavering, ears __aching to listen_

_"You'll fall over __standing __like that" _

_She could have sobbed, cried out to the heavens for mercy, but she did neither. Instead she placed her foot down on the ground and turned around to face him__ slowly_

_Blaise Zabini was a meter away from her, looking worse for wear himself. __His clothing and hair matted and wet, his lip split and cheek cut. He was thoroughly beaten, most likely by his own kind. __He was waiting silently, waiting for her to speak._

_Hermione had nothing to say. What could __she __say in this moment? She had lost her only chance for freedom and she would surely be dead in a few minuets now. It was all surreal, like a bizarre dream. __Hard to believe she would not wake in her soft warm bed in Order headquarters, crying __about__ her nightmare.__ Only to be comforted by her friends, and called silly for dreaming such things. She pinched her thigh hard and winced. This was no dream._

_"Lucius is tearing his hair out over you. I'm sure once you are retrieved he'll dispose of you so he needn't worry anymore" Zabini said calmly, leaning against a damp tree. __Managing to look casually rich even in his disheveled state._

_"Do you plan to retrieve me?" Hermione asked warily__ stepping back_

_Zabini grinned; Hermione could see some of his teeth were chipped, "Yes"_

_"Do you think they'll forgive you for whatever it is you've done should __you __return with me__, I won't be your peace offering__" Hermione __said__ coldly "Because I'm sure they'll dispose of us both__ should you force me back__. Deatheaters don't forgive"_

_His face hardened, "No, they will forgive me, and praise me too for returning with you" he insisted__ in delusional_

_"Yes, because I'm so difficult to find. A tired, hungry girl, wandless in a forest with no sense of direction" Hermione scoffed, sounding much braver than she felt "__It must be some feat to find me, only a might god like you could do it. And to capture me too…to overtake me, little me without a wand. __But you are wandless too, are you not?" _

_His eyes narrowed__ angrily and his lips thinned__, "They took your wand? How on earth did you find me then?" Hermione laughed__ at his expression. She was insane. But how worse could the situation get, it was already __deadly;__ at least she would not go quietly_

_"I followed your trail of destruction. It was easy enough to see where you went__, you trample like a giant__" he admitted __composedly_

_"How do you plan to overtake me without your wand?" she smirked. _

_"With__ brute__ force" he replied. _

_Hermione turned and ran, never looking back. She crashed through the trees aimlessly. God how stupid she was! There was not a chance she could outrun him. __Why had she even begun to run? Fear, fear had gripped her and caused her to run. If__ she stopped she would be dead. She kept flying past the trees noisily, unable to hear his steps, muffled by the crunching of leaves__ under her feet_

_In a split second Hermione found herself on the ground, eating dirt__, her chin forcefully slamming into the ground__. She screamed loudly and tried to wiggle out of his grasp. But Zabini had sat himself firmly on her back. He pulled her over roughly, slamming the back of her head on the hard forest ground. Lights swam past her eyes. _

_He was laughing softly, breathlessly, as he clutched the front of her robes and throttled her head. Hermione fingers were reaching to claw at him. He was immune to her petty efforts. _

_"You're dead Granger" he whispered leaning down to her face. _

_"No" Hermione whispered shaking her head. _

_"Yes, you are dead. It is a shame, I wanted you for myself, and you always looked like a good fuck…pity" he rolled off his tongue. Teasing and taunting her to make her end all the more sweet for him. Hermione was crying and avoiding his eyes, she couldn't do this. If he was going to kill her, let him do it now, without hesitation. _

_"Pity, pity, shame…" he breathed against her face as his lips ran along her jaw line. Hermione cried out and pushed against him. She was finding it all futile. Her attempts were weak, her strength faded. "Come now Granger, maybe if you concede, you might have a chance at staying alive" he __mocked__ kissing her neck. His body slid down along hers until he was lying flat against her. His weight was pressing heavily upon her chest and abdomen, leaving her with short gasps__ of air_

_His hands grabbed her own and pulled them over her head. Hermione thrashed under him again, "Let go!" she cried__ trying to buck him off_

_Her head went to the side, hitting the__ dirt__ ground. A shock reverberated through her jaw and to her head. Her eyes watered. Hermione continued to struggle__ frantically_

_Another sharp flash across her face, this time to the other side. Hermione shrieked as she felt something doubly hard hit her temple. A warm trickle ran past her eyebrow. She was gasping in desperation now…her sanity and consciousness fading. _

_"I-_

_Hate-_

_You._

_You are the-_

_Reason-_

_I was-_

_Punished"_

_Almost every word was inflected with a sharp snap of the hand. Hermione could feel her neck straining from side to side, her jaw loosening. Blood poured from her lips and into her eyes. She choked silently, "Stupid bitch, more trouble than you are worth" he muttered wrapping his fingers around her neck. Roughly kneading.__ Not intent upon killing her just yet._

_The weight suddenly left her body. __Hermione's head was whirling, she lifted her head in an attempt to stand, but could not muster the strength to go any further, she fell back down. __She could smell the blood, nay, she could taste it. Her whole face felt loose, her jaw and teeth felt as though ready to fall apart. _

_She rolled to her side and coughed out the blood. _

_"Good, make it easier for me" Zabini wheezed. _

_He kicked her hard. Hermione groaned and curled up, placing her hands on her stomach. He kicked her again, this time she sobbed loudly, feeling her fingers snap with the contact of his boot__, stupid of her. She could not protect herself from him, not while he was standing over her__Why her? What had she done that had been so wrong? Was it worth the pain to be good? Was her death going to mean anything to anyone?_

_Zabini crouched down by her again, "Maybe now you won't protest" he chuckled. He turned her over onto her back. _

_Hermione's eyes were closing, she knew if they __shut__, they would not open. So she willed herself to look straight into his face. Zabini's eyes fell across her body, his hands roamed under her cloak. __He began to rip and tear at her clothing. Hermione gasping in pain as her body shook and her ribs rattled. _

_She must have been shattered all over, her whole body felt like a pile of loosely tied sticks. There was no greater shame for her; this surpassed even sleeping with Malfoy. At least that had been done in her own control, in her own plan to survive. This was blatant loss of self; she was being stripped of her human title. _

_His wet lips covered her whole body, roaming and wheezing. __Hermione could not move, her broken fingers trembled at her sides, every breath felt like a stab._

_"I'm going to break you, just like they broke me" Zabini promised grabbing her hair "I'm going to break your hips and legs and arms, and then drag you back like a bag of rocks, to throw you down naked before them" _

_Hermione rasped, she wanted to curse him, to say anything. But found she was completely unable. Was this death? To feel immense pain and then numb? Her mouth opened in silent agony as his hands pressed against her bare chest, her ribs creaked._

_She felt his hands tear at her skirt. "Don't die just yet Granger, I want you to be conscious when I fuck you" he groaned undoing his own buttons. Hermione could barely hear him; she could barely __comprehend what words were leaving his mouth. It was all distorted and sounded as though it was coming from a distance. _

_"What the fuck?" __Zabini__ whispered __his eyes rising to look her straight in the __eye. _

_Hermione's breath hitched._

* * *

Hermione placed the final chapter away with the rest. She would rewrite everything nicely, bind it and present it to Draco. She wiped the tears from her eyes. The pain, still so fresh in her mind, arose feelings of ugliness again. She could feel the mistakes on her body, the crude discoloration, the lines that tore her apart, they invaded her mind. 

She could still feel aches in her jaw when the weather was cold outside. Magic could not fix everything unfortunately. Her fingers ran across her lips, her tongue over her teeth. If she had not woken with the injuries, Hermione would have put it all down to a bad dream. It was just so impossible.

Naivety and her goodness left her in a sense of wide shock for weeks afterwards. Shock for what had been done to her, and shock of what she had lost. It was still so hard to believe, so painful to even consider what she had survived, and what he had not.

The papers all carefully folded and placed in her bag seemed to lift her. It happened, and now there was proof. She could no longer deny these things, they were true, good or bad they represent who she was now.

Her arms rose over her head in a languid but satisfied stretch. She stood to leave the desk and join Draco at the small pond. He had left early in the afternoon, knowing she needed time to work on her own. He left to do some laps, but he must have tired by swimming now for it was near eight. She grabbed her towel and wand off his bed and exited the room.

* * *

Hermione pushed through the blackberry bush, her cloths staining yet again. In her arms was a bundle of food wrapped in paper napkins. She saw him sitting on the edge of the small dock. The same place where she had sat before. "Hey" she said softly seating herself beside him. 

His bare skin broke out in goosebumps, his hairs stood on edge as her arm brushed his. "Hey" he smiled looking over, and not a moment later his stomach grumbled. "Oh thank god" he groaned, "You brought food"

"Who said it was for you?" Hermione asked with raised brows.

Draco looked shocked, "Well, if you are not going to share, you can just leave" he replied.

"I was just joking" Hermione said handing him a wrapped burger.

"So was I" he admitted taking it from her, "I don't care if you came with a gigolo strapped to your back and warts on your face, I still wouldn't want you to leave"

"Gigolo? In what sense of the term?" Hermione laughed.

Draco's eyebrows rose suggestively and that was enough indication for her. "All right, do you really think so little of me? I can assure you that payment is not necessary for me to get sexual favors" she said heatedly.

"Oh I believe you" Draco nodded unwrapping his food.

Hermione gave him a quizzical glance. "I simply mean that…I'm ready to tear your cloths off with my teeth, I don't think you would have trouble finding a willing partner" he expanded.

"You really want to tear off my cloths with your teeth?" Hermione asked in surprise.

Draco looked down into his lap and took a bite of his burger so he would not have to speak. Hermione waited patiently for him to chew and swallow, "Well?" she asked. He looked nervous.

"Yeah" he replied quickly before taking another bite.

Hermione decided to leave it at that. She could see a blush creep along his chest, up his neck, and to his cheeks and ears. He was being honest, and he was regretting it now. She felt oddly flattered though. As crudely sexual as it was, it meant something to her that someone still found her attractive. Hermione didn't think she was terribly ugly, she felt pretty most days…but it was her past that made her ugly. It was the things that had happened that repulsed people, not her face.

So her heart settled contently in her chest at the thought of Draco still finding her attractive. After all, it had been his father she had screwed to remain alive, not some random man. It had been his…

She bit into her own food and chewed thoughtfully.

They sat and watched the sun begin to sink, contemplating their future.

Hermione vanished the trash and got off the deck, "My but is starting to hurt sitting on this wood" she frowned.

"Let's move to the grass" Draco said standing along with her.

They settled in the lush grass, right under the apple tree. She lying on her back and Draco on his side, so that he could better see her.

Hermione closed her eyes as Draco drew small circles on her abdomen, touching the small belt of flesh between her shirt and shorts. She sighed deeply and tried hard to concentrate on his phantom touch. His hand rose slowly, bringing her shirt up over her belly button. His whole hand lay flat on her stomach, causing a flutter beneath his fingers.

Those same fingers curled along the side, gently holding the dip right before her hip, keeping her fragile limbs pasted together.

His hand rose further, expanding across her ribs and skimming the bottom her bathing suit. His fingers then touched the soft cotton fabric of her top and she gasped softly. "Open your eyes Hermione" he whispered.

Her eyes fluttered open; they were dark and full of emotion. He bent down and kissed her gently, keeping his hand on her chest, right between the valley of her breasts. His lips gently, deftly, spoke against her own words that she could never have imagined.

His body swung smoothly over hers, Draco kept himself propped up on his left elbow and let his right hand slide down the curve of her body again. Past her breast, over her ribs, down her curved stomach to her hip. Memorizing the dips and mounds all the while.

He sat up and tugged on her shirt. Hermione rose and allowed him to remove it. He was smiling brightly, "Hello sunshine…" he began to sing.

Hermione laughed softly and pulled him back down on her. "You silly minger" she smiled.

"I thought only women could be mingers?" Draco asked slyly.

"Exactly" Hermione grinned.

Draco laughed gently, "Don't make me show you just how womanly I am" he threatened.

"Prove me wrong" Hermione said.

He captured her lips in another deep kiss.

"Wait" Hermione sighed pushing him away.

"What's wrong?" Draco asked seriously.

Her eyes were full of worry, "I…I don't want you to do something you might regret. As much as I want to…I don't want to be selfish. I don't want you to go so far with me without knowing me…what if what you learn later will make you regret this right now?" she asked.

Draco shook his head, "Hermione, nothing could make me regret being with you in any way. I know you. I know you are strong, brave, stubborn, brilliant and beautiful; I don't need to know your flaws to appreciate you. In the end, your flaws are not important, how you overcame them is what matters" he promised running his fingers across her face.

She nodded silently, relieved with his kind words. She pulled him back down on her. The contact of his bare flesh against hers sent her body reeling with sensation. Hermione shuddered and wrapped her arms around his waist tenderly.

Draco's lips brushed along her neck, tasting her, learning her. There was nothing that could part him from this girl. His feelings for her had changed drastically many times, from hate, to respect, to intrigue, to awkwardness…back to disgust…and now adoration. It was confusing, but right.

He undid her top, pulling the small piece of fabric away. Hermione had stopped breathing; her eyes were only upon his. His eyes were only upon her body, which would soon be his. He gently touched her breast to evoke reaction, Hermione sucked in air through her teeth.

He smiled.

She smiled back.

Things began to blur. Hermione was vaguely aware of his murmuring, the feel of his lips on her breasts, the deep flower smell in the air, the deep blue sky above. It felt like an opiate dream, if she closed her eyes it would all be imaginary.

Draco was shaking like a leaf. He had never touched a woman like this. Granted he had not really touched very many women in his short life. But never had he been so scared to lay a hand on a girl. He was so aware, and so astute about Hermione's reactions. The way she whimpered when he licked her, the way she laughed when his breath rolled across her abdomen. He wanted nothing more than to please her. To make her stomach rumble with mirth and eyes light with joy.

He found himself turning over, and now Hermione sat on his stomach. It was so bizarre. Everything felt light and gentle. Everything seemed so natural, like it had occurred before. There was no apprehension, there was no shame. She began to kiss his chest, her fingers expertly running across his nipples. Draco bit down on his lip and focused on the feel and the sounds surrounding him. He could hear her hair as it brushed against his chest, he could feel her eyes burning against his face.

A gasp elicited from his lips as he felt her hand right between his legs. Just patiently sitting and waiting there, her fingers twirling over the fabric. Draco busied himself with undoing the button and zipper on her shorts. Hermione shimmied them off and they were put aside with her shirt.

The little bows on either of her hips were loosely done. Draco wanted nothing more than to pull on them and rid her of the bathing suit. He reached forward and pulled on one bow. It unfastened, he pulled on the other and the whole thing fell apart. Ingenious for easy access.

He turned them over again. Hermione pulled down his swimming trunks. They lay against one another for a minute, just allowing the reality to sink in. This was not a dream, it was all very real, and it all became so much more extraordinary.

Hermione's finger ran over his throbbing member, a look of interest on her face all the while that drove Draco crazy. He removed her hand and put it to her side.

"Ready?" he asked with a twitchy smile.

Hermione nodded surely. Draco pushed into her, keeping her gaze on his. She was neither shocked nor hurt by his movement, but she seemed to be in a state of fantasy.

Hermione was finding it hard to believe that she was in the situation she was in now. But for the first time in her life, this was an unexpected situation she did not wish to get out of. She gasped as Draco pressed into her fully. There was a pressure in her abdomen that felt just right. Something so simple and comforting about the sensation. Like puzzle pieces fitting. She may have been reading too far into it, but at the moment it didn't matter what she thought. It matter what she felt, and it felt right.

They continued to move in rhythm, gaining speed, the sound of their breathing synchronized. Hermione could feel a sensation swell in her like a wave. It covered her whole body in a sweat and caused her mind to spin. She trembled beneath him.

Draco continued to thrust into her steadily. His eyes only following the expressions of rapture on her face. He could not help but smile foolishly to know it was he who was causing her this bliss. That was all he wanted, for him to cause her pleasure, for her to look only to him for pleasure and comfort. Tenseness grew in his lower regions, his skin breaking out in goosebumps.

There was a trust and a pause, followed by a loud shudder. Hermione gasped as her body heated and then cooled rapidly with Draco's release. He fell against her, his head coming to rest on her chest.

They had had sex, nay, they had _made love_. And it was wonderful, her body still ached with the sensations his touch aroused.

Draco rolled to his side and pulled Hermione with him. He had made love to her. It was love…or some form of it, he felt. For there had never been such a sweet moment in his life as this one. He watched her cheeks redden again, and she placed a hand on his chest. She felt it as well as he did.

"I love you" Draco said earnestly, his fingers combed through her damp hair.

Hermione looked up at him, "Why?" she asked with a grin.

"I love you, because you love me" Draco whispered.

"You know me too well. But did you know that love can break?" Hermione asked with a sad smile.

"Oh Hermione, love is tough yet fragile, it can still be broken, no denying that. To love is to understand this. But to truly be in love is to respect this" he explained.

"You respect it?" Hermione asked.

"I do, and you?" Draco implored.

"I do, I understand that it can happen, and I respect that if heartbreak is a possibility, then the love is true. Only real love can be broken…" she smiled wistfully laying again on her back. Draco rested his head on her chest once more, eager to listen to the rapid beats of her heart.

Hermione's fingers crawled through his hair adroitly, her eyes fixed on the dark sky. She felt the sweat at his temples, the heat of his forehead translating to her fingertips. His breath rustling against her breasts like taffeta curtains against a parquet floor. His broken pants like percolating coffee…

"Hermione" he placed his hand on her hip and rose to look her in the eye "Please don't break my heart, because I don't think I'll ever love again".


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry Potter

**A/N: **Super short chapter. With a cliffhanger too. I just didn't want to overload you guys with too much info. I want you to wrap your heads around this chapter before I say anything else. Because as short as this chapter is, it's not a filler. There are a lot of clues in here for later occurrences…

* * *

When Hermione woke the next morning, Draco was no longer next to her in bed. In fact, he was absent of the room altogether. She rose slowly and looked about. Everything was packed, her suitcases stood neatly by the door, waiting to go. She was leaving, finally. Harry would be coming for her in less than an hour and she was out, gone to the outside world. It was exciting and terrifying. There was so much to be done once she got out. Her whole life to be planned and arranged…

There had been an owl on Draco's desk when they had returned last night. Apparently the hospital had not been able to book the specialist healer and had wanted Hermione to remain for another week. Harry blew a fit at the ministry, threatened to sue, and now she was free to go. The thought of having to spend another week in the place left Hermione with shivers.

Draco was wonderful, and she adored him. But to stay here would not be worth it, not even for him. And…where was he? Had he gone to breakfast? Not without her. Perhaps he had a session of his own? Hermione swung her legs out of bed and looked for a note or anything.

Well, no note meant that he would be returning before she left. Hermione wondered if she should go to breakfast without him. If Draco had his own healer to deal with there was little she could do. She went to the bathroom to ready herself, today, she was a free woman.

Hermione ate breakfast as quickly as possible and returned to her room to grab her bags. Despite running late she still had a beam on her face and a spring in her step. She opened the door, "Draco!" she called. No answer. She entered the room frowning, the smile slid off her face like a melted ice-cream. He still wasn't back. She couldn't leave without at least saying goodbye to him.

She grabbed her bags; on her purse she found an attached note.

_Hermione, _

_I'm sorry I__ won't be there with you as you leave this place behind and move on__. But I just couldn't face seeing you leave. I don't want to say goodbye to you, I'd just much rather say hello. _

_Love, _

_Draco_

Hermione clicked her tongue and stuffed the note into her purse. Idiot, it was only another six days until she saw him again. They could even owl. He was just a baby about the whole thing. Hermione levitated her bags and exited the room, remembering to leave the extra key on the table by the door.

* * *

"Hermione!" Harry called as he rushed to her at reception.

"Hey" Hermione said as he hugged her in a bone crushing grip.

"Ready to go?" he asked excitedly "I can't wait to have you back around, we've missed you greatly. I've had to do research when I want to figure things out; it's usually so much easier to ask you. But Ginny told me I'd be an idiot to owl you for every little thing. Can we leave?"

Hermione looked back to her bags and sighed, she would have liked to say bye to Draco. But perhaps he was right, maybe it would just be better to say hello. Like the Beatles song. _You say goodbye, and I say hello, hello, hello_. "I'm all set" she said with a small crooked smile.

"Good, I've already checked you out. We'll be going straight to the Burrow. You'll be staying there for the next few days until we get you sorted out. And Ginny is dying to see you" Harry said happily. Hermione chuckled; his excitement was tiring her out.

"Let's go" she said squaring her shoulders and following Harry to the fireplace.

* * *

The Weasley's welcomed her with open arms and much fussing. Mostly on Mrs. Weasley's part, and a little from Ginny. Hermione had been sat down for a filling second breakfast and a briefing of the things she'd missed.

Mr. Weasley handed Hermione her book list for Healer Academy and told her they would all be going to Diagon Alley in two weeks.

"Those bastards!" George said passionately pounding his fist on the table.

Hermione just smiled ruefully "What could I do?" she asked.

"You should have told us about the whole thing earlier Hermione. If you had…why I would have gone in there and cursed all of their sorry asses out to mars!" Fred said brandishing his wand and flamboyantly waving it around. Everyone about the table laughed.

"Yes, and you would have landed yourself in Azkaban. Now sit your own arse down Fred and stop shaking the table. You're spilling everyone's tea" Mrs. Weasley said reprovingly. Fred calmed down and put away his wand.

"I think the Prophet might be printing a story about this" Harry said with a wince.

"Why on earth?" Ginny asked as she reached for a muffin. Harry looked slightly guilty; he swallowed and took a moment to collect his words. Ginny glared at him, pressing him to go on.

"Well, let's just say I had a major fit at the Ministry" he said curtly grabbing a biscuit and shoving it in his mouth.

"How major?" Ginny asked dropping her muffing and crossing her arms, "Harry James Potter, spit it out, right now!" she said harshly.

"Well, I yelled and screamed…and threatened to sue. And said they were keeping people hostage…and there happened to be people from the Prophet with cameras around…" he said avoiding Ginny's gaze.

"Good" Hermione said coldly "They deserve to have as much bad press printed about them as possible"

"I'm sure they will after that display from Harry" Fred said pointedly, but even he was unable to hide his smile, "That article will make third page, but on the front page will be_ Harry Potter Has Hissy Fit In Ministry, Confounded to Believe He Is A Four Year Old Girl!__" _Fred laughed loudly.

"I would pay big money to see that in the paper" Ron chortled.

Harry shot him a menacing look.

"Sorry mate" Ron shrugged.

* * *

"No" Ginny said in shock.

"Yes" Hermione replied.

"No" she repeated shaking her head.

"Ginny…YES"

"So you…**BAM! BAM!**" Ginny yelled pounding her fist into her hand.

Hermione eyed her as though she were an extraterrestrial, "Yes, we had sex" she repeated calmly and slowly.

"Was it good?" Ginny asked with a wide smile.

"Yes the sex was good" Hermione said rolling her eyes. But a blush crept to her cheeks all the same. The simple thought of Draco sent tingles down her spine.

"Yes, making love was amazing" Ginny corrected waving her knife around casually.

"Well I wouldn't call it that" Hermione sighed reaching over to peel another carrot. First day back and Molly had already put her to work peeling carrots.

Nobody had asked what had happened during that month…everything about the same as usual. But Hermione found it was better. She didn't want to talk about it. Not now, not while she was happy and relieved. And it seemed nobody wanted to cause her any distress either. It was moments like these she missed. Just talking about stupid things with Ginny. Forgetting her mistakes and failures in life for just a few blissful moments.

She hadn't given Draco her papers. Hermione had decided she wanted them bound and made into a book for him. Maybe it was an excuse to keep the whole thing to herself, but she knew she was closer than she had ever been before to telling someone. And that first person would be Draco.

"Hermione, the way you talk about it, it sounds like love" Ginny said clicking her tongue.

"I don't know Ginny; I don't think I love him just yet. I think I'm almost there" Hermione replied unsurely.

"How can you say that? How do you calculate that?" Ginny asked grabbing some red peppers to chop.

"Because I haven't been able to tell him what happened…" Hermione frowned.

Ginny went still, "Hermione, you haven't even told me" she said quietly.

"And I will, as soon as I can manage to tell Draco. I figure once I learn to trust him, and to let him know that person I was, and those things I did…then it should be easy to tell the people who I already love" Hermione reasoned.

Ginny nodded "Hermione…" she said uncertainly.

Hermione dropped her knife and carrot and turned to Ginny. Ginny was frowning deeply and had placed down her own knife, "I healed you when you returned Hermione, I know what happened…"

* * *

**A/N 2:** Please check out the poll on my author's page concerning another story I may or may not write. If you'd like to see me attempt a marriage law story the please vote! I've had it requested a few times by reviewers. If I get a lot of yes votes I'll go for it. And I'll attempt to make it as orginal as possible, not matter how overkilled it is. Lol. 


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry Potter

**A/N: **So far about 84 percent of you say yay to the marriage law idea. 16 say may… none say nay. So I'll give it a bit more time before I decide. Maybe I'll write a chapter and post it to see the response and then gauge. Thanks for voting, and thanks for reading. Things move fast in this chapter, there are only a few more until I reach the end...Please don't hate me…

* * *

Time stopped. 

Hermione swallowed and smoothed her apron with trembling hands. "You know?" she asked precariously. It felt as though the kitchen floor was collapsing, it felt as though the walls were caving in on her, her tongue was swollen and mouth parched. But through it all, a small glimmer of hope fought through.

Ginny nodded truthfully, "I know almost everything Hermione, the only thing I don't know is how you got in that situation"

"Who else knows?" Hermione asked looking around the kitchen. Sudden paranoia overtook her. It was inconceivable that even Ginny knew, but who else did?

"Just me, and Remus knew too before he was killed. And then after the final battle, after what I saw and what you did… I couldn't deny the truth to myself any longer, I knew it was truthful" Ginny said softly, her eyes tearing. She seemed to be fighting back emotions of her own. Hermione was confused, angry, hurt, drowned in emotions she could not even begin to process as Ginny's declaration finally hit her with full force.

What could she possibly be thinking? Was there disappointment in her tears? Heartache in her words? Did she feel uncomfortable, disgusted, ashamed to stand so near? "Do you hate me?" Hermione asked breathlessly.

Ginny looked surprised, then slightly angry. "No Hermione, I could never hate you. No matter why or how it happened, I could never hate you. Nor could I judge you for it" Ginny said stepping forward and wrapping her arms around her best friend.

Hermione burst into tears; her legs gave out and she and Ginny sank to the kitchen floor in shuddering sobs. Ginny didn't hate her, even though she knew what had happened.

Time began to move again, declaring the event insignificant. A mere passing moment, fleeting and flighty.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Hermione cried into Ginny's shoulder as she clutched her shirt greedily. Feeding on Ginny's love and caring, nursing herself back into reality.

"Who was I to say anything? It was your life; it was your pain to share. I didn't want to take that choice from you. I knew you were heroic Hermione, but this was just stupid of you! You had no idea how many times I wanted to run to you and tell you I knew just so I could relieve the burden from you. But you had to be the adult, you had to be the one to be brave and brace the pain to your back" Ginny wiped her face with the back of her hand.

"I watched you suffer for your sins all the time, everyday I watched you on the brink" Ginny pulled away and grabbed Hermione's face tightly "You didn't have to do it alone Hermione. You're a goddamn child like the rest of us, you're nineteen. Why should you have to protect me, Harry, and Ron? It should have been us protecting and helping you from this nightmare you've had to survive. It can't be painless Hermione. It's not a hate or love feeling, it's not a yes or no moment, there are no easy lines drawn here. How do you know what you feel?"

Hermione kept crying. It was a free flow of tears now and nothing could stop them. She cried for herself, she cried for what she gained and lost and had never really understood, for Ginny, for Harry and Ron, her inescapable sins, she especially cried for Draco. Who with so many of his own problems, took hers into his hands and cradled them like china. He held her like a small porcelain doll, careful to not crack her or shake her, careful to always think of her first. Even this morning, he had not said goodbye for her sake, not his own. Hermione knew this…he had done it for her. So that she could leave without reminders of why she was there in the first place. So that she could leave freely and not think of him and his sorrow…

He was so selfless that it sickened her, and it made her want to fall at his feet in devotion and shame.

Ginny only kept everything to herself to protect her too, she told not even Harry. Harry and Ron avoided the topic in order to keep peace and give Hermione distance…they were all working for her, for her greater cause and health. And Hermione just assumed that everyone worked against her. They had hurt her; their silence had left her feeling alone and in the dark. But it wasn't as though Hermione had ever asked them to listen to her, to talk with her about it, to know.

_They must have been disgusted!_

_Why__ if she said anything, they would have hated her! _

_They didn't care, they didn't care, they didn't care! _

BUT THEY DID! And far more than she could ever comprehend.

"Ginny, I'm so sorry, I love you" Hermione whispered hanging tightly to her best friend.

"Hermione, do you want to tell me all about it?" Ginny asked softly.

"Yes…but I can't" Hermione sighed wretchedly, "I promised that I would tell Draco everything first, and considering…well, he deserves to know first. If I don't tell you, can we pretend that you don't know for now? Because I want him to know first. He has to understand before anyone else can; it's just as much his burden as it is mine" Hermione pleaded.

Ginny nodded, "Hermione, I understand, and I can wait for you"

* * *

Hermione spent the next six days at the burrow living as quietly as possible and writing, rewriting and editing her 'book'. She was on the second last chapter of her story when she realized she had misplaced the last chapter. 

She stood from the garden bench and got on her knees looking for the missing paper. She leafed through her packet of papers yet again. Well, it served her right for leaving everything so scattered, now she had lost papers. She sat back up on the bench and took a new piece of parchment out of her folder. She would have to rewrite it.

The worst chapter of her life would have to be relieved. But Hermione knew it would be easier this time, she knew the words would come more softly and surely than before. Hermione also decided that an epilogue might be nice. Something lighter and more hopeful to the end of her shameful tale.

"Hey Hermione!" Harry called walking up the stone path to her little bench beneath the gurdyroot bush. It had grown extreme in size. Hermione could remember fondly when she and Luna had planted it last year, much to everyone else's disbelief. Who knew, apparently gurdyroots were real, well, what else was real in Luna's world? Hermione was scared to imagine.

"Hello!" she called back. Hermione placed all of her papers away into her folder. Harry walked up to her heavily, his face shining with sweat and his breaths labored.

"Out of shape?" she asked with a smile as she moved over for him to sit.

"No, I've been carrying boxes out of the house to apparate to the flat" he said with effort. Harry dropped down next to Hermione and threw his arm around her neck "You wouldn't believe the amount of crap Ginny has. And as though that isn't enough Molly has tons of furniture and family heirlooms to give to us"

"Careful, that's your mother-in-law you're talking about" Hermione teased.

"Oi" Harry groaned.

"I'm really excited for you" Hermione said honestly.

"Well, I'll be excited for you too" Harry grinned sneakily.

"Whatever for?" Hermione asked with a grimace.

"Well, Malfoy gets out tomorrow morning, doesn't he?" Hermione nodded, "The way you talk about him to Ginny, sounds like something's going on there. I mean, it is Malfoy. But he's a little more okay now. And besides, I'm not dating him so it doesn't really bother me…"

"Harry, you're ranting" Hermione said cutting him off.

"Point is; if half of what you say is true about him, then he must really like you" he concluded.

Hermione sighed doubtfully "Yeah, well…not enough to write" she muttered.

"Oh come on Hermione. I barely received any of your supposed owls during your stay. So either they don't get to their destination, or you were lying" Harry said poking her in the side.

"I wasn't lying" Hermione said snippily swatting his hand away.

"Then don't worry" Harry said.

"I do worry though" Hermione said softly… she truly had not heard from Draco since that little note he had written her on the morning she left. Hermione was becoming uneasy with his silence, perhaps she was being paranoid, but she did not think so. Something was off. Hermione just hoped she was wrong.

"Did you do or say something to scare him off?" Harry asked with a laugh.

Hermione gasped loudly, she turned to Harry quickly. His mouth hung open silently, the laugh having died away. He looked afraid "Hermione?" he asked carefully.

Her hands flew up to her mouth, "Oh god" she whispered in dread.

"What's wrong?" Harry asked in true concern.

"Oh god…Harry you didn't happen to find any parchment with writing on it lying around and throw it away accidentally? Do you know if anyone else did?" she asked frantically.

"No, I've cleaned out half the house today and I found a few old receipts and a list of girls names which was in Ron's writing. But nothing substantial" he said unsurely. He couldn't gather where Hermione was headed with her questions.

"Oh god" she repeated yet again, "This is no good". Hermione picked up her folder and began to hike back to the house at full speed.

"Hermione!" Harry called running after her.

"Harry you have no idea what's happened!" she wailed as she flailed her arms.

Harry Potter was terrified. Hermione looked as though she was a train, heading at full speed, unaware that a wreck was coming her way. Her hair was flying and he could see tears trailing down her face. He was lost for words. What had occurred?

She kept running down to the house sobbing loudly. Harry followed close behind to make sure she was okay. He watched her enter the house and then he stopped. There was little he could do. He didn't even understand what the problem was. If she was sobbing because Malfoy didn't write back, then Harry would wring his neck. But even he could sense that there was something greater at loss here.

Hermione walked into the house and went directly to Ron's room. She pushed open the door loudly, barely noticing that Ron was in the room. He looked up from his bed in stunned silence, "Hermione?" he asked with a squeamish expression.

"Don't talk Ronald! My life is withering away!" she sobbed sitting down at his desk and grabbing a quill and parchment.

"Hermione, don't be dramatic" he sighed sitting up, "What happened?"

"I said don't talk!" she yelled loudly.

Ron went quiet. There was such a raw pain and anger in her tone that he had never heard before, even fear traced the lines of Hermione's mouth. He opted to just sit and watch.

She wrote furiously upon the parchment. Ron could only assume it was a letter by its format, but he couldn't see the words, Hermione's writing was far too small. He could feel the misery and sense of hopelessness about her. It was like watching someone die and there was nothing you could do to help. Hermione then rolled up the parchment and tied it with ribbon. "Pigwidgeon! Here!" She cried as she opened his cage. The small owl stepped forward cautiously. Hermione tied the letter to his leg and stared him in the eyes, "Directly to Draco Malfoy. And you harass and peck him until he writes a reply, you understand?" she said tearfully. The owl hooted softly.

Hermione opened the window and allowed Pigwidgeon to fly out. The moment the owl went out of sight Hermione felt even worse. What if she had misjudged everything? What if it wasn't the case? What if she had just acted like an idiot?

"Oh Ron" she sighed dropping down onto the floor.

"Hermione, what did he do?" Ron asked seriously as he crouched down by her.

"Absolutely nothing. That's what worries me" she whispered her eyes fixed on the window and the small fading speck carrying the feelings she had not known existed.

* * *

A day. 

Then two.

Three days later Hermione had sunk into the floor.

No reply, none at all. Her suspicion was confirmed. What now? What to do? Hermione did not know. She still could not believe that ten days had passed without word from Draco. Even more she could not believe that she had been right. Had it been possible that she had left her paper lying on the ground? Had it been possible that he had found it?

She had begun to sink into the floor. Hermione had been sitting in the kitchen in the Burrow, on the same barstool for the past three days. Moving only to use the washroom. It felt as though the chair had begun to descend under her weight. People passed her silently, some confused, and others pitied her. Harry threatened to bash Draco into a pulp; Hermione told him she could care less. He gave up with his threats.

Should she search him out? Hermione did not even know where to look for him. Draco would not have returned to the Manor, so where would he have gone? She did not know. There were connections at the ministry that could find him…but…

At this moment her only way of reaching him was by owl, and it was proving to be fruitless. Pigwidgeon had not returned and Ron as becoming anxious and worried.

A part of her did not want to look for him.

Hermione felt her chest begin to harden whenever she considered what was really happening. This was not just Draco taking his time, this was not Draco being mad, this was him erasing her. He had not even sent her a curt note telling her that he was done with her!

He had not sent her anything. It was this silence that tore at her inside. What cruel person would simply ignore someone like that? Did Hermione really deserve to be shut out so quickly? With his silence it felt as though a door had been slammed in her face and then locked from the other side. There was nothing for her to do but sit by the door and wait for it to open. Well, she was not planning on doing that.

Never had she had a worse feeling. Even living through all of the crap she had did not leave her this broken, this dejected. All this talk of moving on, understanding, love…all complete bullshit. For the second time Draco had left her. Except this time he would not be returning, that much was clear.

Hopelessness. That was the only word Hermione had in her vocabulary to describe her current situation. There was absolutely nothing she could do to change the situation; it was all in Draco's hands. Not in her power to decide how things were going to proceed. At this moment Hermione could hardly care if he ran into the room proclaiming his love for her. As far as she was concerned, she was done. There was nothing she could change, so she was done.

Hermione had placed so much into his lap, she had given him more than she had given anyone else and now…now she wondered if it was all pointless. If it mean nothing to him. Clearly it meant very little. He belittled everything she had done. He was becoming her greatest nightmare; he was making all of her irrational fears into realities. He had stripped her of everything, and then left her to pick up the pieces alone.

A loud smash came from her left. Hermione jumped in her seat and turned to the window by the sink. A single feather was floating to the ground. Hermione leapt to the window and threw it open; Pigwidgeon flew in with a letter tied to his leg. Hermione quickly pulled the letter off and opened it with trembling hands. It had the Malfoy crest on it…

**Blank...**no, impossible...

**Blank...**please, anything...

**Blank...**oh...

Nothing was written upon the paper in the envelope. It was blank. Not a single word. Not even an inkblot carelessly splatter while he internally fought with himself on what to say.

Nothing.

And that was just how Hermione felt at the moment. Then her heart shattered in that nothingness, silent as though it had been misplaced. She would not have even known it had occured had she not felt it in her chest.

All of the words she had thought before, all of the hard feelings would have melted away if there had been a single word on this paper. But the crisp white paper, folded twice glared at her. Draco had nothing to say to her. And she had naught for him.

Hermione scooped up all of the little fragments of her heart that lay on the floor. She carefully taped them together and wrapped them in tissue. Here was her heart, broken, but all in the same place. If nothing else, if no love had fooled her, if no reason had guided her, if no words could form from his lips to comfort her, at least Draco had taught her one thing in life…Buck up, move on.

* * *

Finally, eight o'clock rang on her father clock. Hermione dropped onto her couch and groaned. Everything finally sat in its place. Neat and perfect. She stretched her tired limbs and put her feet up. Her whole body felt broken from the labor. 

Harry had found her an apartment in muggle London, nearby Diagon Alley a month back. He had kept it quiet, and had showed it to her for her birthday as a surprise. He had paid the down payment for her and said it was her present for the next ten years.

Hermione knew he was joking. Harry had received mountains of money from the Ministry for his defeat of lord Voldemort, and he was now spending it in anyway possible, just to rid of it. Apparently the only thing he had bought for himself from the money awarded was socks. Ginny admitted this much. Hermione found it hard to believe that there were people as human as Harry in the world. Looking to only give, and recieve nothing in return but a simple thanks.

The whole day had been spent getting her settled in. Harry and Ron had brought in the majority of stuff and moved it about. They left the rest of the smaller items in Hermione's living room for her to sort out. Not trusting herself to handle delicate items with her wand Hermione had filled her whole hutch with china by hand. Painstakingly making sure that the pieces were carefully placed and exhibited. They had been her mothers, hence; important. She had also placed all her books into her beautiful custom bookshelves, Ron's gift, by hand in a perfect, non-specific order, to look as though they were randomly put aside.

She now had a few days of relaxation before school began for her. Luckily Hermione was not required to board at school this year, and being of age she could now apparate herself to and from. At least she would not be so lonely if she could drop in on others.

As far as she was aware, Hermione was the only person from Hogwarts attending Healer academy from her year. She had flutters in her stomach just considering how wonderful it would all be. She had visited the grounds earlier, the academy was in Leeds. It was beautiful and open with an old manor being used as the school building. It had been donated by the Scamander family centuries ago. Roomy and drenched in history it felt like a second home to Hermione. She could barely wait to hunker down in the library. Simple pleasures, simple pleasures...

She hauled herself off the couch and to the last box of books on the floor. Hermione dragged it to the bookshelves and the slowly began to place the books in their places.

"Oh crap" she muttered as a book slipped out of her hands and hit the floor. A piece of parchment flew from out of the pages and slid across the parquet floor. Hermione grumbled as she chased after it, but as she moved closer it flew further away. "Goddamn it!" she cried as she stomped her foot on it and stopped it in its tracks. "Stupid draft" she sighed as she picked it up.

It was tiny and folded only once. Hermione unfolded it and then frowned deeply. She crumpled the paper in her fingers. When had she placed that there?

The words unsettled her; they tore open barely healed wounds with their falseness. Grabbing her wand off the coffee table Hermione lit a fire. She quickly threw the piece of parchment into the flame; it crackled and flared up before falling in cinders.

_Good riddance__ to old news_

_No point in keeping irrelevant memories. _

_No point in hanging on to false promises. _

Hermione turned on the spot and looked around. "There is no point in lying to oneself" she said aloud, as though her rational being was floating before her and needed to hear the words. It was a comfort for herself. Then she walked back to her box of books and finished placing the rest away. Slowly and with utter calculation, erasing all remaining thought of _him_ from her mind and repeating the same phrase over and over, "There is no point in lying to oneself".


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Harry Potter, not yet anyway. I'm battling Michael Jackson for the royalties.

**A/N:** I'm sorry this chapter was a really long time coming. But I've had intense midterms this week. And even when I had the time to write (did you catch the error there before?), I couldn't bring myself to do it because I was so damn tired. Thank you all for sticking around. Plus, since this fic is coming to an end soon, I've been anxious to start another. I've been thinking about this idea in particular, but I haven't been able to write it because I was worried that people would hate the plot. I don't have the characters down exactly, but you can assume who will be in it. It centers on a young girl, who had the love of her life taken away from her in a gruesome public display. Repressing the event of his death she writes letters to him thinking he's merely gone on a trip, while all around her the world is at war. If you review, tell me what you think about it please.

* * *

"Oh shit, oh shit, oh holy mother of shit" Hermione chanted as she ran down the longest corridor she had ever seen in her life. She had exactly thirty-six seconds to make it to class before the door closed on her and she was shut out. She couldn't miss today, they were doing magical burns! 

She lugged her book bag over her shoulder, hiked up her skirt and sprinted the last five meters, managing to squeeze past the door just as it was closing. Hermione quickly made her way to her seat next to Neville. The students in the class sniggered quietly at her expense.

"You were almost late Hermione, that's not like you at all" Neville whispered to her as the professor began to prepare for class.

No, it wasn't like her. But she had just received some news from Ginny moments ago that had put her into a daze. "Yeah, I miscalculated the time" she whispered back; pulling out her books from her bag. Neville seemed appeased by her answer and he went back to staring ahead.

Hermione frowned and opened her book to the next chapter. She didn't feel particularly right at the moment, in fact, she felt very wrong. That old gnawing feeling had returned to the pit of her stomach. Should she send it?

Why bother.

But she had promised!

Well so had he.

Her finished book, rewritten many times sat under her bed in the form of a manuscript. Hermione had decided to just change it into fiction, well…a _memoir_. She had changed names, places, dates, but it was clear to see who was who, for the people involved anyway. And there it sat, collecting dust, rotting away, like her mind.

She couldn't bring herself to send it to Draco. He had made it clear that he didn't want anything to do with her; after all, he had successfully managed to ignore her for more than two months, or maybe only one month if his blank letter was to be counted as _some_ form of acknowledgement.

Sometimes Hermione thought she saw him on the street. Key word; _sometimes_. She would catch a glimmer of pale blond hair; hear that aristocratic tittering laugh…nope. Hallucination, every last one of them. It was terribly disheartening to go through it. It seemed that lately everything reminded her of that boy.

And so, what good would that book do for him now? He would probably burn it upon realizing what it was. Especially if Draco had her last chapter…Hermione still did not know. How could she? But she presumed as much, it made sense. There was no other reason for him to ignore her. He must have seen that chapter and it must have…hurt him terribly.

Hermione slouched down in her chair and tried to focus on her professor, but still Ginny's words rang in her head.

_"He has a girlfriend. Harry and I saw them a few nights ago when we were out for __dinner__ and they were touching and kissing__. I'm sorry to tell you this Hermione, but it's probably better that I tell you then for you to find it out as a surprise" _

A nod, and weak smile, there was no other reply to such words. Hermione had let him go, as best she could anyway. A part of her still considered him her…her what? He wasn't her boyfriend, he wasn't even really her friend, and so what was he? Draco, Draco was her potential. That is what he was. He was the potential everything to her, and then it just vanished.

In reality she had lost very little, only a tad over a week…but in those days she had gained more than she thought possible. Courage, adoration, and understanding had all come in his features. Hermione had lost that reassurance, and she had been jaded yet again. Once again someone had broken her and left her to die, this time it had hurt more.

"Miss Granger?"

"Yes?" Hermione asked sitting up in her chair. A moment of panic striking her.

"What are the four principal rules of cursed burns?" the professor asked tapping his wand against the chalkboard.

"Oh…uh-"

Hermione had never stumbled on an answer. And while she herself may have not noticed. Neville was keenly watching her. And he noticed her falter, and it worried him, more than slightly.

* * *

"Are you sure everything is okay?" Neville asked yet again as he and Hermione walked down the main path on campus, trying to decide where to eat. 

"Neville, everything is perfectly fine" Hermione said rolling her eyes. She clutched her books closer to her chest; it was unnerving how well Neville knew her. But then again, they had known each other for nearly nine years.

"I'm not sure if I believe that, but if you want me to drop it I will" he said with a frown as he tightened the strap on his bag.

"Everything is fine" Hermione said in frustration.

"Alright then" Neville said defensively, "Let's try Poppy's" he suggested pointing to the small café at the end of the lane. Hermione nodded in agreement and they walked to the building. Anything to keep his mind off of her problems.

"How are your studies going? Did the preliminary exams worry you?" Hermione asked casually.

"Not really, I knew I'd do well. I mean, I'm already in my concentration so it's nice" Neville said lightly as he opened the door for Hermione. She walked past him to the inside.

"It must be nice to know how to handle herbal remedies; I have no patience for them. When I open my practice Neville, you will have to be my partner" Hermione said with a wink.

"I'll hold you to your word" Neville laughed as he pushed her further in.

She took note of the surroundings. The café was nice, small, cozy but not too cozy. It had bright blue walls and white tables. But something about it felt rather cold…it was clinical. Hermione shuddered and followed Neville further in.

Every day she and Neville chose another place to enjoy their break, it had just become custom for them. Hermione wondered what they would do after they had tried every place. This place seemed to look decent. Mostly because it was nearly empty. Hermione couldn't handle the screaming and yelling of other students today, or most other days. She was attempting to put some peace in her mind. Neville steered her to an empty table and sat her down in a chair. He took the chair across from her.

For a minute or two he simply stared at her. Then he opened his mouth...and closed it. Hermione barely noticed his actions; she was focused on the tablecloth, Ginny's words still resounding in her head. How could he? After only a month? After no real goodbye. After everything, how could he just drop her? Stupid hypocrite. He left her with no faith in the world. He left Hermione feeling jaded and untrusting of everyone.

Neville opened his mouth again, "Hermione…" he began slowly. Hermione raised her head and attempted a weak smile.

"Yeah?" she asked.

"What's happening in your…personal life? You know you can tell me, we've been friends for too long…and I will try to help you if I can" he promised unsurely. He seemed braced for an attack.

"Really Neville, it's nothing serious!" Hermione laughed it off, "I'm just having a down day, I'm allowed a few, aren't I?" she questioned coolly.

He blushed and nodded, "Yeah you are, but it just doesn't seem like you to be so withdrawn. And I know the past six months have been tough, and you've been a little off…but I'd like to help" he said kindly.

"Thanks for the offer Neville, but all you need to do to help is to just keep my mind off of my sour attitude and make me laugh. That's what friends do" she replied seriously.

Neville's face fell for a split second before he light up with another smile. "Okay, should we order?" he asked looking around.

* * *

Hermione sat down on a bench and heaved out a loud sigh. She didn't feel like going home. But her classes were over. And she had nothing to do. It was a Wednesday night; nobody would keep her company when others had their own duties to tend to. Maybe, maybe she could drop by the Potters and…well, Potter and soon-to-be Potter, and just do her homework there. Hermione could not get through the nights alone anymore. She felt more alone than ever before. It was disturbing how the simple absence of Draco could pull her so low. She had other friends, better friends at her side…and yet... 

The thought of Draco having moved on ahead without her was crushing. For a number of reasons. The first being; it was wrong of him to move on and leave her hanging behind. The second; he must have never really liked her as much as he claimed. And the third? Well, Hermione wished she could have done it too. But Hermione knew herself well, and she couldn't lie to herself. There was no way she would be happy with someone else. At least not yet, not until she could get through a night without thinking of Draco.

And what about Ginny, Harry, Ron? All of the people she had promised to be honest with, she could do so. Not until Draco learnt what ha happened first. She couldn't break her promised.

Then again, why not? Draco seemed to be perfectly fine with breaking his promises. So he could just forget about everything then. Hermione would tell the people who cared, and who deserved to know first, they would help her. He wouldn't.

Hermione stood with a new determination. She flung her bag over her shoulder and began the walk back to the apparition point.

* * *

"AHAHAHAHAHAH!" Hermione screamed loudly as Ginny peered at her curiously. Hermione felt herself flush, her whole body burning under Ginny's inquisitive gaze. 

Ginny's eyebrows disappeared under her fringe, "Hmmm" she said softly. She picked up Hermione's plate and went to put it in the sink. It clattered as she dropped it carelessly.

Hermione began to sink in her chair, embarrassment was hitting hard. How could Ginny ask that? It was so…improper of her. Besides, Hermione couldn't answer such a question…

"Well?" Ginny asked; turning around and leaning on the sink with her elbows.

"Well, what?" Hermione said playing stupid.

"Have you?" she repeated impatiently.

Hermione bit her lip and looked around for Harry; he was nowhere to be seen. "Ginny, I don't know that I can answer that question" she said in a tense whisper.

"Of course you can!" Ginny cried turning back to the sink and turning on the water. She began to wash the dishes angrily, scrubbing violently, "Why couldn't you answer, it's a simple yes or no. And either way, you know I won't have any reason to be upset with you. I'm just wondering!" she said throwing down a plate. Hermione could hear it crack in the sink. Ginny shut the water off and turned back to look at Hermione, a dishtowel shaking in her hands.

"Ginny, why is it so important?" Hermione asked in confusion. It seemed like a silly question before, but why was Ginny angry about it now? What more was there?

"It's not important" Ginny said looking away, "I…just wanted to know"

She wanted to know? There was more to it then that. "Ginny, why is it so important if I've hooked up with any other guy since Draco, I mean, I really haven't had the time with school and all…"

"Hermione, we all know why you haven't" Ginny said shortly, but not angrily. Her face went soft and gloomy.

"Then what's the issue?" Hermione asked nervously. It was unlike Ginny to be so uncollected.

"Well, you know this morning, when I told you about Draco?" Ginny asked coming back to sit by Hermione at the dinner table.

"Yes…" Hermione said apprehensively, her face fixed on Ginny's.

"Well, I think they're engaged" she concluded quietly.

Hermione sat still for a few moments and mulled this over in rational thought. The gears in her brain were grinding painfully, unwillingly. "Ginny, people make rumors, I'm sure it's untrue. How the hell could he get engaged in a mere month after he left me?" Hermione asked with a roll of her eyes blowing off the whole ordeal.

"Well, that's the thing" Ginny said sadly, "It's Daphne Greengrass, from school". Ginny swallowed and looked down at the table, "And, they've been dating since fifth year…did Draco ever tell you he was single?" Ginny asked.

"I can't recall those words ever specifically having been said" Hermione frowned; the look on Ginny's face was growing steadily darker. So what, he was dating some girl. And he had been dating her on and off. Who was Hermione to say anything? It wasn't her business to meddle in any longer. If Draco was happy with this girl, then they deserved each other.

"Well, apparently they decided to take a break last month…" Ginny faltered there and looked away to the window, "While he was staying in the hospice".

A flash struck Hermione behind her eyes. But Draco could not have been dating Daphne so recently. He had made no comment of it. If he had been with her, just days before he had come to Hermione…"No, no, Draco was supposed to be with Pansy, they were betrothed, and she died" Hermione whispered in disbelief. She shook her head sadly, refusing to believe Ginny's words. Ginny was just being hurtful, Ginny didn't want Hermione to think of Draco any longer. She was doing this to purge him from her mind.

"No Hermione, they weren't. We all just assumed they were. But it appears that Draco was betrothed to Daphne, and now they must marry" Ginny said quietly. Her eyes could never meet Hermione's. "That's why I wanted to know. I wanted to know if you've been able to move forward. I worry about you Hermione, I really do. I think that Draco has caused you far more grief than help. I think you should forget him" Ginny said coldly.

Hermione's breath stopped. She whimpered loudly. No, Draco would not have done that to her! Was that why he would no longer see her? Was it because he had lied to her, used her, and now was back with whom he really loved? How could he do such a thing? Were there such horrid people in the world?

Well, that was what Hermione felt. She felt positively used. He had drained her dry and then left her to die. For what purpose, why had he battled with her and shared all of his pains when he had nothing more to give her?

It was utterly confusing. Hermione did not know what she felt anymore. It was one thing to assume that he needed time and space to deal with what he had learnt. But completely something else for him to have left her so quickly. Could such emotions wither so quickly?

"But…but…if his father is dead, then he doesn't have to go through with it, right? He can leave her and be free?" Hermione questioned tearfully, she really wanted to say 'with me' but knew it was...unsure.

"No, he doesn't have to marry her…not unless he wants to" Ginny said softly.

"He doesn't want to, he can't!" Hermione screamed standing up menacingly over Ginny.

"Oh Hermione, doesn't and can't are two differen't things. Besides, don't you see what he's done to you? He's drained everything from you and left you a bitter shell. And now he has information to use against you, horrid truths to hold over your head. How could we have all been so blind?" Ginny cried placing her hands over her face "What was he doing to you?".

"Stop it!" Hermione sobbed pulling Ginny's hands down, "stop it now! Draco wouldn't do that to me, he wouldn't…" Hermione cried tearfully as she fell to the floor. "He loves me Ginny, he has too" Hermione whispered.

"Is this how she shows it Hermione? Perhaps you were too naïve, Malfoy is a good actor. How were you to know that he was using you for his own purposes…?" Ginny said softly, "How could you know. We all believed him to be good. But we all knew he was selfish. Who's to say he didn't do everything for himself? Save his own hide?".

"He wasn't, why would he do that to me? Why would he ask so much of me…?" Hermione whimpered placing her forehead against Ginny's knees. It was too much, it was all too much. She had thought she knew him, and yet Hermione knew nothing. She knew nothing of Draco's life, his fiance, his trials, his motives. Who had she spent so much time with, who had she given herself to so blindly and carelessly, and would it come back to haunt her in the end? She felt Ginny's hand on her head gently resting.

"I don't know Hermione, but I know this is not love. Whatever this is, it is not love" Ginny sighed tiredly.

* * *

Hermione wrapped the parcel in brown paper carefully. She tied it with twine. All the while her tears fell on the paper in angry blots. How could? How dare he have fought with her, told her such lies…broken such promises. How dare he? 

But she had she been kidding? It had been less than two weeks that they had spent together. Hermione thought she knew him because Draco told her some shit story about Pansy. She though she knew him because she let him touch her, she thought she knew him because she cared about him so he must have cared about her.

Hermione had let a simple infatuation spin far out of control. Well, not she was taking that control back. Hermione walked over to her owl and tied the heavy parcel to his leg. He would survive; Malfoy did not live so far away.

He would receive her story. What he cared to do with it afterwards was not of her concern. It mattered nothing to her. So long as the papers left her tonight, Hermione was releasing him too. She had no hold on Draco. Her foolish heart had tricked her into believing it, just as it had tricked her into thinking he felt something for her. Perhaps even loved her.

This was all a large misunderstanding. But all the same, Hermione would not go back on her promise. Once this parcel left, she was free. Free, but not forgotten.

Oh no, he would not forget her.

And Hermione would make sure of that much.


	15. Chapter 15

****

Chapter Fifteen

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Harry Potter. But I have a professor named Garry Potter. Lol.

* * *

Fuck him senseless.

It was almost twelve at night when a patter came at his bedroom window. Draco Malfoy was not yet asleep, but he had been ready for bed. Teeth brushed, hair combed, cloths off. Just as he lay his body beneath the sheets that damned pecking reached his ears. He ignored it for a few minutes with the hope that it would cease, but it just seemed to grow louder and louder until it resembled an avalanche in his head.

Draco threw back the covers and sulked over to his window. What the hell could it be at this time of night? He peered out the window and saw an owl perched on his ledge. This owl was not familiar to him, nor was he expecting anything in the mail. Draco opened the window and the owl hopped in. It fluttered over to his bed tiredly landing with a thump.

"You and me both buddy" Draco muttered.

The parcel tied to its leg was giant, wrapped in brown paper and secured with twine. Draco cautiously undid the knot. The owl stretched its wings and took flight heading back out the window before Draco could inquire as to who had sent the package. He looked to the package, his eyes remained on it as he went back to close his window.

Grabbing his wand from the nightstand Draco prepared to check the parcel. Better safe than sorry. He waved his wand over it; there was no indication of curses, jinxes, hexes. Naturally magic was sensed, but Draco didn't think much of it. After all, he was a wizard, whatever he had received it wasn't likely to be a pair of socks.

He gently undid the twine and placed it aside, and then he tore into the carefully wrapped paper. Throwing it to the side Draco found a…book? It was bound plainly, with a black cover, no title on the side. Who would have sent this to him? What was it?

Draco's fingers curled under the cover, he flipped it open.

* * *

Hermione felt a tug in her chest and a tremble in her head. She opened her eyes in bed and looked about her dark room. He had opened the book. She could feel her memories flying about like loose papers in her head. Hermione closed her eyes again and allowed the magic to take its effect.

* * *

Draco landed on his feet and looked around in confusion. What magic was this? He was in a dark chamber of some sort. Grimy and lacking of air it caused an intense feeling of claustrophobia in him. He placed his hands behind him and felt a slick stone wall. In front of him he could feel nothing. He dared not trust himself to step forward. He might fall over something. Who had brought him here, and what for? Draco thought himself alone until he heard a gentle whimper off in a corner.

He blinked hard trying to get used to the murky light of the chamber, a tiny slit to his left was the only source of light, but it appeared to be blocked by something. His senses began to keen in; he could hear the pat of a leak to his left, the gentle rattled breathing of the other person in the chamber, and the smell of dried blood and dirt reeked.

"Hello" he asked gently walking towards the sound of the other persons breathing, "Where am I?" he asked in confusion. They did not reply. "Hello!" he said again in a louder tone.

The clanging of the door caused Draco to jump backwards into the wall, he bit his lip and watched a shadowed figure enter the stone box he was residing in. "Come on, just say something" the person whispered, it was a man's voice, and familiar to Draco.

"No" replied the other. Their voice was dry, cracked and pained. It was difficult to tell whether they were male or female. Draco listened keenly and silently, not wanting to give himself away. He was wandless.

"If you just told us we could forgo torturing you" the first sighed "Do you think I enjoy torturing you? I want nothing more than to see you safe and happy; you could be those things with me". Draco heard the rustle of robes but he could not see what was occurring. He pressed himself tighter against the wall, he was wandless.

"Kill me now". It was a female voice.

Oh. Everything began to spin into place like a Rubik cube and suddenly it was all solid again. These were Hermione's memories. This was her brain, this was her history, and that book had been hers too. She had charmed it to be some sort of pensive. That was why his wand didn't detect any harm in it. If this was some sort of a pensive then Draco could not be seen or heard.

"OI!" he yelled loudly.

There was no reply from the others, they continued their whispered conversation. He took the girl to be Hermione, for these were her thoughts and memories so she would have to be present. But he could not place the other person quite yet although they appeared familiar to him in manner of voice.

"What can I do then?"

"Nothing, just kill me"

"I can't kill you. But that's not to say you won't die. The infections in your wounds, the chill from the cold, the hunger, and thirst, all of those things can kill you, and none will result in a pleasant death"

"I don't care. I told you on the first day that I would say nothing. And I uphold that even now" Hermione said resiliently. Draco felt a burning sense of pride for her in this situation. And slightly sickened. He did not want to be here. He did not want to be forced to see these things.

His mind still spun with unanswered questions and worry. He had found a piece of paper in his room back in the hospice, it had fallen down under his bed; he had begun to read the final chapter of her story but could not continue after two sentences. There was a questioning tug in his stomach. It asked him if he really wanted to know. It asked if he thought he would be happy knowing, if it was worth it. Draco had refolded the paper and had placed it in his pocket, when he arrived home he put it in the third drawer on the right of his writing desk. This was where it sat now. He couldn't bring himself to read it, and he couldn't bring himself to face Hermione until he did. He knew that she had said she would tell him when she was good and ready. But Draco did not think he was ready to hear it from her, not while he was near her. Hearing those things from Hermione's own lips was different than reading it off a piece of paper.

He never wanted to ignore her. But he had nothing to say to her. So which was worse? And between them, in that void, papers of their lives were being printed. He read about her amazing work at school already, how she had been spotted with Longbottom everyday. Rumors of their relationship flew before his eyes. He didn't really believe it, but did Hermione believe the papers she read about him?

Draco took a deep breath and raised his head. He didn't know what to do. He had to go through with this. It was clear Hermione was angered, it was apparent she wanted him to see this. The hurt he had caused her with his rejection was blaring before his eyes. He couldn't run from the truth much longer.

If he felt about her the way he did, he would have been a complete fool to leave her. She was not better off without him. She was not healthier without him. It was not his fault.

It was not his fault these things had happened to her.

It was not his fault he had let go of her hand during that battle and that she had been pulled away from him. It was not his fault, even though he had promised to not leave her. She had been injured, worried, scared. He had promised to hold onto her until they returned to headquarters. He had promised, but he had let go of her hand…and for what? Because he thought he saw someone. He looked down at his hand in the darkness, the faint outline glared back at him. He could feel her fingers slip against his as she was pulled into the crowd of charging bodies.

Draco clenched his hand in a fist.

"Hermione, I can help you"

"Fuck off Zabini"

It was Blaise? But of course, Draco was hardly surprised, but very distressed. He still had a thin spot on his heart for Blaise Zabini. They had known each other from little feet, and when Blaise betrayed him, it had left a wear on Draco's emotions. Blaise had not betrayed Draco by joining the Death Eaters, only by selling Draco out to them. One must accept that roads will part, but you hope to remain friends all the same, even if only in heart. Pansy had never betrayed him. But, well, when Blaise told Draco's own father where he was, so that he could be sought out and killed…that was a line crossed. Blaise had basically left Draco for dead. And then…Hermione had saved him. He was almost gone. And she had jumped in…

"Alright then" Blaise said with a sigh. Draco's eyes were just beginning to adjust to the dim light; he noticed a row of items on the wall where the window was. Blaise walked over to this wall and pulled down something long. Draco bit his lip and shut his eyes. He couldn't watch this. Please let it pass, let it move on.

The lashing of the whip was loud and it cracked the stuffy air of the little stone box. But no other sound was to be heard. And again, and again, and again…Draco was ready to throw up…

Draco felt his head spin as it all began to change.

* * *

"You will be my ward" Lucius Malfoy said to Hermione Granger.

The lighting was drastically different, but everything appeared to be in shades of grey like an old movie. Draco opened his eyes and could now see Hermione and it racked him with pain to see her in such a state.

Blood crusted her thin rag of a dress. Her feet bare, hair filthy, face set in a strong glare even though it was evident she was in pain and even standing straight was excruciating. She stared at his father defiantly; there was no backing down in her demeanor. They appeared to be in the foyer of the manor. It's stark blank walls caused spots to swim in Draco's field of vision.

"And…?" she asked.

"Of course, I should have known you would be expecting more to it. Well, as being my ward you shall be submissive to me. You will do what I tell you, and if you follow my rules and demands you will survive this war in comfort, and may continue to live so for the rest of your life" he smirked.

"I don't follow demands" Hermione said coolly.

"We'll see about that" Lucius smiled.

* * *

The scene changed yet again. Draco was now standing by the door of a well furnished room, a room he recognized as his own. Hermione sat on the floor by the window staring out of it languidly.

This was again sometime later. So what had happened? His father had bought her out of that hellhole into another one? What about Blaise? He had clearly had his eyes on Hermione, how would he handle the fact that he had lost her?

He looked back to the silent girl. Her eyes were pools of obscure thoughts. There was nothing coherent about her; she appeared to be a total ghost, flickering like static. Draco walked over to her and crouched down beside her to watch. What was important about this? Why did Hermione want him to know this?

Draco noticed that her wrists were very thin, her collar bone also protruded quite deeply. He frowned and leaned closer to observe her. Her eyes were dead, hair lank, skin abnormally white even for the shades of grey. For all other passers she would have appeared to be dead. But Draco could hear the small rattle of breath that worked its way down to her tired lungs and back up.

What was occurring to her? Why had she fallen into such an existence? Even with torture there had been an unrelenting flame in her eyes. But now she appeared to be utterly comatose. "Oh Hermione" Draco whispered reaching out to touch her cheek. His hand went right through her face. He pulled his hand back, she blinked once.

"A thrall" he whispered to himself. Surprised he had even managed to remember sixth year DADA. She had fallen under a thrall. His father had bewitched her, and now she was in love with him. So she was wasting away for Lucius, waiting for him to return to her. Draco had never seen this before, although he had read about it. When someone had fallen this far into a thrall it was impossible to break, the person was heading straight for death. They would waste away slowly. And Draco knew the more they were ignored, the more they fell. So how had Hermione managed to break this spell?

He watched her eyes rise slowly. She was looking at him. No, she was looking past him. Draco turned trying to see what she was looking at. Then he saw it…a picture of him was right behind his head on his desk. It was him and Pansy as children, maybe they had filled five years of age at the time it was taken. They were both waving happily to the camera. He turned back to Hermione, her head had tilted slightly and she was still regarding the picture. Suddenly she leaned forward on her hands and knees. She crawled through him and reached the picture.

Sitting in his lap she held it before her gazing at it with confusion. Her thin skeleton like fingers roamed over the ornate frame and the glass. Slowly her eyes began to clear.

Again everything erupted into a grey rainbow mixing about him.

* * *

It was dinner time; Hermione sat across from his father silently, picking at her food. But Draco noticed that she looked a little straighter, a little more there. Not enough to be obvious, but he noticed. "I should like you in my room tonight" his father said as he placed down his napkin. Hermione did not reply, she continued to stare at her plate. Draco saw a twinge in her features; it passed his father's notice. Hermione was coming out of the thrall slowly.

So she had gone to bed with his father. Draco knew this much, but hearing it again was no softer a blow than the first time he had heard. At least now he realized that it was by no means willingly. Hermione was under a thrall…was…

She was not completely under the thrall anymore. Draco was sure she could disobey the orders now, but would she?

* * *

Draco blinked and then found himself in his father's room. His father lying in bed asleep, Hermione crawling out. She was certainly not under any spell now. Was she sleeping with his father for survival or for another reason? This was again a later date for Draco could see that Hermione was even more aware of herself now, she was doing something she herself had deliberated of her own will. Another few days had passed again. Draco was trying to keep track of time but was finding it difficult.

She rifled around his fathers private desk, searching for something. Draco almost shut his eyes, he didn't want to imagine what would happen if she were to be caught. She pulled open a drawer and appeared to have found what she was looking for. She took the paper and folded it into a small cube, and then she walked back to where her dress was lying on the floor. She shoved the paper through a small hole on the inside of the dress pushing it into the attached corset. Making sure it was well hidden she crawled back into bed, lying on the very edge as far as possible from his father.

With gritted teeth Draco watched as his father's hand snuck around her waist. Hermione's eyes filled with tears.

* * *

"You took her from me" Blaise said to Lucius, wand drawn in a threatening manner.

Draco looked around for Hermione but he couldn't see her. She must have been hiding somewhere in the foyer for him to be witnessing this. He noticed the closet was opened a mere crack; that was her.

"I took no one from you, she was never yours" Lucius replied calmly, his wand remained in his cane. He did not look too worried with Blaise.

"The dark lord was going to award her to me" Blaise seethed.

Lucius laughed, "Stupid boy, the dark lord knows you could never break her. I, have her under my thrall, soon she will be so gone, so willing to prove her love for me that she will tell me everything. Then, I will be in the lords good graces; you will be as always, a cockroach"

"You're failing Lucius and you have no idea, just wait until it hits you in the face. You are loosing" Blaise threatened. The scene spun again.

* * *

Draco now found himself outside. A thick scent of rain hung in the air. Hermione was pressed against the door, her eyes were closed and she was drawing nervous breaths. About him the clouds were swirling unpleasantly in the sky, rain was sure to fall.

So she had been under Lucius' thrall…but she had broken it? Draco was only catching mere glimpses of Hermione's memories, everything was moving to fast for him to make connections between the scenes… And then Hermione had begun stealing Death Eater plans. And now she was planning to escape. How? It would be impossible for her to get out of the grounds. The manor had century's worth of magic wound about its property; there wasn't a chance for her. Draco still couldn't take it all in. It felt as though there were too many holes still. He was only becoming more confused with every scene. He sighed and looked closely at Hermione. Had had not seen her in such a long time, the only glimpses he ever got of her were those pictures in magazines. She looked beautiful, her lashes fluttering, cheeks red and chest heaving. She was preparing herself for escape.

But she kept checking her watch. Draco frowned as he watched her do this; she was waiting for a certain moment. Before he could even register her movement Hermione had leapt from the porch and was sprinting wildly towards the edge of the grounds. Draco turned and began to run after her. Around him the pops of apparating people sounded like muggle shelling. He kept his eyes on her and ran as quickly as he could, he could not afford to lose her in this mix, he might never get out then. He watched her break through the trees and he ran even faster. The sounds of snapping branches and her heaving breaths kept him on her tail.

She ran for a full fifteen minutes before she even slowed down. Draco watched her lean against a tree tiredly; he had to do the same. A clap of thunder sounded, and the downpour began. The rain was falling heavily, and he could see the mist of Hermione's breath in front of her. She pushed off the tree and continued to walk briskly ahead.

Draco followed her. He wondered where she was going, or if she even knew where she was going. Her whole body was shaking with every step she took but Hermione dared not slow down. His heart was aching for her. He had no idea. Not really anyway. It was one thing to hear a watered down account of what happened, another to witness it.

He had seen her scars firsthand, how they shone in the light and crisscrossed all about her back. He had known, but he had not known like this. The more he saw the guiltier he became. What was he trying to achieve by ignoring her? What did she think of him? Draco had only wanted to take some space and recoup, he didn't feel ready, strong enough to take on Hermione. She was this giant entity, this, ultimate human being and he was no more than the ground beneath her feet. He was being selfish, and he recognized this. No matter how he may have valiantly dressed up his leave to soothe himself, the truth was that there was a much betrayed girl who thought he had left her because of what he had learned. He was only contributing to Hermione's worst fears by leaving her. She probably thought he ignored her because he was disgusted or pained to be near her. And he was, but not in the way she thought. Draco could barely think about Hermione with thinking about how pathetic he was in comparison. He was weak, pushy, hiding his insecurities behind his arrogance and other people's secrets. He was pushing all of his frustration at Daphne. She was only trying to help him through it, and he was pummeling her into the ground. He was doing the same to Hermione…

* * *

Draco looked around and noticed that the vista had changed yet again without his knowledge.

"Come on Granger, I know you have those papers on you somewhere, and when I bring you back with them the dark lord will reward me" Zabini said with a mad grin as he pushed Hermione down into the ground with his knees.

"And kill me!" she yelled trying to hit him with her arms.

"All the more reason for me to get what I want now" Blaise said grunting to keep her under control. Draco felt so helpless, he wanted to pull Blaise off her, pummel him into the ground. But he could do nothing but watch as Blaise hurt Hermione.

"Stop it!" she cried trying to push him off.

Blaise tore at her clothing, ripping off her sleeves and tearing down the buttons of her shirt. "Blaise why are you doing this? You've been beaten yourself, they've taken your wand! Why would you want to go back to them? You could come with me, the Order would offer you protection" Hermione pleaded.

Draco frowned, Blaise still had his wand. Draco could clearly see it in his back pocket. What had he missed…?

Blaise was attempting to make Hermione lower her guard by pretending he was unarmed. In fact, Draco could clearly see that Blaise was not hurt at all. It was all one very well done make-up charm. Hermione in her state of panic must not have noticed this, for she was already promising him safety. Oh Hermione, she was too kind. Draco watched with his fingers over his lips as Blaise attempted to get Hermione under his control.

"Pity, pity, shame…" he breathed against her face as his lips ran along her jaw line. Hermione cried out and pushed against him. "Come now Granger, maybe if you concede, you might have a chance at staying alive" he mocked kissing her neck. His body slid down along hers until he was lying flat against her. His weight was pressing heavily upon her chest and abdomen, leaving her with short gasps of air.

His hands grabbed her own and pulled them over her head. Hermione thrashed under him again, "Let go!" she cried trying to buck him off.

Draco watched as Blaise raised his hand and struck Hermione across the face with his full force. Draco cried out and stepped forward reaching for Hermione.

He hit her again, even harder if possible. Draco could see a trickle of blood running down her lip. Hermione's eyes were fluttering as she began to loose consciousness. He didn't know what to do with himself, "Stop please" he pleaded to no one.

"I-

Hate-

You.

You are the-

Reason-

I was-

Punished"

Almost every word was inflected with a sharp snap of the hand. Draco had never witnessed such brutality in all his years of war. It was always a quick death curse, never such an infliction of desperate pain. Draco knelt down by Hermione's head and reached to touch her face, forgetting that it was no possible to do so. "Hermione" he whispered sadly.

She choked, "Stupid bitch, more trouble than you are worth" Blaise muttered wrapping his fingers around her neck. Draco thought he might just kill her yet.

Blaise stood suddenly and stared down at Hermione as though she were the lowliest vermin. "No" Draco whispered looking up at Blaise, "No, no, no" he laid his body over Hermione's. Never, never had he felt so useless, so stupid and unworthy. He could not even help the woman he adored; there was nothing he could do to stop her suffering here, nor in the present.

"Good, make it easier for me" Zabini wheezed.

Zabini's foot flew through Draco and hit Hermione.

Hermione groaned and curled up, placing her hands on her stomach. He kicked her again, this time she sobbed loudly. Draco heard the breaking bones in her hands. He felt vomit rising up his throat. He looked around in panic; "PLEASE JUST GET ME OUT OF HERE!" he cried to the sky, but his cry was not answered.

Blaise crouched down by her again; "Maybe now you won't protest" he chuckled. He turned her over onto her back.

Draco stood and pulled at his hair. "STOP IT!" he screamed at Blaise, "STOP IT ALREADY" his voice broke, but he knew Blaise could not hear him. "Stop it" he cried trying to kick Blaise, but failing even in that he fell down by Hermione. He could not just stand by and watch this all occur.

Blaise was now removing the rest of her clothing; Draco could not tear away his eyes from Hermione's wrecked and battered body. Blood and bruises held together her broken stick frame. Everything seemed to lie in an awkward angle. She did not even look human.

Hermione could not move, her broken fingers trembled at her sides, Draco could see the effort in every single on of her breaths. Blaise touched her teasingly here and there, Draco couldn't help it, and he turned to his side and threw up all of the contents of his supper. He squeezed his eyes shut and waited for it to pass.

"I'm going to break you, just like they broke me" Blaise promised grabbing her hair. He was smiling wickedly, the fucking liar! "I'm going to break your hips and legs and arms, and then drag you back like a bag of rocks, to throw you down naked before them"

Draco watched her mouth opened in silent agony as Blaise's hands pressed against her bare chest, her ribs creaked.

He tore at her skirt next. "Don't die just yet Granger, I want you to be conscious when I fuck you" he laughed undoing his own buttons.

Draco watched Hermione's eyes begin to close, "No, Hermione, no, don't shut your eyes" he cried softly, willing her to remain awake.

"What the fuck?" Zabini whispered his eyes rising to look her in the face.

Hermione's breath hitched loudly, causing Draco to look up at her too. Her face was contorted in pain. "What the fuck" Blaise whispered again, but his eyes were down by her legs. Hermione's sprained and broken fingers were curling around the rock by her side. Draco watched her through his tears. She swung her arm up and struck the confused Blaise right in the forehead. He went over like a log falling on the ground face first. Draco was surpised with her strength, but it seemed to be the last she could do. Now she was completely spent.

Her lips opened and a whimper crawled out. She turned to her side pushing Blaise off. Draco watched with tearful fascination as Hermione pushed herself up straight crying out again. She appeared to be in immense pain, but this was current pain. She cried loudly again and fell back on her elbows. He watched her breath slowly until the pain passed her.

The wand sticking out of Blaise's back pocket caught Hermione's eyes "Fucking ass-hole-" she groaned tearfully as she leaned forward and gabbed it from his pocket.

She pointed the wand at herself and attempted to mend herself as best she could. She did well enough to stand up. Draco cried with joy as he watched her stand uncertainly on her feet like a baby deer, Hermione clutched to a nearby tree, she smoothed her skirt.

Draco's face fell as her shredded shirt fell flat down against her legs. Blood dripped off her skirt and ran down her legs. Draco looked up at Hermione in confusion. "Oh my god" Hermione whispered as she looked down at herself. More blood covered the grass and leaves where she had been lying previously; she pulled up her skirt slightly to see where the blood was coming from. Her head flew back against the tree and her eyes blinked rapidly. "Oh my god" she repeated again as her trembling hands rose to her lips.

"Oh my god" Draco whispered himself.

* * *

**A/N:** It's a little bit of a cliffhanger, but I think you will all understand what is going now. In the next chapter we'll get a confrontation, and more will be revealed. But will Draco be able to live with Hermione past? Will he be able to accept his part in her future? Will Hermione forgive him for leaving her? Just who is Daphne Greengrass and what is she doing in Draco's life? All will be revealed!

Please review!


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen**

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Harry Potter

* * *

She gripped her sides again and gasped loudly. Hermione was slowly turning along the tree; Draco could hear her deep sucking breaths. Each one was not as good as the last, each one longer and deeper than the last, each breath more desperate than the last. Hermione pushed off the tree and began walking as quickly as she could. Draco stumbled on after her in confused and stunned silence.

"Hermione" he pleaded reaching out to grab her. All he wanted was to touch her, kiss her, hug her. And this was the worst punishment he had ever been forced to endure. It beat out physical pain, mental anxiety, this, this was pure torment. To have to drift alongside her and watch her struggle on without being of help…it killed him. She began to walk even quicker. Draco was marveled at her stamina. For it was clear to see in the curve of her spine and the tremble of her hand that she was in pain. But she kept walking.

The blood. The blood was all over her. Draco could no longer distinguish what was from which wound. But the blood from between her legs continued to run, dripping onto the dry leaves below with a pat. It was internal damage, it had to be, what else could cause it…

Draco knew. But he didn't believe it; he didn't want to believe it. Was this why Hermione couldn't tell him? Was this why she wanted him to know first? Was this why she was so guarded around him? Did she feel guilty?

Thunder broke out overhead, and a streak of lightning washed through the grey. The rain began to fall lightly. Hermione's breath was now coming out in shallow wheezes. She dropped the wand and had to bend down to pick it up. Draco watched her deliberate, if she bent down, and couldn't get up, what then? Holding the nearest tree she bent as gently as she could and snatched the wand from the leafy ground. "Expecto-" she sighed and swallowed leaning back against the tree "Expecto Pat-" a faint glimmer shape, and then it faded. "Expecto Patronum" Hermione tried again, this glimmer lasted a mere second longer than the first before it too faded. He could see the frustration in her screwed up face and hear the agony in her voice. "Fuck!" she cried and threw the wand down.

"No, no Hermione, don't give up" Draco begged her shadow "Come on, try just once more" he whispered looking at the abandoned wand. "Please…"

Her knees gave way and Hermione dropped to the ground. She crawled to the wand and grabbed it in her hand. "What good are you to me?" she whispered sadly to the wand. "I'm too weak to use you, and I don't know that my magic is as good as it was before". It tore at Draco's heart to hear her talking to herself.

"Oh god" she groaned as her eyes shut tight again. She gasped loudly and grabbed her stomach, "What now? What now? I can't go back like this. I don't know how to get back…how did this happen?" she cried desperately to no one. Draco bent down next to her. Hermione placed her hands on her stomach… "I had no idea" she whispered rubbing her stomach gently. Draco wanted to grab her hands, but yet again he was denied the satisfaction, the relief of doing so.

"I had no idea either" Draco whispered to himself. She had only been gone for over a month. It was so hard to grasp, so difficult to believe.

"I'm sorry" she whispered.

"Me too" Draco replied.

Wizarding pregnancies differed from muggle pregnancies. The usual span of a witch's pregnancy was only about sixth months, the child grew faster due to the intense magic the mother emitted. But all infants were different, some came early, some preferred to stay longer much to the chagrin of the mother. Those were usually magically induced.

Magic pregnancies were also far more dangerous. The child's magic could interfere with the mothers causing great sickness in either person. The child's magic could also overwhelm the mother in some cases causing anything from maddened mood changes, to extreme suicidal tendencies.

But magical miscarriages, especially those due to bodily violence could easily kill the mother. Especially one so late already, a miscarriage of less than three weeks was no more than an unexpected menstrual cycle. But once the infant has begun to form and it suddenly dies, its unused magic can poison the mother blood. Its body in her womb can cause extreme pain and blood clots, even the tying of her intestines. Draco had already learnt so much in school, but he did not know how to help Hermione. Someone in her situation was teetering on the brink of death. Even in a hospital keeping her alive would take extreme effort, and may prove to be futile all the same.

Again Hermione forced herself to her feet and she continued to walk in the light misty rain. Draco could see her reasoning. She was not far enough from the Manor, and she was definitely not far enough from Blaise, who could wake up at any moment.

He followed her with his hands in his pocket. Shame covered the back of his neck and reddened his ears. He could hardly believe that Hermione had lived through so much. It was astounding to believe that the girl he had seen return, the girl he had fought beside, the one he had began to fall in love with, was the same girl he watched force herself along in misery every day. He knew Hermione was headstrong, but even Draco could honestly say if he were in the same situation, he would not have survived.

But she had been with child. Hermione had had his father's child. Or rather, she was about to. Everything began to make sense. Her fear of him, her distance and coldness, even after they had…done _it_… Draco could still feel Hermione's reserve. It was as though she expected him to leave her, and he had done so. But now…hell, Draco had no idea how he felt.

He was revolted. Disgusted with the idea of what his father had done to Hermione. Sickened by the fact that Hermione had only discovered she was with child when the child left her. Broken by the idea that the baby had died. It was not the child's fault. Even though Blaise had seemed surprised by the blood, Draco had a horrible feeling that Blaise knew exactly what he was doing when he kept kicking Hermione over and over. Perhaps he was overanalyzing.

That had been his brother or sister in Hermione's body. His sibling…But he cherished Hermione, but she had been with his father's child. Draco was beyond confused. He did not know how to feel. Part of him knew that being with Hermione was wrong, and bound to be destructive. He could never look at her again in the same manner, not now that he knew. It was just…sick to be with her now. But his other half cried wildly, begging him to reconsider. He adored Hermione and respected her more now, and he knew just how much she needed him now. Draco just did not know.

The ground beneath him disappeared and he began to fall.

* * *

Hermione was standing with her wand pointed at his father. Draco could see the cool glint in her eyes; he knew she was dueling to kill. And there he was, a few meters away knocked unconscious by a curse his father had fired at him. The Hogwarts grounds were littered with bodies, people running and screams thickening the air. A dim smoke covered the whole grounds; the castle was barely visible two hundred meters away. Another piercing scream flew over the haze.

He could see Hermione wince; she was covered in blood and bruises. Not that his father was fairing much better, he too looked to be about ready to drop. "If you drop your wand Lucius you can spend the rest of your days comfortably in Azkaban" Hermione grinned. She was just putting up a strong façade, her confidence was non-existent. Draco could see right through her act.

Lucius saw as much, "You can drop your wand and just let me kill you Granger. After all, it's the least you could do after publically humiliating me. But if you let me kill you, you will be spared much pain, and I will retrieve my reputation. It was scratched when you managed to escape with those papers"

"Ha! But you didn't tell anyone, did you?" Hermione asked "You were afraid of what your lord would do to you should he have found out. So you sent Zabini after me, the imbecile"

"Hand over your wand" his father repeated. The taunting tone from his voice had disappeared, it was pure anger now.

Hermione laughed loudly, "Not likely. Confringo!" she yelled.

Lucius jumped away. Hermione's spell hit a rock behind him. It exploded sending small pieces flying everywhere, Draco shielded his face with his hands upon instinct, and the rock simply went through him.

"Avada Kedavra" Lucius yelled waving his wand Hermione's way. She ducked behind a tree; the curse fizzled as it hit the bark.

"Expulso" Hermione tried again jumping out from behind the tree and running to another. She poked her head out from behind the tree to see if she had done any damage, another killing curse whizzed past her, singeing her hair.

Hermione jumped out from behind the tree without thinking, Lucius immediately fired another spell at her. Draco shoved his fist into his mouth and shut his eyes. It did not matter that he knew the outcome. It did not matter that he had touched her, kissed her, smelt her only a while ago. The whole thing was causing his stomach to twist in knots.

"Protego Horribillus" Hermione said crossing her hands in front of her. The curse deflected. She had gotten lucky; it had not been a killing curse. Lucius covered his eyes from the bright of the curses reflection. "Sectumsempra" Hermione said quickly, using Serverus' spell to catch Lucius off guard. And she did just so. Draco watched his father fall over yelling out in pain as his wand fell from his hand. Draco could see the defeat on his father's face; the man knew he was done.

Hermione walked over to him slowly. She kicked his wand from his reach. Draco moved closer to look at his father's face before his death. He held his poise even as he slowly bled to death. "You know Lucius, I could kill you quickly now and save you the pain. But I don't think I will. I had to bleed to death; I had to _bleed_ death from my body…so I think I will allow you to do the exact same, choke on your own blood, you deserve it" she said coldly.

Draco watched Hermione's lips open, and then close. He knew she was deliberating about telling his father about the miscarriage. But Draco knew she would not be able to. He already knew that Hermione would not say a single word about it.

His father's cloths quickly soaked through with blood, his mouth filled with it and it overflowed. Lucius gurgled, his eyes rolled into the back of his head as he drowned to death on his own blood. His body began to shake violently, unable to turn himself over; he was forced to die painfully. Hermione's window to say something was closing quickly. Two minutes later Lucius stopped moving, his eyes remained open and wide. Death had caught him. "You killed your second child, and you almost killed your first too, _you_ sent Zabini after me into those woods. I hope you burn in hell Lucius Malfoy, I really hope you do" she said kicking his head to the side, the blood tipped from his mouth and dripped to the ground. Hermione stepped over him and walked back towards Draco. The dream Draco was still lying on the ground, seemingly dead.

She knelt next to him and gently placed her hand on his heart. He heard her breathe a sigh of relief. "Oh Draco" she whispered.

Draco felt a lurching sensation and the scene dissolved before him.

* * *

Opening his eyes Draco found himself in his room lying on his bed. The book was to his side, turned to the last page. Draco sat up slowly, a fetid smell reached his nose. Draco looked over the side of his bed to find a pool of vomit on the floor. He quickly grabbed his wand and cleaned it up.

What he needed now was a hot shower and some time to think.

* * *

Hermione woke in the morning covered in sticky sweat. She could not remember her dreams; her head had not been her own last night. She shook with the knowledge of what she had done. It was all now in Draco's hands, the ball was on his side of the court. He could choose to do with it what he would.

She stepped out of bed, Hermione was going to shower and then she was going to find Harry, Ron and Ginny. There was a lot of explaining to do.

* * *

"Oh?" she said looking over Neville's shoulder.

"Yeah, apparently, if you just switch the mangrove with the fairyfir it works about the same. But you can use a lesser amount and the ointment has a far more pleasant sent" Neville explained as he and Hermione sat outside surrounded by books.

"But wouldn't the fairyfir react violently against the mandrake? I mean, it would suck if we blasted ourselves to pieces attempting to brew this" Hermione asked chewing on her quill.

Neville considered her attentively, "I guess it's always a risk with mandrakes, especially when they're full grown, but if you just put a cube of sugar in there you could appease the mandrake until it cooked" he suggested as an afterthought.

"That's brilliant!" Hermione cried giving Neville a loud kiss on the cheek and squeezing his shoulder, "We should definitely open our own practice" she laughed.

"I think Luna would never forgive me if I became one of those working stiffs" Neville smiled.

"Um, excuse me?"

Hermione and Neville looked up at the long tall shape before them, shaded by the sun. "Yes?" Hermione said with a squint.

"I don't know if you remember me Miss Granger, but my name is Daphne Greengrass, we were in the same year in Hogwarts" she said crouching down on the ground by them. Hermione could see her clearly now. Beautiful dark hair and lively hazel eyes smiled at her.

"Oh, yes" Hermione said tersely.

"I just wanted to talk to you if possible" Daphne said nervously. "Privately" she added looking at Neville.

"I'll be back in a bit Neville" Hermione said picking up her wand and standing. "Let's go for a walk" she suggested.

She and Daphne set off down the familiar school circular path. "What can I do for you?" Hermione asked with a sigh. She could not even find it in herself to be angry; she had no reason to be angry with Daphne. She had every reason to be royally pissed at Draco, but it was not Daphne's fault.

"I want to talk to you about Draco" Daphne said stopping suddenly.

Hermione had seen this coming. She stopped and her lips thinned, "What about him?" she asked uninterestedly.

Daphne smiled sadly, "He's been…well…off lately" she admitted.

"I've never known Draco to be so quiet, subdued, confused…but that is the only way to describe him in the last month. And it took a lot of digging, but I found out that you two had spent time together at the healing center" Hermione snorted loudly and rolled her eyes but Daphne continued, "I found your letter to him…"

Hermione looked up in surprise. Had she read it, well she must have if she was here before Hermione now, "Draco is my god brother, and I love him dearly. I'm worried about him. And in turn I'm worried about you. I don't know what is happening between the two of you…but I think you should talk it over and get it solved" Daphne suggested weakly.

"You're not betrothed?" Hermione asked in confusion.

"Yes I am" Daphne said with a perplexed expression; she showed Hermione the lovely ring Hermione had seen in the papers. It was large and rich, a giant sapphire sat in the midst of many small diamonds.

"Oh!" Daphne exclaimed in realization, "Oh you mean Draco and I? Oh god no" she laughed in discomfiture.

Hermione felt no awkwardness, it was a reasonable conclusion for her to have grasped. After all, Draco had refused to talk to her; she had no one to clarify anything for her. And seeing the newspapers print things about them seemed to be enough proof for her. But what did this change in the scheme of things. Draco could still very well have moved on, no matter how Daphne insisted he was miserable. It did not have to do with Hermione; it could not have to do with her since they had not talked in more than a month.

"Listen, I know something happened. And Draco hasn't been the same since. This morning he looked especially bad. I could not force him to eat a single thing; he simply refused the leave the bathroom. I don't know what is happening, but whatever it is…it's not healthy" Daphne said.

Hermione felt a dead weight in her heart. She was angry, but she did not find joy in knowing that she had made Draco sick and despondent. It seemed that they could only share joy in the moments where they were strangers. For the first time in her life, Hermione was learning that the truth can hurt, and continuously hurt.

"I know Draco is stubborn, and maybe he doesn't want to admit whatever this monster is, but you should be the stronger person, because you are. Draco puts up a nice façade, but inside he's a little boy, he has no confidence, his life has been twisted around due to his father and it's a struggle from him to get by day to day. I've watched it go on for long enough. Here is his address" she said placing a piece of paper into Hermione's hand. Daphne squeezed her hand gently and then let go, "It was a pleasure to see you Hermione. I do hope this isn't the last time"

Hermione looked down at the piece of paper in her hand and frowned. She did not know what to do. It was not her responsibility to be running around after Draco and making him grow up. When it came down to it, if she was important to him in the slightest, he would come to her. Hermione wanted to know if he cared for her; it would be all too easy for her to go to him.

Daphne walked away down the street bustling with students to the apparitions point. She disappeared into the crowd. Hermione was overwhelmed, and even more of a wreck now. Guilt ate at her too.

She knew Daphne only had Draco's best intentions at heart; as she should have. But Daphne didn't know the whole situation. She probably simply thought that she and Draco were having a fight. And Hermione was tired of being the one in the wrong. She was tired of being the introverted silent liar. She was tired of pretending this was an argument, because it wasn't. This was no simple row between two people who cared for one another, this was a void. A giant gaping black hole and she and Draco stood on either side.

Draco could build the fucking bridge this time around.

* * *

**A/N:** It's come to an end! There's only one more chapter, and then I might decide to post a epilogue. I have the final chapter written. If you guys want it right away, tell me, and I might decide to post it. I hate this. I hate when a story reaches the end. But there really isn't much further to go.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen**

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Harry Potter.

* * *

"No Ron" Hermione yawned as she walked about her apartment in her underwear scratching her head with one hand and holding a mug of tea in the other. Outside a heavy rain was falling, autumn was heading toward them at full speed. Their extensive and tardy summer was quickly fading; dissolving like the blue sky above.

"Come on 'Mione! It will be great. We'll spend the whole day running about the park, the party will be huge, and there will be tons of food. Maybe you'll meet a nice guy" Ron promised with a bright smile. She was tempted to accept, Ron made it sound wonderful, but she knew better than that.

Hermione smiled a lopsided smile and looked back outside. The rain was not relenting, "I appreciate the offer Ron. But I have a ton of schoolwork that I really need to catch up on. For the first time in my life I am behind Neville. I need today to make sure I'm caught up in my classes" she insisted. Ron would have to accept this, after all, school was very important to her and they all knew it.

"If you are behind Neville then I supposed it's pretty bad" Ron smiled teasingly.

"Yes, I supposed it is" Hermione agreed walking into her kitchen and grabbing her near burnt toast from the toaster. Ron's eyes lost their cheerful crinkle and his lips tugged downward. Hermione turned to look at him, quickly he smiled falsely.

"Alright. I'll let you off this time around, but I should like to tell you that when I return to the burrow I will surely get my arse whacked by both Ginny and Harry. I have failed in my quest to get you out of the house. I hope you are happy" he said with a mock scowl.

"I'm sorry Ron. Maybe next time" Hermione said seriously.

He rolled his eyes, "I would be a fool to believe that. You say the same thing every time"

* * *

"You talked to her?" Draco asked in confusion. He and Daphne sat at his kitchen table drinking coffee. His god sister had arrived bright and early at his door to talk to him "I don't know why you waited two days to tell me you talked to her" he said quietly looking into his mug, and then back outside.

Daphne sighed sweetly, she never lost her persistence "You are the brother I never had Draco, you were always there for me… and now it's my turn to return that favor and help you. I gave her your address, but I sense that she won't do anything. Hermione doesn't seem like the type to go pleading for an apology that she knows she deserves" Daphne was smiling at this thought, but her face suddenly went sour. It framed her delicate features oddly "She looked very bitter when I mentioned your name… I think you are in the wrong here Draco, and I think it is up to you to apologize, or at least approach her first. Go to her house. Find her" Daphne insisted.

Draco looked down into his lap. Outside the rain was pouring, in his small apartment the mood was just as cold. He had thought plenty about what he had seen in Hermione's memories over the past two days. And he had come to conclusions. But he was scared. He was scared of rejection, and even more scared of being accepted. Could he be her rock? Could he continue to be there for her without worrying about the effect on himself? "I don't know that I'm ready for something like this. Hermione comes with a lot of baggage, and I'm not the strongest man alive. I mean, I have my own problems, and I've never considered caring about someone else's" Draco admitted. He felt like the biggest jackass confessing this, but there was no point in lying or pretending.

"Just watching you shrivel in the past month, pine for this girl…I think you've thought a lot about her problems and your own. I think you don't give yourself enough credit Draco. You are a wonderful man, and you can be supportive and caring if you let yourself. You love this girl, I know this for true. Never before have you cried, starved yourself, or grinded yourself so deep into the ground for just _another_ woman. You care about her, and you know it too. Why would you be a fool to give her up?" Daphne asked. Draco could hear the tenseness in her voice, for the first time ever she appeared to be losing her plentiful patience.

"She could do better" Draco replied lamely. And he believed it. Why would Hermione want to be with him, he would only remind her of the horrible things in her life?

"You don't know that. In fact, you are _certain_ that since you can't live without her, surely she could not live without you" Daphne said with conviction, she was perched on the end of her chair, a fire blazing in her eyes "You know that you two need each other and it could be no other way. You know that she's the one; you know that she will be there for you. And you know, should anything happen, _you_ would always be the one first by her side, because you cannot stand the idea of another man being there to hold her hand"

Draco smiled sweetly at her, "You can talk me into anything, can't you?" he asked.

Daphne shrugged and smiled lightly, she knew she had gotten her way.

* * *

"Fuck, fuck, blooding fucking hell" Hermione muttered as she walked quickly the street to the wizarding supplies store. It was just like her to run out of ingredients when she needed to brew. And it was just like her to have been unable to find her umbrella. And it would be just like her to be running about in the rain looking a complete fool. Hermione pulled the hat of her raincoat down further over her head. The rain splashed down off her head and fell in a waterfall before her face.

Diagon Alley was too far for a quickie errand, but Hermione knew a small wizarding shop that was operated on her own street. Humble but well stocked. Hermione squealed as she stepped in a puddle and the water flew back up at her. It went right over her boots and splashed her knees. Hermione saw the small battered sign of an antique shop and hurried her pace. It was anything but warm outside. Whenever it rained her bones creaked with the painful sensation found in the elderly. A sickening and early breaking of her body that arouse from unfortunate circumstances. She quickly stepped inside the store and shivered at the warmth. "Hello!" she said giving the elderly wizard who ran the store a friendly greeting. He barely heard her, the man was becoming deaf.

Hermione ran along the shelves quickly pulling down what ingredients she needed. The potion needed two days to brew, if she didn't get it started by five she would never have the lab written in time for her tutorial. She overloaded her arms with the stock and wobbled back to the register gently placing down the glass vials, tubes, and plastic bags.

"Alright dear" the man said with a quiet rusted voice. It resembled that of an old door in its slow grating manor. He began to leisurely calculate her items, slowly writing down the math on his notepad.

"Doesn't your register work?" Hermione asked impatiently. She tapped it with her fingers as if willing it to jump to life and get the tab calculated faster.

"Oh that old thing? Barely, I think it's finally croaked. It's about as old as I am" he smiled wryly.

Hermione laughed dryly but kept her eyes on his calculation. "Would you like me to do it?" she asked her lips twitching in an attempt to suppress her growl.

"No, no, I can manage" the wizard replied as he began to erase what he had added last. Hermione had to bite her lip to keep from groaning outwardly. It was all taking too long. Hermione whimpered softly and looked about the small store for anything to save her.

"Alright, six Gallons and three Knuts" the wizard rasped cheerfully. Clearly he was proud of his mathematical skills.

Hermione threw seven gallons onto the counter from her pocket; she quickly slid all of her things into her cloth grocery bag in one felt swoop from off the counter. "Keep the change!" Hermione called as she bolted out the door.

The rain was coming down much heavier than before. Summer was definitely over. There were splotches of yellow in the trees, the mornings and evening were cold, and people wore hats and scarves out. It all felt very bitter for Hermione. People raced down the sidewalk, cars whizzed by with their lights on. Already the sky was murky.

The address that Daphne had given her was sitting in her knickknacks bowl on the table by her door folded as tight as when it had been given to her two days ago. Sure Hermione wanted to go running to Draco, if only to yell, scream and get things off her chest. But it was not in her style. Besides, she had decided that Draco could make the move.

Hermione lowered her head and walked faster. Her tears melted into the rain. Oh bloody hell! Why was she crying? What was there to even cry about? Hermione stifled a sob but nobody could have heard her anyway in the downpour. She shifted her bag to her other hand and attempted to wipe her face, but to no avail.

So she wasn't over it. How could someone get over what she had gone through? The feelings she held for Draco meant so much. Those emotions, desires, overwhelmed the fears she had. When she was with him all of her past was forgotten. That whole month liquidized in her mind and ceased to exist. And without him…it all seemed so dirty suddenly. She had been pregnant with Lucius' child. No matter how little, barely a month old, a child was a child; it was potential in her body. And it was unfortunate that Hermione only began to connect with her baby after she had lost it.

With that child she had lost so much of herself. That child itself was a symbol. It was old Hermione, happy, strong, brave, resilient Hermione… that Hermione didn't exist any longer. It was all fine; Hermione could have lived with every single on of her decisions, no matter how bad, so long as she had never become pregnant. In doing so she had involved another life into her little game, and it was an unfair outcome and she felt guilty for it.

"Sorry" Hermione said sidestepping someone on the sidewalk to avoid hitting them.

"Don't be"

Hermione turned around quickly and almost dropped her bag of ingredients. She frowned deeply and lowered her eyes. She shouldn't cry.

"Hermione" Draco said gently stepping towards her. He had gone to her house but no one had been at home. Rather than apparating home he had had the desire to walk. Now he was standing across from her. Normally Draco didn't believe in things happening because they were meant to, but in this case fate had intervened.

"Yes Draco?" she asked quietly opening her eyes but never looking at him. She looked across the street at the group of children running quickly through the rain. Probably to their homes. They screamed, held hands, and put their jackets over their heads to protect their hair from the rain. A young girl squealed as a boy dragged her along by her hand jumping over puddles. Smiles devouring their faces.

"I'm sorry" Draco said looking directly at Hermione's face. He had not forgotten a single curve, not a single freckle. Her face was troubled.

"Don't be" she said repeating his words. But her tone held no gentleness, she simply meant for him to not be sorry. As though she wasn't going to accept any apology he had to offer.

"I didn't mean to ignore you" he said pushing his hands into the pockets of his jeans. The rain was coming down hard and he didn't even have a rain jacket on. Hermione's hair was plastered to her face, she was soaking wet, and he could see the trails of recent tears.

"I don't know. I'd say you meant to. It didn't seem as though it was against your will. Nobody had locked you up in a dungeon, you could have contacted me if you had wanted to" Hermione said with a shrug. She hated herself. She didn't want to be so indifferent. Hermione wanted to jump into his arms; everything else be damned. But there was something she needed to hear first.

"I couldn't see you. I didn't know what to say to you" Draco explained.

"You didn't have a problem saying goodbye to me when I left the hospice, what changed?" Hermione asked in confusion. Her eyes rose to look at him properly now. His pale hair was pasted to his face and his cotton jacket was soaked through. Hermione looked about the street, finding it empty she shrunk her bag with her wand and placed it in her jacket. It was becoming heavy and the conversation was nowhere near done.

"You wouldn't believe it. That night so much changed. I began to actually think for the first time in my life. I realized you were no better then than you were that day you were carried half broken into the order headquarters. I realized that I was no better than I had been in third year. I was selfish and childish, but so were you. I knew we could go nowhere until I had done some thinking" he said simply. Hermione could see no lies in his face, but his honesty hurt her even more. Selfish? Did he really think her selfish?

"And what is your conclusion?" Hermione said with raised brows, her voice sharp enough to cut glass.

"I think we have a lot of growing to do. You need to unwind and let go of these horrors. And I need to grow up. I need to learn to accept the world as it is. You can't buy happiness, you can't force people to open up to you, and nothing is fair. I just didn't know that I could handle being around you. I was worried I would say something and everything would crumble" his pale eyes looked down to the wet cement; a puddle had caught his interest. "It was too fragile Hermione. The whole thing was so fragile. It was a one week infatuation and it was standing on stilts. It was two people desperate for affection speeding through genuine emotions without appreciating them fully. I know what I felt. And I still feel it, those emotions were not lies. I am not attempting to falsify them... I just don't want to lose you Hermione. This whole situation is a double edged sword. I'm damned if I go back to you, because we're unlearned, ignorant and only likely to hurt one another. But I'm damned if I leave you, for you'd never talk to me again and I would have lost something important in my life" he looked up at her with those foggy muddy eyes. They matched the scenery so well.

It looked as Draco was completely fading into the surroundings. He was disappearing into the darkening sky, the bright lights of the cars passed through him. The people ran by them as though they weren't even there. Just semi-shadows; nothing more than ghosts to Draco and Hermione's silent moment; these people moved as though in fast-forward. She could no longer feel the pounding rain; she had numbed and she was scared. Hermione didn't want Draco to fade away; she didn't want him to be her ghost. But for every second passing he seemed less and less lucent. He began to look and feel like an unrecognizable shadow; a figure behind a frosted window. Abandoned, and her fake uninterest was causing him even greater pain.

"I read your book, I saw it all. And I don't blame you, you aren't to blame. It's not your fault you were in that situation, and it's not your fault that you lost so much. It was luck; it was kill or be killed" Draco said quietly, Hermione could barely hear him over the rain. Tears began to well her in eyes. There was no stopping them. "When I told you that you weren't forgotten, I meant it. Why should you keep reminding yourself of these terrors? Isn't enough that they will remain with you anyway? I mean it when I say that people will remember you for the good you did, not the bad. "

"How will you remember me?" Hermione asked tearfully. It all felt like the end. It was Draco's goodbye speech to her. He couldn't be with her; he didn't even want to try. Hermione felt her heart breaking. Was this because she was coming off too mean? Hermione knew Draco needed time, she understood, but her brain could not soothe her heart. She didn't want a real goodbye, she would rather have lived in uncertainty filled with beautiful illusions.

"I won't have to commit you to memory, I don't intend to ever forget you. I want to see you everday, I want to fall in love with you repeatedly" Draco said seriously, his eyes cleared for a flicker of a moment.

Hermione stifled a cry with her fingers. Tremendous feelings caught her again, like a strong river current they swept her away. As Draco had put so eloquently before, they were like two magnets. Usually unable to connect, but defying the laws of physics, they collide with remarkable outcome. It was taking all of the strength she possessed to not jump into his arms "Oh Draco…"

He cut her off before she could say anything "You know that saying; if I could be any part of you, I'd be your tears. To be conceived in your heart, born in your eyes, live on your cheeks, and die on your lips. That's about how I feel. I just realized that there was no way I could be without you. I want to be every part of you; I want to know every part of you. I want to live and die on your lips. I need you, just as much as you need me. This feeling, this destruction and deconstruction in my heart is because of you. And though it causes me misery sometimes I couldn't live without it. I've never known real devotion but I am excited to get to know it well. It would have been stupid of me to not beg you for forgiveness. It may be selfish of me to want you, but I can live with that selfishness. I'm falling in love with you Hermione, and it is fucking terrifying, but I wouldn't let it go if it cost me my life" he said in a strong and convinced tone. Hermione could see his back straightening, his eyes clear and his face severe; he felt it and he believed it. This must have meant a lot to him. And it meant so much to her to see him so passionate about something so important.

"Do you feel disgusted by me? Because of the things I've done, because of what I sacrificed?" Hermione asked in concern. She couldn't believe that Draco would accept such a thing. She could barely accept it herself and she had been living with the knowledge every day since all of this occurred. Yes he could love her, but he didn't have to accept her. It was a bizarre combination, but Draco could easily avoid those grey areas of her life. She didn't want that. Hermione needed someone who could appreciate those stains.

"_You_ had that child, and you lost them. _You_ gave yourself up, you were broken and hurt. Not me, not anybody else in the world. It was your moment, your pain alone. I wish I could have shared it with you, saved you from some of it, but I now see it's not mine. I have no claim upon that moment in your life Hermione. It's not for me to judge what you did. Even though I understand the consequences of the situation, even though I love you, and I accept that this happened... I cannot judge you for what you have done, I cannot love you regardless of it… but I can love you because of it" he said with a whisper of a smile.

Hermione bit her lip and cocked her head to the side "Thank you" she whispered softly. She had heard all that she needed.

"No, thank you" he said stepping forward and placing his hands on her shoulders. He bent down and gently placed his forehead on hers. The droplets of water from his hair fell on her face. Hermione smiled and lifted her face to his. She gently pressed her lips against his her fingers tentatively sliding across his cheeks and pushing his hair from his face.

Draco's arms swept around her and held her with such strength that Hermione had never felt more alive. His lips moved deftly against hers, biting gently, sucking on her bottom lip, his tongue tasting her carefully with timid admiration. Draco was back, Hermione could feel him under her fingers, smell him, taste him, and hear his thoughts. The giant gap between them needed no shabby little bridge, it had closed and sealed tightly. His hands held her waist tightly and securely, he meant to never let go. Hermione pressed herself right against him; she wanted to melt into him. She wanted to be his other half. This was love, two souls always looking for one another, always looking to be joined in that impossible way. It was just as tragic as it was ironic. But Hermione could live with this, if she could hold Draco this close everyday she would need nothing more.

His lips left hers; Hermione was surprised by this sudden absence. Draco kept one arm around her while he reached into his pocket with the other and pulled out a folded piece of parchment. Hermione's eyes followed his hand with interest. The rain pattered on the paper loudly and began to soak through it and smudge the ink. Hermione recognized the parchment well, it was her last chapter.

"I want you to know I never read it. I considered doing so but I chose I'd rather not know until you decided to tell me" he said softly pressing the paper into her hand his finger tips encouraging her own to close. Hermione took the paper and looked at it. It was disintegrating in her fingers. She dropped it into the puddle and they watched it melt away. The paper soaking through and stretching, the ink blurring until it had completely faded. It was gone; liquefied in the puddle and rushing off the sidewalk to the sewer. And Hermione did not mind, some things she did not need to be reminded of constantly, it was enough that she knew them.

Draco wrapped his arm around her shoulders turning her around towards her house, they began to walk back. The world slowly seeped back into colour. And Draco flickered but remained clearer than ever before. Hermione's head was spinning, but the feeling of relief and comfort swelled inside her.

Having her in his amrs was like an impossible fantasy. Draco dared not dream that it was true, but knowing it was true? That was a dream achieved. Funny how when one falls in love, all their saved up wishes started to get used.

"Sometimes people put up walls, not to keep others out, but to see who cares enough to break them down" Draco said softly as a little afterthought . Hermione nodded and leaned into him filling the spaces between his fingers with her own.

**THE END**

**A/N:** I think some lovin' is in order after all of this pain. I just wanted to end the story there though, it seemed like the right place to do so. But I will most likely write an epilogue. So no worry...there will be some together time. Lol.


	18. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Potter, Harry Potter.

**A/N: **I would just like to thank all of the readers and reviewers, even you creepers. This was my first fic on the site and I'm glad it did as well as it did. To soothe some the question I've been messaged repeatedly… No, there will not be a sequel. That would be overkill. And what happens in the epilogue happens and you can fill in the blanks for yourself. Thanks and enjoy!

* * *

"Really?" Draco asked as the leather bound book thumped down in front of him. The coffee table's legs creaked under the weight and Draco's coffee slid eight centimeters to the right, stopping when the cup hit the book. Silently he was thankful that the table wasn't glass. He looked up at Hermione with a slack mouth and unbridled surprise.

Her hands were placed strategically on her hips and there was an odd look on her face. A mix of surprise…and some annoyance, probably at his immense surprise.

"Really" she said coming around the table and sitting next to him. The cushions of her couch sank beneath her bum and Draco slid towards her. The whole world seemed to be tilting more than usual today. He made a mental note to buy Hermione a new couch, one that hadn't fallen through.

"If you want to do it, then I support you" he said clasping his hands with exuberance and placing them on his knees, a perfect example of male attentiveness.

"Do you encourage me?" Hermione asked looking at the book with sudden disdain. She then looked to Draco. His features were soft and good natured, grey eyes twinkling, blonde hair disheveled. Hermione felt as though he wasn't really taking her seriously, this worried her further. Most times she hardly cared if he was listening, since it wasn't in his nature to do so anyway, but she wanted him to be hearing her now.

"If you want to do it, then I encourage you" Draco clarified reaching for his coffee.

"That doesn't work too well does it? Why would I need your encouragement if I have already decided to do it?" she asked earnestly.

"Well" Draco said motioning to the book with his pinky while bringing the coffee to his lips, "It _seems_ as though you've already made up your mind"

Hermione pursed her lips and leaned back on the couch. "Yeah, I suppose you're right"

Draco almost dropped his coffee into his lap. He turned to Hermione in amazement "Say that again" he asked with a smirk.

"No…because you're only right in a matter of logic. Logic is fairly easy to grasp" Hermione retorted sitting back up "it's in ethics where you lack".

"So, who will publish it?" he asked deciding to ignore her comment and avoid a silly spat. They had been pretty good in the past two months. They worked through every little issue with as much ease as possible. His naivety and selfishness were just things Hermione would have to deal with. Just as he would have to handle her insecurities and perpetual fears in ridiculous things.

"I don't know…I've been taking the book around to a few publishers and they all seem keen to print it. "I just have to find someone who'll adhere to my demands of secrecy" Hermione said with a grimace.

"You're going to be a ghostwriter?" Draco asked in surprise.

"Draco, do you know the definition of a ghostwriter?" Hermione asked in exasperation.

He shrugged.

She rolled her eyes and decided to humor him "Something like that…I'll let my editor take full credit" Hermione said.

"Why would do you that?" Draco asked with a frown. He couldn't understand the point of publishing a book without wanting the credit.

"I don't want my name plastered to it. I don't want people to know it's about me. My friends know… that's good enough. I don't need the world at my door" she explained with a sigh.

"Then why publish at all?" Draco asked.

Hermione's lips turned up slightly into a sad smile. Draco could see the thoughts rolling behind her eyes. "I want people to read this and feel _okay_. I want people to know that these things do happen and not just in war, but in everyday life. And I want everyone to know they aren't alone… I want to give comfort to others…because it's not important who the book is about, what's important is the message it portrays" Hermione replied smoothly, Draco could tell she had given it a lot of thought.

"Wow…that's deep" Draco smiled.

"I thought so too" Hermione grinned.

"Well, that ruined everything noble about this. Now you just seem conceited" he said with a sneer.

"I'm conceited?" Hermione asked with raised brows.

"Yes you are. Keep in mind I never said you were more vain than I, I just mentioned that you were" Draco said leaning into her and placing his hand on her knee. Hermione rolled her eyes. "How about a little…"

"First, you call me conceited, not vain. And second…what? …you want hanky-panky? You know we have to get to Harry's for the rehearsal dinner by seven. I don't know that I have time for the silly games you want to play" Hermione said removing his hand from her knee. Draco pouted, extremely, his bottom lip was out far enough to be a hazard to her eyes.

"Please?" he said softly. His hand returned to her knee and slowly crawled upward to her thigh.

"Hmm" Hermione said turning her head away from him.

"Don't be coy, you know you want me" Draco said in annoyance.

"Who's conceited now?" Hermione asked.

"Both of us are, alright" he stood and swept her off the couch, "Now lets end that conversation and go have a nice romp before Potter's boring rehearsal"

Hermione squealed loudly and make herself as small as possible as he walked through the door. It would be the first time he had smashed her head into the frame; accidentally he would insist.

Draco dropped her on the bed and growled.

A moment passed in silence.

Hermione burst out in laughter. "YOU GROWLED!" she laughed with tears in her eyes. Turning on her side Hermione smothered her laughed into a pillow.

"It was due to the effort of lifting you" Draco shot back.

Hermione stopped laughing.

"About time" he said with a smile jumping on top of her. "I only said that to get you to shut up. I don't think your weight is important" he assured her.

"Should I gain a hundred pounds to prove your hypothesis?" Hermione asked with a wink.

"Would your breasts be bigger?" Draco asked with mild interest.

Hermione smacked him across the head, "Maybe" she admitted, "But the rest of me would be bigger too"

"Then I retract my previous statement" Draco mumbled as he began to unbutton her blouse.

"Can I rip this one?" he asked in frustration after the third impossible button.

"No" Hermione said snappily "You bought this one for me and I like it, I'll unbutton it" she said sitting up and undoing the rest of the buttons. She folded the blouse and placed it on the bedside table "You know, I could be getting ready now instead of wasting time".

"Wow, that killed the mood" Draco mused.

"Imagine how it will be when you're old" Hermione said unbuttoning his shirt now, quickly and carefully.

"I imagine it will be somewhat the same. Only you'll be wrinkly" Draco pondered with a smile.

Hermione let the comment slide. She didn't care to know if Draco actually thought he'd be as smooth as a baby in his fifties. But what really shook her and left her without answer was the fact that he had imagined her in the future. Her and him, together. Hermione hadn't given all of this much thought. Lately she had just been trying to enjoy everyday as best she could. Draco had practically moved in already. He spent five nights out of seven at her place anyway. Everything seemed too good to be true, and she didn't want to ruin it by overanalyzing anything.

Draco lay down gently against Hermione; his hands crawled into her hair. He kissed her cheek, her jaw, and slowly made his way down her neck. He could hardly believe that he could only see Hermione in the future. It was something so unlike him, but it was his mind all the same. He didn't really want anyone else. After two months of reconnecting and truly connecting he began to realize that they needed one another. Their faults melted away when they were together and everyday was easier to bear knowing he would see Hermione in the evening. It was his selfishness and possessiveness that shoved him closer and closer to Hermione. But as long as Hermione agreed with his faults then it was all okay. That was the answer he had given himself. It was all just too good to be true. Not a single thought of another woman crossed his mind since he had met Hermione…

He kissed her collarbone while he carefully removing her bra, just another difficult barrier. Draco was not a man of dexterity in his fingers when it came to tiny little clasps, they were just so inconvenient.

Her body amazed him. There was something so resilient about it. The skin was soft and smooth, but the clear white lines that slid across her body were ever present. He kissed each and every one of these scars that trailed her chest and stomach. He rested his lips on her bellybutton.

Hermione's hands knotted in his hair, she didn't want to cry, but sometimes it hurt how sensitive Draco was. His pain was still clear. He was in pain not only for her, but for himself as well. "Someday we'll fill this space with a new child" he promised looking up at her. Hermione smiled warmly and thought she just might cry after all.

His hands continued downward slipping off her pants and underwear and then his own. He shifted back up and rested his elbows on either side of her head, and he just smiled. "That's a little creepy" she smiled in return.

"Then I probably shouldn't tell you I do this while you sleep?" he grinned.

She laughed and pulled him down to kiss him. Her lips gently pressed against his, her hands slid down his shoulders and to his lower back, gently pressing with her fingers. Draco let his left hand drop down her neck. He fingered her collar bone lovingly before moving down even further. Damn Potter and his stupid rehearsal dinner. Potter always seemed to screw up any sex he might have received. Potter was always at the door, on the phone, needing Hermione.

Hermione's hands slipped down his backside and all thoughts of Potter vanished from his head. This was probably best, it was not wise to think of someone else at a time like this, there could be many unpleasant results.

Draco's hand covered her breast, kneading softly and in a calculated manner. He looked up at Hermione's face and almost fell off the bed. She was biting her lip, but it looked as though she was biting back a laugh. He frowned at her, she smiled back. "I didn't want to ruin your concentration, the look on your face was so intense" she whispered with a twitchy smile.

"Okay, enough talking" Draco said rolling his eyes. The girl never shut up, and sometimes it was far more appropriate to keep in silence. His thumb flicked over her nipple and he got the reaction he wanted. She moaned softly. He bit his own lip then to keep from

**a**: laughing evilly and

**b:** passing out at sight of her pleasure.

His hand switched as he gently touched her other breast while his tongue roamed over her whole chest. He could feel her trembling beneath him. Sometimes he thought she was easy to please, but then he remembered that it was _him_ who was amazing. He could feel her hand slowly stroking him. 

He tried to ignore the feeling as best he could but he was beginning to become distracting with her ministrations and was finding himself doing very little for her.

Draco's fingers slipped between Hermione's legs; "Damn" she whispered removing her hands. Draco shook his head clear of the fuzzy pleasure from moments before.

"Did you just remember something or are you writhing in the throes of passion?" he asked with a wicked smile; noting the extremely pink tone of her skin and slightly agape mouth.

"No talking" Hermione said pushing him off and rolling him over on to his back.

"No time for games, can't be late for Potter" Draco said quickly pushing her again onto her back and slipping in unexpectedly. Hermione gasped loudly, initially she was peeved, but quickly her annoyance melted into pure bliss.

"How fast can you be Mr. Malfoy?" she asked breathlessly as her eyes flicked to the clock above his head.

"What? You want me to be a sixteen year old?" he asked just as breathlessly. It was perfectly painful to remain so still inside her while Hermione talked so casually to him.

"Come on then" she said thrusting her hips towards him.

"Alright then" Draco replied pushing in. Her hands wrapped around his back and her legs around his waist. He didn't exactly want to finish it off quickly, it left no time for him to show off. But Draco understood he had picked an awkward time for sex and really he was lucky to have her comply at all.

With every thrust he gave, Hermione had one to match. The moved in sync, well practiced in their two months together. Slowly he could feel the tension in her body grow just as he reached a painful peak. Draco thrust a few times more until he felt the tension in Hermione's back unwind, and then he let himself go as well. "Oh fuck" he whispered dropping down on her.

"Most people would say 'I love you', but your exclamation was nice too" Hermione said pushing him off of her and crawling out of bed.

"Wait…where are you going?" he whined stretching out his hand towards her.

"I need to shower" she said walking to the bathroom, "You need to clean up, and then I think you should read the additional chapter in my book at the end" Hermione said flippantly. Then she walked into the bathroom and shut the door.

"No" Draco moaned watching her go. He slowly sat up, his body was dead tired. It took more effort to finish quickly than it took during a longer romp. Not that they had romped…because he and Hermione had…not romped. That much was for sure. They had done something entirely different. Regardless of how long it took, how ridiculous it seemed, Draco knew it wasn't something insignificant any longer. Every little action of affections meant mountains more now.

He slouched out of bed in all his naked glory and walked out into the sitting room grabbing a robe hanging by the door to cover himself with, in case of a sneak floo guest. He resumed his position on the couch. Draco picked his wand off the table and reheated his coffee. After a few gulps he picked up Hermione's book and turned to the end. Flicking past the last few pages he noticed it was all new content, he came upon the page titled epilogue. Draco smiled and began to read.

* * *

_He sat reading her book, unsure if he wanted to ever remind himself of those horrors again. But he knew they would not leave, whether he recited them nightly, or kept them locked in his tin heart. She knew this chapter was for him, and he would know it too. From the first words she talked of him compassionately and honestly. _

_His words had littered the pages of her book, his influence in every paragraph, but still he deserved his own chapter. There in that chapter, he read about how much he had changed her life. Her words were plain but earnest, she meant nothing fancy, but she meant what she said. Her thoughts on how lonely she was, the lengths she had considered going to in order to appease her pain, these all caused a familiar rumble in his chest. His heart stilled when he read that now these troubling ideas had left her. _

_Words of devotion, respect, and adorations rumbled onward for many a page more. But he did not bore of these words, for they were hers. So he continued reading, then he stumbled upon a sentence that tripped him face first into a mental wall. _

_"I love him" she wrote in the second last paragraph. Three simple words he had not expected to see in her book. Onward she wrote about how he had been there for her through the roughest times in her life, and he had accepted her. Yes he had been, and still was selfish, and a little slow and uncertain in matters of the heart, but he meant well. It took him longer than most, but at least when he felt it, he truly felt it. And she loved him, and every single one of his aggravating flaws. _

_She loved him. These words resounded in his head. _

_He was shocked, but not terribly so. Somehow he knew she loved him. He knew this, because he loved her too. And the moment she came into the room he would walk towards her and take her in his arms and tell her he loved her. He didn't want to go on for another moment without telling her these words. And he wouldn't want to go on for another moment without proposing to this woman, because he knew there was no other for him. _

_He turned to the last page, the final page of this saga in her life. There no more upon this page but four words he himself had wrote before. _

_"You are not forgotten" _

* * *

"You like it?" Hermione asked nervously leaning against the doorframe in her towel.

Draco turned around and broke into a bright grin "It's brilliant"

**THE END**


End file.
